Customer Reviews

Meant to Be: The True Story of a Son Who Discovers He Is His Mother's Deepest Secret

5 star:		(13)
4 star:		(2)
3 star:		(1)
2 star:		(1)
1 star:		(0)

 

 

I won't write a review. After all, I know the author. Oh, I haven't visited his home, and I don't see him often, but way back when, he offered me my current job as a columnist: I write the "Ask Marilyn" column for Parade magazine. Still, I hope to point out to readers an aspect of this book that they might miss otherwise. In reviews, you'll surely read that the book contains an inspiring story of a successful man in search of his roots, no matter where he finds them. And find them, he does: The author learns that he is the love child of a brief wartime romance between his mother and a father he never knew--both were married to others at the time. But what you may not read is that in the telling, this journey amounts to a lifelong valentine to his mother. It barely occurs to the author to forgive her: He sees little to forgive. Less understanding sons might have found fault. Instead, he is so warmed with empathy that he loves her even more. Despite the youthful trials he must have put her through, I'm sure that most mothers would dearly love to have a son like this.

If, as the old saying goes, the past is never really past, 59-year-old Walter Anderson proves in MEANT TO BE that you do not have to be imprisoned or destroyed by your past and that people can overcome the secrets of their lives --- no matter how painful --- through love, compassion and the truth.

This is an incredibly powerful and inspirational memoir that is already being called a "coming-of-age classic." On the surface, Anderson's life appeared to be the classic "rags to riches" tale. Raised literally on the wrong side of the tracks in an impoverished section of town, Anderson suffered horrific violence and abuse at the hands of an alcoholic father. He dropped out of high school at 17, joined the Marines and began an improbable climb from the tenements of his childhood to the executive suites of modern American journalism --- first as editor for 20 years of the largest circulation magazine in America, Parade, and now as chairman and CEO of that publication.

But it's the secret lying beneath that surface that makes this book so important. This is not simply the story of yet another victory march. It is the story of a bewildered and deeply hurt child. "I found myself becoming increasingly angry," he writes of his childhood. "Undoubtedly, much of my rage grew out of the abuse and fear I lived with every day at home. But I had a deeper frustration: I didn't seem to belong anywhere...I was different. And the aching feelings of loneliness and doubt, which I kept to myself, hurt more than my father's frequent beatings."

Haunted by that doubt, the 21-year-old Anderson asked his mother a question on the day of his father's funeral in 1966: "The man we just buried...Was he my father?" She confessed that his real father was a man named Albert Dorfman, who she fell in love with during World War II when her husband was in the service. He further learned that his real father was Jewish, and he had a stepbrother alive somewhere.

Anderson's mother, Ethel, is the real hero of this book. Fearing for her child's life if her husband ever learned the truth, she immediately ended the affair and eventually broke off all contact with the love of her life. The passage where she takes her infant son to meet his real father in Grand Central Station is poignant and heartbreaking. But Ethel also acted as a buffer between young Walter and her husband, putting her body between them and trying to deflect the older man's violence whenever possible. Fearful of the impact the truth would have on Walter's older brother and sister, she made him promise to keep her secret for as long as his siblings lived. He also promised not to seek out his real father.

Anderson kept his word and ended up having to wait 35 years before seeing a picture of his real dad, who, ironically enough, died the year before the man he thought was his father. Once his mother freed him from his promise, he began a search that led him to his older stepbrother Herbert, who, he learns, has lived an eerily "parallel life" to his own. His search also helped him discover his spirituality and Jewish heritage. It ended with the reunification of a long-lost family. The alienated, angry child, who belonged nowhere in the world, finally found his home and true inner peace.

What is remarkable about this book is that, despite its high drama and emotion, it is written without an ounce of self-pity or sentiment. Anderson pulls no punches in talking about his own darkness or the shortcomings of his mom. The language is simple and the story is told with a great editor's eye for language. The result is a calm and understated narrative that becomes almost lyrical at times. He tells us: "Much of my childhood was like a dull rain punctured by noisy and unforgettable explosions of lightning."

MEANT TO BE is a courageous book, full of warmth, humanity and hard-earned wisdom. This is not a victim's story. Indeed, it transcends the memoir format to teach us all a lesson in hope and the power of love.

Anderson's life could have taken an entirely different path. Certainly, that "lightning" could have destroyed him, physically and emotionally. But he describes reading himself out of poverty long before he worked his way out. He was probably the only kid to cut school so he could go the library. "Books," he writes, "had a magic about them: I could open a page and be anywhere. I could be anyone. I could imagine myself out of a slum." He also pays tribute to a wonderful neighborhood woman, Ilza Williams, who showed an interest in him, encouraged him and taught him that education was "a voyage that never ends."

As an editor and activist, Walter Anderson has worked hard to help kids in trouble and promote literacy and education. He has distinguished himself in life by striving for things larger than himself, and therein lies the enduring message of this book. At his mother's wake in 2001, he thought, "you freed me with the truth." That truth, along with a lot of compassion and love, can do the same thing for us all.

--- Reviewed by Tom Callahan

This book is truly, truly inspiring. I could not put it down! Every person in America should read this book. The lessons gained by reading this book could be life-changing. Mr. Anderson amazes me with his candor in telling his story. The lesson I learned is that no matter how bad your circumstances might be, you CAN rise above it all. What a beautiful memoir. Praise God for the "Mrs. Williams" of the world that impact us as children. Everyone needs a "Mrs. Williams". I absolutely loved this book and I'm telling everyone to read it. It blessed me.

One of the most powerful narratives I've ever read.

Not just because the author overcame great odds to go on and achieve great things, but because he honestly describes his lack of faith in God and then describes the day he comes to believe in the God of his real father.

I can't say enough good things about this book, so, I'm just buying copies for all my friends, and letting them see for themselves.
Marsha Marks, author of 101 SIMPLE LESSONS FOR LIFE.

Sad at times,but unable to put it down. The book draws you in...knowing/feeling the courage this person has. He reveals the truth about his life and tells this inspirational story..and you must read it.

Also recommended: Nightmares Echo,Courage To Heal,Lucky

I am completely in awe of this author and this book Meant To Be. So many lessons,teachings and above all courage through out this book
I want to also recommend Nightmares Echo. It also has courage and determination.

I was watching the O'Reilly Show when he was interviewing Walter Anderson concerning his book "Meant to Be". On the basis of the few details he revealed, I knew it was a book I had to read. As soon as the show was over, I went to the Amazon.com web site and ordered the book. I was not disappointed. It is a very enjoyable read. I can't wait for other members of my reading group to read it.

Walter Anderson came from an abusive home and his mother had a secret; the father who beat him was not his father at all. Anderson overcame his problems by joining the Marines and there he excelled in the harsh but disciplined environment. He finished his degree, did a stint in Viet Nam, and ended up as a journalist, spurred on by the success of an article he wrote about the Vietnamese during his tour.

Anderson tracks down his secret past and makes more astonishing discoveries. This is an inspiring book, full of hope and redemption. And it's well-written. If you enjoy memoirs and stories of triumph over hardships, this is for you.

Anderson writes a very special story about his painful childhood
and his amazing journey into adulthood and a most successful career and family life. I heard Mr. Anderson on NPR and on CSPAN and I couldn't wait to read the book. I read the book in 3 hours and literally couldn't put it down. I was personally inspired and highly recommend this book to others.

Walter Anderson makes a wonderful contribution to memoir writing in this fabulous book. As he explores not only his upbringing but also his sense of despair at his circumstances, he displays a courage that many of us would have trouble exhibiting. His manner of writing was breathtaking, and I read the book in just about 4 hours. I couldn't put it down. Also, since I am a dean at a community college, I was inspired by how he went from being a high school dropout to a Marine to a community college graduate, and then a four-year college graduate and then enjoying his current success. It says a great deal about opportunity--sought and grabbed. This is a must read!