Customer Reviews

Meeting Sophie: A Memoir of Adoption

5 star:		(7)
4 star:		(1)
3 star:		(0)
2 star:		(2)
1 star:		(1)

 

 

The reader who wasn't interested in McCabe's personal life doesn't seem to understand that a memoir is by definition a narrative composed from personal experience. Meeting Sophie is not just about "the adoption process." Instead, it eloquently and poignantly demonstrates how becoming a parent--however one accomplishes it--affects all aspects of a life, making other challenges seem larger and at the same time easier to face.
A moving and inspiring story.

Nany McCabe has a way with words; she created such a powerful, moving story. From the beginning I got the sense that she was an interesting and intelligent person, but what I loved is how she grew emotionally. Through the book, she began recognizing the love and the limitations of love that bound her and her family. This book helped me analyze parent and adult children dynamics as well as reflect on adoptive parent and child relationships. As a daughter and an upcoming adoptive mother, I felt a sense of recognition and hope.

This book is marvelous, not just because of the fascinating and moving story of Sophie's adoption, but also in how it sheds light on the particular dilemmas women face as mothers, daughters, teachers, writers. The chapter that focuses on the author's father is alone worth the price of the book. Meeting Sophie is sometimes sad, sometimes hilarious, always gutsy and beautiful. McCabe is truly a gifted writer.

McCabe's book strikes a chord with many of us who are adopted and ever wondered about the special relationship that can develop in chosen families. Never before have I read about the two-way path between mothers (and fathers) and children who find each other with such pathos and wonder. McCabe is a lucky Mom to have been adopted by such a wonderful little girl. Now we're fortunate to be able to have "Sophie" for oursevles.

I can relate to McCabe on a number of levels. Far from expecting a dry "here's the adoption process" sort of missive, I was quite glad to hear McCabe's emotional thoughts as she pursued bringing her daughter home from China.

Ms. McCabe happens to be a single woman with a Ph.D. and a job in academia. I've begun my own doctoral studies this fall, and my husband and I are also considering adopting from China. If the adoption goes through, I'll be close to the end of my program before we travel to China. I don't think there will be a conflict, as I want to keep my hours minimal and flexible (and plan to coordinate with my advisors well in advance of any interruption of my studies), but I wonder what others will think about my priorities.

Nancy McCabe had this problem; she was denied tenure during her adoption pursuit. She found a job at another university, but sure had a stressful time of it for a while. I remember that while I pursued my Master's as a single mother, I was always telling my advisors that my family came first, and always telling my family that I needed some time to study. Neither group seemed entirely satisfied (particularly my advisors, although I made it through just fine).

I appreciate that McCabe's book addresses the issues surrounding becoming a mother (which apply to *anyone*, not just adoptive mothers), particularly mothers working in the academic world.

I could also relate to McCabe's experiences with well-meaning, well-loved parents who couldn't quite interact in ways that were completely supportive to her goals and feelings (they try, and the love is absolutely there, but they somehow manage to miss the mark). I understood the feeling of loss, both before and after her father died. I appreciated that she shared this aspect of her life, as well, as it makes the journey that much more real (life doesn't stop or become any more simple just because you're adopting a child).

Ultimately, I was very encouraged by McCabe's book, and came away thinking, "Well, if she can make it, I bet I can, too!" Thanks, Nancy.

Lyrical and funny story about the author's process of adopting from China, but about much more--being a parent, being a child, growing up in families, forming families, loss, and healing. This book is for people adopting from China and single parents, but also for anyone who has been a parent or dealt with aging parents. The humor and parallel stories of life and death reminded me of Anne Lamott's Operating Instructions. Finally, a beautifully written and poignant story about adoption that's not just a how-to, but something anyone can relate to.

I think that Nancy McCabe's memoir is so good that I order it for my students at the college where I teach as part of the required reading material in my literature class on cultural identity. I first picked it up a few years ago when I was reading everything I could get my hands on about Chinese adoptions before my husband and I adopted our daughter from China. However, I was pleasantly surprised to find that this is a memoir about much more than international adoption. McCabe is writing about identity within the family, the myths that parents and other members of a family often create about one another, and the struggle of finding one's identity especially as a girl in America. I think that in many ways the book shows how much all women--in America, China, etc.--have in common when it comes to the dilemma of needing to be an individual yet wanting to be accepted. I think that the subtitle of this book (A Memoir of Adoption) needs to be omitted or changed and that the book needs to be marketed as a memoir about cultural identity, parenting, and self-discovery--as well as adoption.

I would recommend this book to any single person considering overseas adoption. It was easy to read and enjoyable but I found the author had some strange views. It was almost like she was very unprepared for motherhood and had some family issues of her own to deal with already.
It wasn't my favourite adoption book but I did enjoy it. To be honest, it made me feel a whole lot better about my own situation!

Although I completed reading this book from the first page to the last, I only did so because I thought for sure the author was going to have some big time, life changing, realization at the end of her story. Her tone throughout the book is negative. She talks often about her own childhood issues, employment issues, and doubts about the adoption (which we all have, but hers seemed unfair to her future daughter). I found myself thinking, "We all have problems in our life, suck it up" and "how is her daughter going to feel when she reads this as an adult?" I don't think this is an appropriate book to read if you are looking for information about the process of adoption (I don't think the author meant this book to be about the process anyway) or if you are looking for inspiring adoption stories. If you are, however, looking for the story of a single mother who feels mistreated by everyone (her family, her coworkers, society, other adoptive parents) then this book might be for you. I found that even the writing of this book made me wonder what her editor was thinking. She uses one or two metaphors a couple times throughout. At least, enough for me to realize that I had read that same line earlier in the book.

Although this is a wonderfully written story, I was very disappointed that the bulk of the story had little to do with the author's adoption process. As one going through the process of Chinese adoption, I would hope these stories put out as adoption journeys would focus on just that and not the author's personal life outside of adoption. Others may find this interesting and enjoy it, I did not and would not recommend this book to prospective adoptive parents.