Customer Reviews

Meeting Your Half-Orange: An Utterly Upbeat Guide to Using Dating Optimism to Find Your Perfect Match

5 star:		(19)
4 star:		(2)
3 star:		(1)
2 star:		(1)
1 star:		(2)

 

 

I feel that this book was poorly marketed. Somehow, I didn't immediately equivocate "dating optimism" with the Law of Attraction and its accompanying pseudo-science. Spencer quotes from science books (not interviews) and tries to spin the mumbo-jumbo as a legitimate "scientific" approach. Some of the gems from this book so far: She quotes that "Nothing exists until it is measured," and then tells us that we can measure our thoughts! Apparently this thought is supposed to be connected to the fact that our atoms are made of vibrating energy. Oh, and "The universe just knows what you're giving your attention to." Goody! I'm glad the universe is so attuned to me. (If that's the case, why do I need a book to tell me? Shouldn't the universe just be focused on making me happy?)

I do like some of the ideas in this book, but trying to pass off "stop being so desperate and you'll look better" as a scientific law strikes me as fairly cheesy. The people who want to buy into it don't need the desperate attempts at science, which actually make the book look worse. Furthermore, I'm a little incensed that the Law of Attraction seems peculiarly marketed towards women; I guess the more passive we are, the better. And that leads me to my next beef: like many dating books out there, this one's completely heteronormative. It's also anti-feminist, blaming the women's movement for some kind of singleness epidemic (stating that the "pendulum" has "swung too far"), when the fact that women are forced to choose between marriage and a career is actually a testament to how much more the women's movement has left to do. To some extent at least, it assumes traditional gender roles, and seems to dumb women down unnecessarily.

The book doesn't surprise me so much; all the raving reviews certainly do. Is this really the twenty-first century? We should have come further by now.

Having heard so much positive buzz about this book I thought it might be good for me to read it since I'm back in the dating world again. While this book may have great ideas, and I have to assume it does from all of the 5 star reviews, it isn't a book that men can use to get help with their dating. Before buying the book, I read reviews on this site and on others to try and determine if the book was meant for both female and male readers. I couldn't find anywhere that said the book was intended only for women, and actually did find a couple of editor reviews that said both men and women could benefit from it. I bought the book and started reading it with an open attitude, assuming that the primary target was women but it would still be a good read. Unfortunately, I couldn't get more than 10% of the way through it, even after three attempts. I finally had to give up on it. All of the references to dating prospects were to "handsome guys", "Mr Right", etc.. All examples of positives, negatives, dating situations, etc. were targeted towards females. I tried to substitute male examples but it completely broke the thought flow of the book. I just couldn't get through it. It's obvious why they don't but I think the marketing should indicate the book is intended for females.

I stumbled onto Amy's book via a web connection from Arielle Ford's blog site, where she was tauting new authors and Amy's book came up on my orange-dar. After going out and checking out the book online, I had this nagging feeling that I JUST HAD TO GET THIS BOOK. So I took time off from work and went to find it Sorry Amazon, I just had to have it..*grin* During a trip to New York City, this past week, I took the time to finish Amy's book.

I thought this book was fabulous. It was so written from the heart. For those of us who are single and who do believe in BIG LOVE, don't just walk to the book store...RUN. Amy infuses scientific research from a number of great sources: The Univeristy of Wisconsin-Madison, the University of Pennsylvania, to name a couple. Her personal experiment with finding her own half-orange is enough to make her an expert on the subject. She provides other examples of validation of this principle and theory and it's all told in a wonderful, personal, from-the-heart experience.

The art of a positive attitude and an attitude of gratitude permeate Amy's book. Don't say you can't have the love you want. Say you CAN. Yes I can have that big love. If your passion is popcorn at the movies. You CAN find someone that shares that passion. If you love reading you CAN find someone that enjoys reading.

Patience is a key, but so is the fine art of that positive/optimistic way of thinking that can help you in any part of your life, not just dating.

The trick is: you just have to WANT that big love. Do not worry how it'll find you...just know that it will.

Thanks, Amy, for making me a fan of the theory of dating optimism and the idea that my half-orange is out there waiting for me!!

A friend of mine gave me some good advice that is line with the ideas in this book. It's so simple, but so logical. So far, it's worked for me in terms of friendships, and I am confident it will work for me in all my relationships:

Make a list, and make it detailed, of all the qualities you want in your soul-mate. Add all the qualities you definitely DON'T want in your soul-mate. Focus on how badly you want that person. Now, spend the next few days, weeks, months, or years BECOMING that person you have written down. That is the ONLY way you are ever going to truly love and respect yourself, and that is the only way you are ever going to find him or her. And no, you're not SO unique that there's no one out there who matches you. In fact, there are LOTS of people out there who do, and once you become the person you seek, those people are going to start walking into your life like magic. If you seem to attract negative people or unhealthy relationships, this will NEVER change unless you work on yourself. Like attracts like.

This is a beautiful book that may seem dreamy but is actually pretty rational. Unless you're actively trying not to get involved with anyone or living in a cave, relationships are pretty much inevitable. And relationships are ALWAYS mirrors. They reflect you exactly. And if you're not living your best life and being your best self, then you're going to attract people you don't truly want to spend your life with, even though you might think you do; that's why you spend so much time agonizing over the way they DON'T measure up. If you wanted to spend your life with them, you'd be happy with them just the way they are. So why can't you just walk away when you know they are not what you want just the way they are? Because you're afraid you'll never find anyone else, so you'd rather anguish over trying to change them than just walk away and take the risk of finding someone new who does reflect your best self.

If you want someone who is honest, then you have to be honest with yourself and others. If you want someone who is adventurous and doesn't just sit around playing video games all day, then you have to be adventurous. If you want someone who is generous and kind, then you have to start being generous and kind. If you want someone who loves you and respects you, then you are going to have to start loving and respecting yourself, which means taking care of your mind, body, and soul. Based on the assumption that relationships are inevitable, which they are, if you are being the person you want to be and living the life you want to live, you're going to attract a mirror sooner or later. And you may attract some guys or girls who don't mirror those qualities, but you won't have much patience for them once you understand and believe that YOU WILL ATTRACT your soul-mate. It's easier to ditch the bad apples once you realize that being alone temporarily is better than being stuck with the guy who is not for you.

My only problem with this book was how the author presented quick courtships and marriages. Almost all of the examples had women meeting their half oranges and marrying them within months...with no follow-ups on how their marriages were 10 or 15 years down the line.

If you read Tiger Woods Syndrome, you will learn that many men with serious issues are very good at adapting themselves to be exactly what you want in the beginning of a relationship, and they even believe themselves because they're overwhelmed with feelings and attraction. However, they often end up living a double life of lies and affairs or they abandon you because they realize they weren't being themselves and that love and attraction wasn't enough to heal the hole in their soul. They keep repeating this pattern, and no matter much you love them, you will never be able to fix them; only therapy and a true desire to work on their issues can change them.

Taking it slow weeds out the guys who are either conning you and only want sex or who have issues and are lying to themselves and are therefore unreliable in the long-run. Taking it slow allows you to really get to know someone and develop intimacy. I rushed into a quick engagement with a man who I thought was perfect for me but who ended up lying about everything. Needless to say, it was more painful than it had to be because I ignored the red flags and charged full steam ahead. Another book to read if you tend to get into bad relationships is How to Spot a Dangerous Man Before you Get Involved by Sandra Brown.

I have been a huge fan of Amy Spencer for a couple of months, as I have been reading her Dating Optimist blog, anticipating the release of Meeting Your Half-Orange. Well, about two weeks ago, I bought this book at Borders, and haven't been able to put it down since!! I just finished the book today, and I plan on reading it again. What she shares is genius, brilliant, and practical! I have read my share of dating tips/advice, and after finishing this book, I will only read about dating optimism. Amy states in her book that there is a relationship out there for all of us, and that all we need to do is continue to believe it, proclaim it to others, visualize it, and go on living our lives. She strongly believes that when we are enjoying and embracing ourselves and our lives, we are preparing ourselves for that happy relationship, and for the feelings we want in that relationship. Amy says that once we are glowing with optimism, people will be drawn to us, and The One will find us. This book offers the most optimism and encouragement you will ever get in a book, and I promise you it will change your life. It should be called the "Dating Bible"!! Within each chapter, Amy also shares examples of people who, once they have adopted this optimism, find themselves in long-lasting relationships, sometimes within weeks! I'm so excited to see what happens next in my own life, and I encourage you to pick up this book so that you can get excited about dating!!

I stumbled upon Amy Spencer's blog a few months ago. I was in a sad, grey place. I was coming up on a year after I broke-up with my boyfriend of 5 years. It's the typical thing: I thought I was going to get married, I thought he was "the one", I thought...but I knew something was off so we ended it on good terms. We both felt we weren't quite right for each other. Even though it was true, it left me disillusioned in the world of dating. I've never been very good at it do begin with, so I suppose that's part of the reason I clung on.
I kept wondering as the months trickled by, "what is wrong with me, why not me" all the things most single gals ask themselves at one point or another. But my friends said "nothing is wrong with you, you just haven't met the right guy", then comes Amy's book that basically echoed there sentiment: Nothing is wrong with you. Just be your fabulous, awesome unique self, and he'll come to you. I though this was bolonga. Then I realized that a HUGE component to my dating, and well life, outlook was missing. Optimism. I'm a highly optimistic person...but just not for myself. I'll cheerleader for my friends up and down "you can do it, I believe in you!" but yet I couldn't get around to saying those things to myself. Right around valentine's day is when I was feeling my lowest. I was feeling bitter, cynical, frustrated and angry and its a suit I don't like to wear because well, it doesn't "suit" me. Plus, two days after valentine's day was the one year anniversary so I cut myself some slack. I told myself "ok, I'm giving you this week to be mopey, cynical, bitter and mad after that, you're done and you're reading this book!" And that I did.
I began to read it slowly...a few pages every night so that it could sink in and I could think of what I read as I fell asleep. At first, I resisted all the optimistic things Amy was saying, but as time went on my initial "it's not true" turned into "could this be true?" to finally "this is totally true!" The "truth" being finding my half orange.
I finished the book last night with a renewed hope, turned it over and started it right back up! I want to make sure I cover and absorb (again) all her orange nuggets she has for us.
This has truly been a wonderful book, a book that feels like you're sitting down and having a chat with one of your girlfriends. She may not personally know who we are, but she's been there and I feel like she's our own personal cheerleader. So go ahead, pick up the book when you're ready. It will do wonders for the way you think and feel, not just for your love life, but for your life as a whole.

Of all the dating books I have read, this one is simply the best. It contains good and simple tricks you can incorporate into your life to change your outlook and thus your dating opportunities. The things she recommends are all backed up by scientific data and studies about positive psychology. This book is ideal for someone who has gotten into a funk and lost hope about meeting that special someone and needs some help getting perspective back. If you are going to buy one book about dating, buy this one!

For everyone out there tired of pounding the pavement searching for
your soul mate with no success, your remedy is here in the form of Amy
Spencer's "Meeting Your Half Orange: An Utterly Upbeat Guide to Using
Dating Optimism to Find Your Perfect Match." Spencer outlines a
no-brainer strategy for anyone desiring a fulfilling relationship with
The One. And here's the best part: you can stop looking. By using "dating optimism"
your half orange will come to you! Sound too good
to be true? "It's not up to you to design your perfect man from head
to toe," writes Spencer. "It's up to you to figure out how you'll
feel your best self in a relationship ... and then you just need to let
the world bring you your big surprise." The author's advice is easy
to follow and relate to because, well, she used to be one of us. As a
freelance writer often publishing relationship-advice articles in
Cosmopolitan and Glamour, Spencer became discouraged at her own lack
of a fulfilling relationship. With wit and candour, she explains the
tried and tested methods of finding your perfect match using dating
optimism that worked for her and others. "The Secret" meets "The
Rules" in this must-read for everyone wanting to meet their Half
Orange.
--Sacramento Book Review, March 2010

Tired of finding all the lemons in the dating world? Then, you might want to pick this juicy book off the tree of dating self-help books. It's a refreshing pick, for sure, and it'll likely quench your thirst for a satisfying relationship--or in the very least, for an entertaining and uplifting read.

The approach in this book focuses on "dating optimism"--the belief that what you focus on and think about is ultimately what you attract. Changing your thoughts results in changes your brain, body, perceptions of the world, and in what you attract. So, in a nutshell, if you focus on being the best person you can be, you'll ultimately attract the best relationship you can have.

And how exactly will this magical relationship happen? Amy's quick answer to that one is: "It's not your job to figure out how to make it happen. It's your job to want it." But, in case you want a little more guidance, she offers this five-step approach to dating optimism:
1. Believe you can have it.
2. Admit you want it, to yourself and others.
3. Visualize, and imagine feeling yourself in the relationship you want.
4. Openly hope for it like you've never hoped for anything before.
5. Live your happy life.

The fun conversational style of this book is effective: it not only provides easy-to-drink-in inspiration and support for meeting your half-orange, but it also effectively delivers juicy bites from the emerging field of positive psychology.

You can even approach this book as the author recommends you approach your dates: be curious, learn from it, and allow it to help you pinpoint what you really want (and don't!) in a relationship. In the end, you'll be better off than you were in the beginning...whether or not you've found your half-orange (yet).

And, in the worse-case scenario, if you can't figure out how to be with the one you (want to) love, you'll be better able to love the one you're with: yourself. (How's that for dating optimism?)

I loved this book!! It was very inspiring, motivational and I truly believe in what Amy is suggesting - believe in love, be optimistic and it will happen. (Before this book, I had just read The Secret, so that's a good comparison - it's applying the Law of Attraction to love.) Amy gives some great tips to help you stay positive and practice dating optimism. The examples she used really spoke to me - they easily could have been me! On top of all that, Amy is a great writer - she's written for a ton of women's magazines, so has that perfect, casual style that I really connected with.