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Melvin the Dry Cleaning Zombie and Vampire Shoe Warehouse [Kindle Edition]

PJ Jones
3.8 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (18 customer reviews)

Kindle Price: $0.99

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Book Description

Melvin, the Dry Cleaning Zombie
Ever since Melvin could remember, he’s had a crush on dry cleaning customer, Simone. Too bad he’s a zombie and can’t remember much. If only Simone would be his girl, or at the very least, let Melvin eat the gooey matter inside her cranium.
Simone is fed up with her egotistical boyfriend. If only she could find a nice guy who doesn’t want to feast on her brains.

Vampire Shoe Warehouse
Bethany’s tired of her dead-end job as a manager at a shoe store, but she can’t quit or else her evil boss will expose her secret. If other vampires found out about her abnormality, it could mean certain death.
Henry is a failure who dropped out of wizarding school, but that doesn’t stop him from pining over Bethany. Can the world’s worst wizard use his magic to save the girl of his dreams? Will Henry’s love for Bethany be enough to keep her from feasting on his jugular?

Each short story is approximately 4000 words.

******Praise for MELVIN THE DRY CLEANING ZOMBIE******
"...filthy, trashy, and downright fun writing style that makes the stories in this book a true delight to read." Here Be Zombies

"...it will grab you and keep you in stitches." Book Wenches

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Product Details

  • File Size: 562 KB
  • Print Length: 37 pages
  • Simultaneous Device Usage: Unlimited
  • Publisher: PJ Jones (September 6, 2011)
  • Sold by: Amazon Digital Services, Inc.
  • Language: English
  • ASIN: B005LKBRNI
  • Text-to-Speech: Enabled
  • X-Ray:
  • Lending: Enabled
  • Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #811,313 Paid in Kindle Store (See Top 100 Paid in Kindle Store)
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Customer Reviews

Most Helpful Customer Reviews
13 of 14 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars Brains! September 13, 2011
Format:Kindle Edition
Both these short stories involving zombies and vamps were written in PJ Jones typical fashion--funny, witty, and entertaining. Both Melvin, the love-struck zombie and Bethany, the heroine of The Vampire Shoe Warehouse are characters you root for--just don't get too close! Highly recommended for a light humorous read!
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10 of 11 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars I'm a Fan! September 13, 2011
Format:Kindle Edition
I already loved Pj's parody work before this collection, but this is even better than Schnitzel. Both stories, Melvin the Dry Cleaning Zombie and Vampire Shoe Warehouse are laugh-out-loud funny and just plain fun. No to mention they both have cute, happy endings :) I recommend this collection for a good laugh and an upbeat escape!
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9 of 11 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars Parody, thy name is PJ September 14, 2011
Format:Kindle Edition
With novels, my reviews tend to max out at 4 as I have only ever gone 5 with my "favorite books ever," but for short stories my standards are different. I am looking for a short read that will be engaging and entertaining in the moment, and the two stories here fit the bill perfectly. Both are hilarious not only on the level of skewering the pretensions of certain genres, but also in the drawing of the characters and situations. Combining those elements is not always easy but Jones does it very well here, mixing bawdy humor and solid story-telling for laughs, with a wink.
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1 of 1 people found the following review helpful
Format:Kindle Edition|Verified Purchase
These two stories are crude, one-joke affairs and the humor, without exception, falls totally and painfully flat. Very difficult to finish.
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1 of 1 people found the following review helpful
4.0 out of 5 stars Funny October 7, 2011
Format:Kindle Edition
I liked both stories. PJ's writing is likeable. Love these especially for the October Halloween atmosphere and made me laugh.
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2 of 3 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars Bizarre and Brilliant! December 17, 2011
Format:Kindle Edition
Look at it. Look at the cover, the title - what do you expect? Well, it's weirder! Melvin has the misfortune to become a zombie, in a world where there's only one route left to the undead - a job in dry cleaning... This book was utterly ridiculous, a pleasure to read from start to finish. It's 'HitchHiker's Guide' style humour, only with naughty bits - and a world in such hilarious circumstances that I can't wait to read more from it. I cracked up on the very first page of 'Marvin' and it kept me mightily amused throughout. P.J. Jones has a new fan, if everything he writes is this funny - and this bizarre - I gotta get me some more o' that! I strongly recommend this book to all but the youngest readers (who might not be prepared for a zombie's private parts). Enjoy. Preferably with a side order of brains...
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4.0 out of 5 stars Not Bad February 14, 2013
Format:Kindle Edition|Verified Purchase
It was definitely an interesting read. I do kind of wish it was a little longer, but hey... that's short stories for you!
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3.0 out of 5 stars A one question quiz to help you decide... November 3, 2012
Format:Kindle Edition|Verified Purchase
What did the zombie say to the prostitute? Keep the tip!

Did you think the above joke was funny?

If you answered yes you should download this pair of short stories immediately. If your answer was no, cross this author off of your list of potential writers and run, don't walk, away now. Each story is built around similar un-PC humor. Why, the discerning reader may ask, do zombies gravitate toward jobs in the dry cleaning industry? Well, your first mistake is in being discerning. This isn't written for people that consider themselves discerning. Or stoic. Or know the definition of either of those adjectives. No explanation for zombie career decisions is provided. Readers should feel fortunate enough that there's even a cursory reason provided as to why having big feet places a vampire at a potential disadvantage amongst other immortals.

These stories are written to entertain people with a bit of time to kill and the capacity for just shrugging their respective shoulders and going with the flow of a story just for the fun of it.
I don't think for a second the author would disagree or be insulted by my saying that these stories are an utter and complete waste of time. Sometimes, for whatever reason, we all need to completely waste some of our time. As a young Val Kilmer once said, "it's a moral imperative."

I've seen and read funnier stories. But this pair was funny enough that I was able to enjoy them while stuck as a passenger on a recent long car trip with a person too busy focusing on navigation to engage in lively banter. The stories were an irreverant and entertaining way to pass the time. In other words, they did their job for me and did it well enough that I've downloaded several other offerings by P. J.
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Most Recent Customer Reviews
5.0 out of 5 stars Hilarious!
I thought both stories were told with Pj's wry sense of humor and they really passed the time which is what an entertaining story, whether it be a short story or full-length novel,... Read more
Published 18 months ago by ReadingAddict
3.0 out of 5 stars FUN
This is an entertaining novelette worth its price. It's a quick read, but quirky and amusing in its own way.
Published 20 months ago by kaoskitty
4.0 out of 5 stars Shouldn't the Title Tell You This Isn't A Serious Book
Funny stories, dumb plots but I still read on, laughed and enjoyed the short stories. If you are a Christopher Moore fan you will like this.
Published 24 months ago by dsunshine34
4.0 out of 5 stars Love Among Freaks
With a title that contained the phrase "dry cleaning zombie", I knew not to set a high standard for these works, and I was pleasantly surprised. Read more
Published on January 26, 2012 by Movie Lover
1.0 out of 5 stars No. Simply no.
Just because anyone can now write and publish stories does not mean that everyone should. There is no sense in this book, and after reading a few pages in I simply stopped. Read more
Published on December 22, 2011 by Johann Thorsson
5.0 out of 5 stars Need a laugh? Read these stories...
This had been sitting in my archives for a while and finally got around to reading it. Hilarious,snarky and worth the read. Read more
Published on December 12, 2011 by Samira H.
3.0 out of 5 stars Fun and Funny
This book contains two fun and funny stories. If you have ever wondered what zombie romance is like or if you have been obsessed with all those fine-looking vampires out there... Read more
Published on November 22, 2011 by Maxine McLister
4.0 out of 5 stars Loved this!
I hated that the books weren't longer. Melvin especially! But both stories are great fast reads! Would love to see more at a future date!
Published on October 31, 2011 by Kristee300
5.0 out of 5 stars A Monster Fest Feast of Funny
Looking for a good, light-hearted read, I picked up this book and could not put it down. PJ Jones has written two wickedly witty little tales that had me laughing out loud! Read more
Published on October 21, 2011 by Deborah A. Prestwood
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More About the Author

PJ Jones spends her days scrubbing pots, collecting clown figurines and chasing five squealing kids around the house. No, that sounds too pathetic.

She lives on a 70 foot yacht and drinks sparkling wine by her pool while basking in the salty air and communicating with the local dolphins. Too far fetched?

She sits in front of a computer most of the day, writing, deleting, then writing some more, until her butt is numb and her brain is fried. Better?

Prior to becoming a full-time chair warmer, PJ Jones not-so-enjoyed a short stint as a journalist and then seven agonizing...eh blissful years as a high school English teacher.

PJ would LOVE to hear from her readers @ pjjoneswriter@yahoo.com or you can visit her webpage @ http://pjjoneswrites.wordpress.com/

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