Customer Reviews

A Member of the Club: Reflections on Life in a Racially Polarized World

5 star:		(6)
4 star:		(11)
3 star:		(2)
2 star:		(4)
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I first heard about this book in a law student magazine. The topic of race relations has always been an interest of mine. Being a multiracial person, I feel I have a very open-minded and unbiased view on the subject. I have felt racial hatred (slurs, etc) and I have also been favorably treated on some occasions due to my mostly white appearance. When I want on amazon and saw the controversy voiced about this book, I just had to find out for myself.

First, I'd like to repudiate the review shown right below this one. The chapter "I never dated a white girl" is excellent. It's relevant, well informed, and non-racist. Pretty much the opposite of everything the previous reviewer stated. The author's observation of the many successful black men who chose to pursue white women exclusively, I suspect is even far more true today than it was in 1996 when this book was published. You see the attitude everywhere, black men who think that they are too good for black women. Some even bragging about the fact that they date only whites. It is to the point now where if you see a black man with his act together (having a job, education, etc.) and he's with a black woman, you take notice. It catches my attention. I think to myself, now here's someone who is not caught up in self-hatred.

Second. This book would be very informational to exactly the people who are least likely to read it - white bigots in middle-America. A common view among such people is that there is little, if any, racism in our society. These people (the white bigots) fool themselves into thinking that everything that they have has been earned, rather than given to them, and that anybody else (such as an impoverished black) should be able to do the same thing. The author's reception as a worker at the country club and in chapter "Harlem on My Mind" where he goes out seeking a job is illustrative of the artificial disadvantage that minorities face in the workforce.

The Nose Job. Before reading this book, I wondered why on earth would he put this chapter in here. Many people assume that buy opting for a "whiter" nose, the author is demonstrating his self-hatred and obsession on being white. This is not the case. In our society we have adopted a universal standard of beauty. The message being, the more you look like a certain ideal the more beautiful you are. Have you recently heard someone say, "He looks good for a black man?" Replace black with white, Asian, mixed-race. That's how people talk. Beauty is judged independent of race. The author states, "I shouldn't have to defend my surgery any more than those 640,000 [mostly white] patients who [undergo cosmetic surgery] each year." I agree. All of the other people who undergo cosmetic surgery are doing exactly the same thing the author did. He took steps to look more ideal, as judged by himself, as influenced by society.

My only complaint. The only thing that bothered me is that the author seems to exhibit the materialism and consumerism that has infected most of society. I get this impression from the author's relentless dropping of unnecessary materialist/consumerist information. The author has already established 1. That he grew up in a predominantly white neighbor hood, not rich, but certainly not poor, 2. That he's ivy league educated, and 3. That he's a professional who was making $105,000 per year. After all this information regarding his economic status why does he find it necessary to point out everywhere the brand of clothes he wears, the brand of cars he rides in, and type of credit cards he carries. "I removed my American Express GOLD card." (chapter 1) "She glanced at...my...RALPH LAUREN windbreaker, and white STAN SMITH tennis shoes." (chapter 12) The author mentions is horn-rimmed (presumably expensive) glasses what felt like 3-4 times in the book. After he explicitly established that he is capable of earning $105,000 per year, why is it necessary to state to the reader that he wears Paul Stuart suits?! (chapter 1) The only explanation I can think of is that the author suffers from a form of the same materialism/consumerism that he listened to Reverend Calvin Butts lecture about on Palm Sunday. (chapter 12). Secondary complaint: The only explanation I can think for including the list of ways the country club cafeteria staff shorts the customers (page 16), which undoubtedly happens at other exclusive dining establishments ("If you drop a roll on the floor...put it back in the bread warmer.") is to in a sense "put it in the face" of white rich country club members. As if to say childishly, "na, na I didn't want to be in your exclusive club anyway, because your club sucks." LOG: Was there another reason for this information?

Of the many interesting chapters in the book, I found "Harlem On My Mind" to be my favorite. Here we catch a glimpse of poverty and what life might be like in a housing project. Although he wasn't technically in a housing project a week by week tenement is probably as close as a Harvard attorney can get without committing fraud. Plus this chapter introduces the likeable character, Willie.

In conclusion, this book is an interesting account of a black professional's adventure into discovering the dichotomy of black and white and rich and poor in our society. The fact that he would even explore these issues makes me like the author, as opposed to just going around through life being as rich as possible like most people.

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Lawrence Graham once again makes his readers confront and reflect upon the angst of being a member of the Black elite in a society that still rejects them. He challenges Black leaders, people and civil rights organizations to become more relevent in reaching out to a new generation in the post civil rights era. He also attacks the underlying myths of affirmitive action, reminds us that in white elitist America racism is alive and well and that Black people have their own set of prejudices.
Overall Member of the Club is a good selection of his articles that rightfully throws light on those areas that Blacks talk about behind closed doors. The fact of America being racially polarized is a given and it is odd that the author comes across as being naive to this fact.
As a member of the Black upper middle-class who has punched all of the "right" tickets the author does come across as a whiner. His incessant need to be accepted by white America come across throughout the entire text and drags it down. What is it that Graham wants? What is his vision for African-Americans? How should African-Americans of means define themselves in the struggle for both equality as well as individual self-fulfillment? These are the questions that are not addressed in his book.
Member of the Club could be titled the Black Elitist Sings the Blues for certainly you hear the blues of a brother trying to make it in a society that has done him wrong.

I have read both of Mr. Graham's books and I have thoroughly enjoyed both. I firmly believe that he is shedding light on an aspect of the black community that has been hidden for years because people in this country can't handle the thought of there being a black elite that does not hinge on athletics and entertainment. I admire Graham for showcasing the blatant and subtle racism that continue to plague this country even today. The chapters on interracial dating, dining in certain establishments, and his time at the country club speak volumes and are especially poignant. Unlike many on this site I appreciate Graham's lack of tolerance for interracial dating. I notice that others who have responded talk of fairness and colorblind dating, but the fact of the matter is that there are MANY blacks who date whites solely because they DO think that they are better than blacks. I applaud Graham for keeping it real.

I too found Graham's book insightful and quite succinct for the most part. Graham displays a remarkable ability to step out of the trappings of his (exceedingly) privileged life to see how the other half lives. In so doing he exposes the vicious and endemic racism that rages virtually unchecked among many wealthy (and otherwise) whites when they think they are out of earshot and cannot be held accountable. This is never more true than in his first and most famous essay, where he dons the persona of a humble busboy working at an exclusive,all-white country club. On the other side of the tracks, he makes a daring pilgrimage to Harlem, living for a time in a vermin- and crime-infested tenement. Miraculously adopting a Clark Kent-Superman change of clothing and affect, he pays a visit to an enclave of rich black Harlem residents who have the means to send their kids to private schools and have their shopping done elsewhere, virtually disconnected from the surrounding blight. Here he manages to lift the veil of class that separates upper-, middle- and lower-class Blacks. Even while indicting well-to-do Blacks for their seeming indifference to those less fortunate, Graham manages to suggest that those in dire predicaments bear a modicum of responsibility for their own plight. In this last essay, Graham's tour of Harlem makes an appropriate bookend of a journey that is a sobering (and ultimately dismaying) assessment about race, class and culture in America.

Harvard educated lawyer Larry Graham went undercover as a busboy at a fancy blue blood country club and was shocked to find out that in private even nice, educated, old money Northerners say some horrible things about black people. The experience was a huge awakening for Graham and is the major part of the book.

But don't overlook the esays that make up the rest of the work. "Dinner with Mr. Charlie" is pricless. If you are black and want to eat in NYC you must read this one. Graham went to several well known New York restaraunts and reports on how he and his guests were treated. The next time I'm in New York I won't be eating in any of these places! "The Harlem on My Mind" essay is heartbreaking as is the "Black Man with a Nose Job" piece. Graham keeps beating his head against an inmovable barrier. Despite his education, nose job and fine career he isn't and can't ever be a "member of the club" and that's the one fault of the book. I kept hoping that at some point he'd conclude that being a member isn't worth the pain and humiliation but he never does. It was a satisfying read. At turns it's funny, pitiful and maddening. I rushed out to buy Graham's next book, Our Kind of People as soon as it hit the bookstores.

Mr. Graham really possesses a gutsy candor and honesty which is both intriguing and unsettling. Even though many of the situations, conversations, and characters presented in his book seem one dimensional and stereotypical, there is something there that lingers in my mind. The gestalt has the ring of truth which hits home, (and I'm not even african american !). Insidious racism in genteel surroundings is somehow even scarier than the in your face brand. Keep up the good work Mr. Graham, we need to know what's going on.

This was an honest perspective into the prejudices that still exist. I appreciated the author's experiences and views on the way he was treated. It always amazes me that no matter how far you've come in your life that people's ignorance can always try and pull you down.

A great collection of essays that demonstrate the trials and tribulations of the middle, upper-middle, and upper-class blacks. Whether or not you agree totally with his assessments and perspectives, you have to admit he has the exposure level needed to make accurate assessments of this subject matter.

I also respect his honest, heart-on-sleeve style. Most people are not brave enough to bare their imperfections to the world for scrutiny, and, often times, courage breeds envy.

This book was interesting and uncovered a lot dynamic aspects of blacks in the U.S. There were somethings that made me think to my own personal experiences with dealing about certain issues such as inter-racial dating, Affirmative Action, all black lunch tables, legacies and the lack of diversity at institutions of higher learning. However, there was one thing that was too outrageous and that was the author's nose job experience. I believe that people who receive nose jobs or whatever type of plastic surgery are looking for some type of self-esteem that can be purchased and race is not always a factor. People want to look and are willing to fork over the money to do it, but one thing you have to remember is that we are not getting any younger and who really cares that you have a big nose, full lips, and big ears.

Definitely, if you're thinking of reading this book, you should...regardless of race. It's an interesting read and has some true ideas in it, but if you're a non-Black, don't think it's representative of all Black people's ideas.

I've got to say that I have a few problems with Graham. Other reviewers have, more or less, echoed the sentiment that he's inconsistent, and this is true. However, I believe he's inconsistent in that he basically demonstrates he has shifted his life from one extreme (trying pathetically hard for the acceptance of Whites) to the other (going a little overboard on the idea of "Blackness"), and his discussing both in one book makes him look hypocritical and narrowminded, in a way. Here are some reasons why, in my opinion:

-I would say Graham DOES come across as having a problem with interracial dating. He even sits there and gives off a laundry list of famous Blacks who have had relationships with Whites, and the impression I get is that he feels as if all of these people are the kind who date Whites because they feel they are too good for Blacks, which is the main "guilty until proven innocent" type of assumption many Blacks will make when they see an IR on the surface and don't really know the people.

-I believe this is also the chapter he basically makes some comments about biracial Blacks, which I am. The impression I get here is that he believes that any kind of Black person is supposed to be 100% Black, no matter what their background is. He's one of those "one drop" type people, to me. His point about Jennifer Beals is well-taken--I'd never heard her say anything about being Black until she got on this show about lesbians on Showtime. Fine. That doesn't mean all biracials HAVE to just date Blacks or just identify as Black, which he jumped on her about commenting she doesn't just consider herself Black or something to that effect. Well, she's NOT just Black. Deal with it and quit insisting on labelling everybody one thing. Graham himself looks like there are Native Americans in his family, and probably Whites, too.

-He basically makes it sound as if Black people need to live their life according to their race. All of our decisions and actions need to be colored by race. We are OBLIGATED to every other Black person...HAVE to date Blacks because we ARE Black...that kind of stuff, from the tone I get. I'm not going to let being Black dictate my life, and he obviously hasn't, either since he went to Princeton, Harvard Law and is very elite in comparison to the average Black. And if I get into Harvard Law, that's where I'm going, as well; I'm not going to Howard just because I'm part-Black just like he didn't go there. And I don't have an obligation to anybody except my family, in my mind. ANY person in need, though, I will extend a hand, regardless of race. I will do for someone who is Black because I want to, not because the Black race tries to tell me I HAVE to. If everyone else in the world was taught that, maybe there'd be less racism.

-Graham appears to be divisive in his thinking, not only of Blacks and Whites but also of Blacks along class lines. He said the different classes of Black people need different representatives, which is not necessarily a bad idea since I agree with him that Jesse Jackson can't do it all and not all Black leaders necessarily understand ALL the different problems facing different classes of Blacks. But it IS divisive of the Black community. There's nothing wrong with Black community, but I think it's different than letting being Black run your life like I said before. It makes him seem even more elitist. If you're going to be a true leader, if you don't know or haven't experienced the full extent of your followers' problems, it's your responsibility to learn and still represent, not separate us further by class. People who suggest Graham is talking about Blacks but are unsure whether he should even be talking are right because he can't represent most Blacks and obviously doesn't even care to nor want Black leaders to.

-Furthemore...all of this stuff about IR dating and biracials, and yet he's trying to defend getting a nose job? He says, if I remember correctly, that if someone gets a nose job they don't need to explain and it's not necessarily about wanting to look White...but then he practically demands earlier in the book that Black people be 100% Black and entirely devoted to all of the Black race? And questions a Black person's motives for dating outside their race, even if they obviously belong to two races?

Anyone who is so race-driven, at either extreme and definitely if he has lived his life on both extremes, has problems with THEIRSELF, in my opinion. He can't come to a middle ground on anything, and he seems like one of those people who--at the time of writing this book--is someone who has just discovered "the other side" of theirself...if you're Black, you know how it is when you finally start opening your eyes to all the injustices Black people have to put up with and how, at first, it changes how you think, maybe makes you kind of angry and suddenly consumes your thoughts, words, actions, etc. You get a bit extreme. That is somewhat Graham in this book--he's not angry, but he had obviously only recently started considering such things. For example, as I read passages to my mother, she just said, "I could have wrote that damn book." She acknowledged the truth of it, but she'd known it long enough for it not to be a big deal.