Men Can: The Changing Image and Reality of Fatherhood in America [Hardcover]

Donald Unger (Author)

Book Description

Publication Date: May 28, 2010

Fatherhood is evolving in America. Stay at home dads are becoming more commonplace; men are becoming more visible in domestic, caregiving activities. In Men Can, writer, teacher, and father Donald Unger uses his personal experiences, stories of real-life families, as well as representations of fathers in film, on television, and in advertising, to illuminate the role of men in the increasingly fluid domestic sphere. In thoughtful interviews, Don Unger tells the stories of a half dozen familiesoof varied ethnicities, geographical locations, and philosophical orientationsoin which fathers are either primary or equally sharing parents, personalizing what is changing in how Americans care for their children. These stories are complemented by a discussion of how the language of parenting has evolved and how media representations of fathers have shifted over several decades. Men Can shows how real change can take place when families divide up domestic labor on a gender-neutral basis. The families whose stories he tells offer insights into the struggles ofoand opportunities foromen caring for children. When it comes to taking up the responsibility of parenting, his argument, ultimately, is in favor of respecting personal choices and individual differences, crediting and supporting functional families, rather than trying to force every household into a one-size-fits-all mold.

Editorial Reviews

Review

"Fatherhood is evolving. In Men CAN, Donald Unger tells the story of that evolution in ways that are warm, personal, and compelling. The picture that emerges is a hopeful one, but it will also be helpful and comforting to men and women struggling with new roles at home." 
—Jeremy Adam Smith, author of The Daddy Shift and editor of Shareable.net

Book Description

Fatherhood is evolving in America. Stay at home dads are becoming more commonplace; men are becoming more visible in domestic, caregiving activities. In Men Can, writer, teacher, and father Donald Unger uses his personal experiences, stories of real-life families, as well as representations of fathers in film, on television, and in advertising, to illuminate the role of men in the increasingly fluid domestic sphere.

 

In thoughtful interviews, Don Unger tells the stories of a half dozen families—of varied ethnicities, geographical locations, and philosophical orientations—in which fathers are either primary or equally sharing parents, personalizing what is changing in how Americans care for their children. These stories are complemented by a discussion of how the language of parenting has evolved and how media representations of fathers have shifted over several decades.   

 

Men Can shows how real change can take place when families divide up domestic labor on a gender-neutral basis.  The families whose stories he tells offer insights into the struggles of—and opportunities for—men caring for children. When it comes to taking up the responsibility of parenting, his argument, ultimately, is in favor of respecting personal choices and individual differences, crediting and supporting functional families, rather than trying to force every household into a one-size-fits-all mold. 

See all Editorial Reviews

Product Details

• Hardcover: 240 pages
• Publisher: Temple University Press (May 28, 2010)
• Language: English
• ISBN-10: 1439900000
• ISBN-13: 978-1439900000
• Product Dimensions: 6.1 x 0.8 x 8.4 inches
• Shipping Weight: 13.6 ounces (View shipping rates and policies)
• Average Customer Review: 4.5 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (4 customer reviews)
• Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #1,425,089 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

More About the Author

Currently a lecturer in the Program in Writing and Humanistic Studies at MIT. I'm interested in changes in the representation of men, masculinity, and fatherhood in both language use and in popular culture--more or less during my lifetime (b. 1962, NYC).

My short fiction has been published in literary magazines in the US, Canada and Europe; list and samples here: http://donunger.com/FicPubs.htm

Among other places, my nonfiction work has appeared in The Boston Globe, The Philadelphia Inquirer, The Village Voice, and Knowledge@Wharton and its affiliated sites; list and samples here: http://donunger.com/NonFicPubs.htm

I've done political and cultural commentary for the NPR affiliates in Amherst, Massachusetts and Albany, New York; list and a few MP3s here: http://donunger.com/UngerRadio.htm

Other excesses and personal details at Self-Promotion Central: http://donunger.com

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

4 of 4 people found the following review helpful

5.0 out of 5 stars Must read for anyone interested in parenting, men, and family life in America July 21, 2010

By John A. Badalament

Format:Hardcover

Men Can is a great book. We'll start there. Don Unger miraculously weaves rich, gripping family stories with incisive cultural criticism, provocative sociological commentary, and engaging personal narrative; the result is a highly readable, uncommonly thoughtful, and deeply interesting book about men, women, family life, and all things parenting. To boot, Don's laser sharp wit comes through beautifully in this book. Funny, touching, but most of all provocative, Men Can is a must read for parents, educators, mental health providers, M.D's, and anyone else interested in men's potential to play a more critical role in society in the decades to come...
Great job, Don!
John Badalament

3 of 3 people found the following review helpful

5.0 out of 5 stars A Head-Nodder October 13, 2010

By M. Schneider

Format:Hardcover

Donald Unger uses stories of real families to expose inconsistencies in our language, our politics, and our culture that are holding men and women back from succeeding at work and at home. Unger doesn't seek to define a family formula that works, but instead "favors flexible arrangements and a society that respects personal choices and individual differences, crediting and supporting functional families." For me, in this media world that runs towards extremes to increase readership/viewership, Unger serves as a voice of reason to help the reader sift through the nonsense to show how families are actually living.

One inconsistency Unger highlights is a resistance to acknowledge the change that has happened to real families. In conservative circles, the message goes that if a man were to publicly admit to sharing domestic labor, it would be an "admission of emasculation on two counts," first a failure to earn sufficient money to allow his wife to stay home, and second for doing "women's work." For a woman in the same circles, admitting she works means she has failed to take care of her home and children and she has "usurped the prerogatives of the '"proper head of household.'" In many real families, especially middle class and blue collar families, Unger points out a strong aversion to daycare, citing a "betrayal of family values." Given that most mothers and fathers in these families need to work, evidence shows that these Moms and Dads are in fact sharing responsibilities at home to some degree.

From liberal circles on the other hand, Unger points to a resistance to acknowledging progress because it might blunt further progress. Basically, men may help more than they used to, but they don't help enough. These thinkers have suggested that portraying family and childcare issues as fathers' issues fails to recognize the struggle that women have felt and still feel as they fight for "equality." Unger suggests that issues around fathers shouldn't be taken as competition for attention, but rather that mothers and fathers share many of the same concerns, and we are "more powerful when we stand together as parents than when we set ourselves up as fathers against mothers or vice versa."

Unger looks to a "much more open definition of family and of caregiving generally, opening up and broadening what is possible, or perhaps more accurately what is acceptable, for a man to do with his life." Another way to look at it, "we may see the home open up to men in the same way that the workplace began to open up to women in the 1970s."

Unger goes on to point out other inconsistencies as well. In our language, for example, Unger asks us to think about the difference between the verbs, "to mother" and "to father." In TV commercials, Unger wonders if portraying fathers as bumbling idiots serves to sell more cellphones or to barricade the domestic sphere. Unger also considers various TV shows and movies and the way that fathers have been portrayed over time. I especially enjoyed Unger's discussion of Mary Poppins, and the realization that the character that changes the most in the movie in the father!

Overall, Unger's book is an enjoyable read and what I like call a "head-nodder," a book that considers different perspectives and distinguishes what makes sense and what serves to hold us back.

2 of 2 people found the following review helpful

4.0 out of 5 stars The changing image of today's father September 29, 2010

By Book Dads

Format:Hardcover

The most enjoyable part of the book for me was reading Unger's portrayal of the families he interviewed, all of whom had dads staying home as the primary caregiver. I was struck by the common thread among these families, all of whom differed in terms of ethnicity, geography, and philosophy, being they simply wanted to be good parents. As progressive as I like to think of myself as being, I found my own personal stereotypes were challenged in this part of the book. I applaud Unger for his efforts at finding that common link, and I think many readers will appreciate these stories and connect on some level with the families portrayed.

For my entire review, please visit Book Dads at: [..]