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Men Who Can't Love Hardcover – July, 1997

4.7 out of 5 stars 278 customer reviews

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Editorial Reviews

About the Author

Steven Carter is Managing Director, Apter International.
Jeremy Kourdi is a Freelance Writer and Business Consultant.
--This text refers to the Paperback edition.

Product Details

  • Hardcover: 242 pages
  • Publisher: Fine Communications; 1St Edition edition (July 1997)
  • Language: English
  • ISBN-10: 1567310478
  • ISBN-13: 978-1567310474
  • Product Dimensions: 0.8 x 5.8 x 8.8 inches
  • Shipping Weight: 14.1 ounces
  • Average Customer Review: 4.7 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (278 customer reviews)
  • Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #436,474 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

Customer Reviews

Top Customer Reviews

Format: Mass Market Paperback
I have read this book three times. Each time I find more information and it further explains my ex-boyfriend as he has through the years let out more of his Commitmentphobic tendencies. This book really hits the nail on the head with this problem. It's like the authors monitored your whole relationship and are now writing about your whole crazy situation! Which helps because reading this lets you know you aren't crazy and to stop beating yourself up over all of the issues the Commitmentphobic person has created. Depending on where you are in your life these relationships could destroy you and everything you have worked for personally and this book could be your saving grace. It doesn't place a lot of nasty blame or finger pointing on the man, it explains Commitmentphobia; it is a real problem! Believe me after he promised counseling and made super romantic attempts to be with me I went back to him each time, after two years we are apart again. Hence this is the third time I have read this book and hopefully the last. It all takes time to sink in I think, no matter how strong you are. Read it whenever you need it to keep your head out of the haze they create and to keep your self-esteem in tact. While reading through the book you will find yourself highlighting nearly the whole book, checking off every sign in the different stages as they are explained. The best money you will ever spend if this is your situation!
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Format: Mass Market Paperback
This is an important book for anyone who is suffering the fallout of a fairy tale beginning of a relationship. I recently found myself engaged after only 4 months of dating (and I am someone that ALL my friends call overly-cautious where men are concerned). He was everything I ever wanted in a man....or so I thought. Things were great until a ring was purchased. All of a sudden, nothing I wanted or needed in life mattered to this man, nothing I did was right and I began to feel like I had no business breathing. It was like being hit by a bus head on. I walked around shell-shocked for days..pleading with him to please talk to me....what happened? Thank goodness for this book. I started reading this book with the hope that things would work out between us but by the end I no longer WANTED things to 'work out' with this man. When I read the line "would you let a friend treat you like this?" I thought....NO WAY. If a friend did to me what he's done, that person would be written off my list. I do think that one should not read this book and believe that all the commitment problems are his. NOTHING happens in our lives by accident. If you are in a world of hurt because of a relationship THIS IS THE BOOK TO READ!
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Format: Mass Market Paperback
I sat in tears at the library reading this book because it was like reading my life. It was so reassuring to know that there are other women who have suffered as much just because we give our love so freely and unconditionally. It was a review of this book that made me go out and read it immediately. She had written about exactly what I was going through. Age seems not to make a difference. Once a commitmentphobe, always one it appears. My "soul-mate" was 20 years older than me, in his late fifties. An interesting twist on my story, is that although he had plenty of money, he never bought me a birthday, Valetine's or Christmas gift. I don't think it was so much the money, as it was his feeling that a gift would indicate commitment. He would never spend the night with me, and seemed content to talk romantically about what the future would hold - how wonderful it would be to snuggle together, couldn't wait to be together all the time, etc. He was just living in a fantasy world of no commitment, while I was seeing a rosy future, completely unaware that he was about to yank the rug out from under me. After never having a fight, always laughing, and romantic walks on the beach, he one night (after a date), announced he didn't see us with a future together. Thankfully, I had the common sense to calmly say that was all I needed to hear, and gave him his things. If you think that not crowding these men will do the trick, forget it.Read more ›
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By A Customer on May 6, 2004
Format: Mass Market Paperback
I recently broke up with the guy I thought I was going to marry. When he very unexpectedly broke off our very serious relationship after 8 months, I, like many women, was confused and desperately searching for an explanation. The ONLY explanation I could fathom was that he was commitment phobic.

When I read the first part of the book "Part 1: HIS Problem" I actually felt worse and more confused. My (ex) boyfriend doesn't really match the profiles of the men interviewed in the book. He didn't cancel dates, he wasn't cheating on me, he's not divorced and he doesn't have problems making major purchasing decisions--in fact, he's the opposite of these men. I thought, maybe he's NOT commitment phobic--if not, then WHAT is the explanation, the reason? And after reading the interviews, I am more bitter and I hate men even more. (Note to commitment phobic men: Be careful what you wish for.)

However, "Part 2: YOUR RELATIONSHIP: What a Smart Woman Can Do" hit home. Throughout the relationship, many (okay most)of his actions matched the patterns outlined in this section. Although I maintained my independence and the "Smart Responses" suggested in the book throughout our relationship, over time, he was still eventually able to get me to respond as outlined in the "Typical Responses," which must explain why our relationship lasted 8 months, and not 6 (which was the point where I started noticing that he was withdrawing).

The part that really hit home was that there is nothing I can do to save the relationship because he is never going to change, no matter how much he misses me and realizes how perfect we were together. The 2nd section has helped me to a) move on, and, b) be prepared for if and when he calls wanting to resurrect the relationship.
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