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The Men I Didn't Marry: A Novel
 
 
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The Men I Didn't Marry: A Novel [Paperback]

Janice Kaplan (Author), Lynn Schnurnberger (Author)
3.6 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (21 customer reviews)

Price: $13.95 & eligible for FREE Super Saver Shipping on orders over $25. Details
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Book Description

May 29, 2007
The authors of the national bestsellers Mine Are Spectacular! and The Botox Diaries apply their trademark wit and wisdom to another delicious read. Join Hallie Lawrence Pierpont as she’s whisked away on a journey into her past love life that leads to her future.

Hallie’s husband, Bill, doesn’t even wait until they get home from dropping off their youngest daughter at Yale to announce that he’s leaving–for fitness trainer Ashlee (two e’s, perky breasts, and shiny hair to boot). After first succumbing to an Oreo-induced coma, Hallie is determined to get her life back. An unexpected call from an old college boyfriend sets a plan in motion. Whatever happened to all those men she didn’t marry?

First up is Eric, now an international businessman and number 277 on Forbes’s “Richest People in the World” list. He and Hallie used to put a nickel in the piggy bank every time they made love. Now Eric would like to renew the investment. Next she finds Rav Jon Yoma Maharishi–formerly known as Barry. Her onetime backpacking boyfriend has become the spiritual leader at the Heavenly Spirit Retreat Center, and their reunion would be a little smoother if he weren’t in the midst of a three-day silent meditation. Kevin, the sexiest man she ever met, is now a scuba-diving photographer working on Angelina Jolie’s latest movie. When he seduces her into joining him at his beachfront paradise on Virgin Gorda, Hallie can overlook his gaggle of bikini-clad friends, but can a woman survive on a steady diet of sex, sharks, and air tanks?

Back at home with her best friend, Bellini Baxter, Hallie visits an all-night spray-tanning salon and Soho’s legendary Cellulite Exorcist, whose secret weapon looks suspiciously like an Oreck vacuum cleaner. Hallie’s college-age children are protective of their mom but embarrassed to have her back in teenage territory–the world of dating and condoms. Finally, Hallie confronts the great love she swore she’d never see again and resolves an old family secret.

Janice Kaplan and Lynn Schnurnberger tell a heartfelt and hilarious story about moving forward by looking back. By turns poignant and laugh-aloud funny, this is a must read for every woman who’s ever wondered about the men she didn’t marry.


From the Hardcover edition.

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Editorial Reviews

From Booklist

Hallie, a fortysomething successful lawyer and mother of two college kids, is devastated when her husband of 21 years tells her that he is leaving her for a woman half her age, named Ashlee--with two e's. After wallowing in self-pity and succumbing to an Oreo cookie and QVC coma, Hallie pulls herself together and decides that the past might hold the key to her happiness. She goes looking for her old boyfriends: Eric, a college boyfriend who is now an extremely rich investment broker; Barry, a sensitive guy she met while backpacking across Europe; Kevin, her old high-school boyfriend; and Dick, the one she thought she was going to marry and would now rather forget than find again. But it is in rekindling these old relationships that Hallie rediscovers who she is and what she wants out of life. Kaplan and Schnurnberger know how to craft a fun read that is perfect for those days when the most you want to do is lie around in your pajamas, watch QVC, and eat Oreos. Carolyn Kubisz
Copyright © American Library Association. All rights reserved --This text refers to the Hardcover edition.

Review

Praise for Janice Kaplan and Lynn Schnurnberger

Mine Are Spectacular!

"A funny, buoyant novel...[the authors'] combination of whip-smart dialogue, spot-on metaphors and the occasional steamy bedroom scene creates a hilarious hit that gives chick lit just the kick to keep it from going stale. As Sara's girlfriend Berni might remark, Mine Are Spectacular! is better than a box of bonbons."
–People (four-star review)

"Ferociously funny."
-The New York Times

“[The authors] are deservedly renowned for their ability to document the social habits and favorite trends of wealthy women.”
–Chicago Sun-Times

“Makes Wisteria Lane look like Sesame Street.”
–New Jersey Life

The Botox Diaries

“This summer’s must-have beach read!”
–ABC’s The View

“[A] midlife-crisis bonbon, which should be sold with fuzzy slippers and a tube of cucumber eye gel.”
–The New York Times Book Review

"A book you can't put down...a hilarious new novel offering a fresh and irreverent take on the lives and relationships of women in their forties."
--WCBS-TV

“Fast-paced and with zingers on every page.”
–The Washington Post

“A sexy romp . . . which leads [its characters] charmingly back to the basics of being best friends.”
–Elle


From the Hardcover edition.

Product Details

  • Paperback: 304 pages
  • Publisher: Ballantine Books (May 29, 2007)
  • Language: English
  • ISBN-10: 0345491181
  • ISBN-13: 978-0345491183
  • Product Dimensions: 8 x 5.2 x 1.1 inches
  • Shipping Weight: 8 ounces (View shipping rates and policies)
  • Average Customer Review: 3.6 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (21 customer reviews)
  • Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #1,107,853 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

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Customer Reviews

21 Reviews
5 star:
 (7)
4 star:
 (5)
3 star:
 (5)
2 star:
 (2)
1 star:
 (2)
 
 
 
 
 
Average Customer Review
3.6 out of 5 stars (21 customer reviews)
 
 
 
 
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Most Helpful Customer Reviews

10 of 10 people found the following review helpful:
4.0 out of 5 stars Mixed feelings, May 11, 2006
By 
I rated this book as a four stars because it was truly fun to read - an entertaining book. I laughed at a few scenes and I thoroughly enjoyed the premise and the writing style.

Now, for my negative comments. Throughout the entire storyline, I kept thinking "gimme a break". First off, it felt to me as though the authors never really had the main character deal with her pain - then again, looking up old boyfriends might have been her way of dealing???? Secondly, some of the lines in this book were downright corny - they made me cringe EEKKKK! and thirdly, the fact that the boyfriends she tracked down were all: 1) thrilled to see her (right!!!), 2) still in love with her (right!!!) and coincidentally still single (right!!!!!) - nope a little too convenient for me. Oh, did I even mention the absolutely perfect children who adore their mother so much (18 and 19 years of age) that they call her everyday AND fly to an Island to surprise her and be with her because they are afraid she is going to be lonely!! (yeah, that's going to happen in real life!!!)

Yet, I loved reading this book. So, there you have it - I am recommending a seriously ridiculous, but wonderful book.
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3 of 3 people found the following review helpful:
1.0 out of 5 stars Ugh!, July 19, 2010
I can enjoy an entertaining, "unrealistic" book or movie from time to time but, this book was unbelievable and ridiculous beyond compare! I spent much of my time saying to myself, "Yeah right." or "Gimme a break!" ...or rolling my eyes at all the one liners and cliches. The authors tried way too hard to be witty. If they removed half of the "humor" and replaced it with substance, (like real character development) this might have been a worthwhile read.
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3 of 3 people found the following review helpful:
1.0 out of 5 stars Pure Rubish, June 30, 2008
By 
This review is from: The Men I Didn't Marry: A Novel (Paperback)
Not since my last Cecelia Ahern book have I hated a character so much as I hated Hallie. She's supposed to be 40 but I could barely believe that she was 21. I kept reading hoping that the ending would turn out better than the rest of the story but no such luck. When I put the book down I just wished that she'd have gotten run over by a New York cab.

The dialog was trite, the name dropping was weak and the whole Angelina Jolie bit??? Give me a break!

Yeah...it was that bad.
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Inside This Book (learn more)
Key Phrases - Capitalized Phrases (CAPs): (learn more)
New York, Virgin Gorda, Tom Shepard, Angelina Jolie, Charles Tyler, Alan Alladin, Judge Warren, Joe Diddly, Beth Lewis, Diver Dave, Melina Marks, South American, Barry Stern, White Album, Super Bowl, Time Warner, Cold Spring
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