Most Helpful Customer Reviews
210 of 215 people found the following review helpful:
5.0 out of 5 stars
This book Saved my Sanity!, January 30, 2000
By A Customer
This review is from: Men Who Hate Women and the Women Who Love Them: When Loving Hurts And You Don't Know Why (Paperback)
Finally, a book that described my relationship perfectly. So many other books address men who are physically abusive, but what about those who slowly wear you down with manipulation and subtle verbal insults - men who have great jobs, men who everyone (outside the home) think are fabulous, men who are great friends to others and great workers. I live with someone who everyone else adores, but at home he turns into Mr. Hyde. He then blames me for his change in behavior. I thought I was alone (and it was indeed my fault) until I found this book. What a difference it has made in my life. I now know, without a doubt, that his behavior is not my fault. Susan's account of how men end up resenting women is right on for this relationship. And how they redirect their childhood experiences toward their intimate partners instead of where it should be directed. One writer says she thinks these relationships can be saved. The ONLY way they can be saved is for the men to realize how they got this way and be willing to do a huge amount of work to change their behaviors towards their intimate partners. If a man cannot do this, then the relationship cannot be saved. Why waste years of your life hoping a man will change. Susan says they don't don't suffer like the women they are with and I think that is true. For the first time in my life, I developed anxiety, depression, and significant weight gain from trying to "make him see the light". I now realize that it is not worth my health to try to get a man who has deep resentment towards women to change. I hope every woman in this situation realizes that, if you talk to the man about this and he does nothing consistently to change (counseling) than you are better off leaving and resuming a normal life where you can be truly happy. If you meet someone who seems too good to be true, check him out. Does he have broken relationships & marriages? How is his relationship with his mother? If you feel uneasy about him or he starts to put you down little by little or blames you for his behaviors at home - get Susan's book, then run for your life!
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77 of 80 people found the following review helpful:
5.0 out of 5 stars
May have saved my life, April 2, 2002
This book gave me the clarity and strength to stay out of a horrifically abusive marriage. Had I not read this, and also "Christian Men Who Hate Women," I might have gone back to my misogynistic husband. It hit me like a bolt of lightning between the eyes--finally I saw that I was never the problem, and that "forgiving" him one more time and "trusting God" and crawling back would solve nothing! In my case, the abuse and misogyny were hidden behind a facade of religiosity which was nothing but a cover for my husband's lunacy. He made me feel guilty for not being a "submissive wife" and pulled the Bible on me a lot (like other men might pull a gun on their wives and with as much malice), but this book made me see that there was no difference between my husband and rank heathen who rip their wives apart with barrages of four-letter words. His heart and intent was the same, and the results were the same--the wholesale evisceration of myself as an individual soul, personality, and essence. I can't thank Susan Forward enough for explaining to me, in a way that I could understand, how my husband could be so wonderful one hour and so vicious the next, and that even though he claimed that he would be wonderful all the time if I would just change and be what he wanted, that was a load of crock. I now know that my husband had every one of the warning signs that he was about to cross over into physical violence--signs such as irrational jealousy of other men and "locking me down" to prevent me from going anywhere, and that I got out in the nick of time to save myself and my children. This book whetted my appetite for more books on domestic violence which shed even more life on my hellish marriage and my need for a divorce. Highly recommended
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44 of 45 people found the following review helpful:
5.0 out of 5 stars
When he says: "They're all Whores", February 20, 2002
If you are trying to "prove" how "good, loving, caring, genuine, interested, devoted, and loyal" you are to him, always to find yourslef being not good enough in the end, no matter how hard you try, or what you do, then this book is for you. This book will show you what you have put up with, and how to re-claim your SELF, by setting boundaries that are healthy, and deserved. If you are a guy who truly hates women, then this book will show you why, and how you can view the woman in front of you for who she genuinely is, rather than the blanket label you have attached to her based on previous negative experiences. It is eye opening in the pinpointing of behaviors, reactions, and patterns that cause us all to feel bad in the end. I highly recommend this book to any woman who loves a man she can never please,and any to man who does not "want to love" a woman.
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