Customer Reviews

Men Who Hate Women and the Women Who Love Them : When Loving Hurts and You Don't Know Why

5 star:		(57)
4 star:		(8)
3 star:		(2)
2 star:		(2)
1 star:		(1)

 

 

Finally, a book that described my relationship perfectly. So many other books address men who are physically abusive, but what about those who slowly wear you down with manipulation and subtle verbal insults - men who have great jobs, men who everyone (outside the home) think are fabulous, men who are great friends to others and great workers. I live with someone who everyone else adores, but at home he turns into Mr. Hyde. He then blames me for his change in behavior. I thought I was alone (and it was indeed my fault) until I found this book. What a difference it has made in my life. I now know, without a doubt, that his behavior is not my fault. Susan's account of how men end up resenting women is right on for this relationship. And how they redirect their childhood experiences toward their intimate partners instead of where it should be directed. One writer says she thinks these relationships can be saved. The ONLY way they can be saved is for the men to realize how they got this way and be willing to do a huge amount of work to change their behaviors towards their intimate partners. If a man cannot do this, then the relationship cannot be saved. Why waste years of your life hoping a man will change. Susan says they don't don't suffer like the women they are with and I think that is true. For the first time in my life, I developed anxiety, depression, and significant weight gain from trying to "make him see the light". I now realize that it is not worth my health to try to get a man who has deep resentment towards women to change. I hope every woman in this situation realizes that, if you talk to the man about this and he does nothing consistently to change (counseling) than you are better off leaving and resuming a normal life where you can be truly happy. If you meet someone who seems too good to be true, check him out. Does he have broken relationships & marriages? How is his relationship with his mother? If you feel uneasy about him or he starts to put you down little by little or blames you for his behaviors at home - get Susan's book, then run for your life!

This book gave me the clarity and strength to stay out of a horrifically abusive marriage. Had I not read this, and also "Christian Men Who Hate Women," I might have gone back to my misogynistic husband. It hit me like a bolt of lightning between the eyes--finally I saw that I was never the problem, and that "forgiving" him one more time and "trusting God" and crawling back would solve nothing! In my case, the abuse and misogyny were hidden behind a facade of religiosity which was nothing but a cover for my husband's lunacy. He made me feel guilty for not being a "submissive wife" and pulled the Bible on me a lot (like other men might pull a gun on their wives and with as much malice), but this book made me see that there was no difference between my husband and rank heathen who rip their wives apart with barrages of four-letter words. His heart and intent was the same, and the results were the same--the wholesale evisceration of myself as an individual soul, personality, and essence.

I can't thank Susan Forward enough for explaining to me, in a way that I could understand, how my husband could be so wonderful one hour and so vicious the next, and that even though he claimed that he would be wonderful all the time if I would just change and be what he wanted, that was a load of crock.

I now know that my husband had every one of the warning signs that he was about to cross over into physical violence--signs such as irrational jealousy of other men and "locking me down" to prevent me from going anywhere, and that I got out in the nick of time to save myself and my children. This book whetted my appetite for more books on domestic violence which shed even more life on my hellish marriage and my need for a divorce.

Highly recommended

If you are trying to "prove" how "good, loving, caring, genuine, interested, devoted, and loyal" you are to him, always to find yourslef being not good enough in the end, no matter how hard you try, or what you do, then this book is for you. This book will show you what you have put up with, and how to re-claim your SELF, by setting boundaries that are healthy, and deserved. If you are a guy who truly hates women, then this book will show you why, and how you can view the woman in front of you for who she genuinely is, rather than the blanket label you have attached to her based on previous negative experiences. It is eye opening in the pinpointing of behaviors, reactions, and patterns that cause us all to feel bad in the end. I highly recommend this book to any woman who loves a man she can never please,and any to man who does not "want to love" a woman.

Every woman I have ever met has had at least one of these men enter their lives and undermine their self-confidence. Although I read this book many years ago, it is a benchmark against I measure all other relationship books. Every 18 year old girl should read this book, maybe their mothers too. This type of man is all too common and they are modern day vampires slowly draining the life out of their prey. My father killed my mother by grinding her down slowly day by day.She died of colon cancer to get away from my dad believing she was useless and no good, it was an untimely end, to a once self-confident, vibrante and talented women, she was 50. I got involved with one of these types of men and out of desperation I went hunting in the bookstore to find SOMETHING. I couldn't be alone in this I thought. Thanks, Susan you saved my life. These men are so charming, at first, they have such charming personalities,a dream come true, till you wake up in their nightmare. Many girls in our society have emotionally unavailable fathers and will do anything to get their fathers attention.Good grades and cartwheels just to get dad's attention and love. Those young girls replay this wound by being attracted to emotionally unavailable men. At first these men are very attentive and flattering, but it soon turns ugly.The dynamic is in place, reward and punishment. I have even SEEN and HEARD young boys teaching other boys to use the same ugly techniques as outline in this book to undermine a womans self-confedence and control her,eventually to destroy her. GET THIS BOOK.

I forced myself to read this book after a woman I was in love with dumped me miserably. She cleverly placed it in a paper sack with some of my things she dropped off in a neutral location as a way of saying, "You're such a jerk. This is how I feel. Maybe you should read this." I'll have to admit I don't generally read books like this but I felt challenged. I thought I'd read the book and tell her how stupid the whole thing was. The first point Dr. Susan Forward makes is how misogynists are frightened of abandonment. I thought to myself, "Hey! That's me. I don't care how crazy the relationship gets. I just hate it when they leave. Could I be a misogynist?" I read this book over the next few days and made notes and underlined parts that seemed to make sense. I tried to look at it from a woman's perspective. I stepped outside my own world and tried to open my mind to the possibility that I had made these mistakes in past relationships. I made a conscious effort to think about the things I've said and how it may have been emotional violence. I started to become convinced I was a misogynist and all the women I treated like dirt in the past really did love me but just couldn't take it anymore. This book is filled with options for women and how to stop the cycle of abuse. There are chapters on what a misogynist's parents were like... what kind of therapist a woman should look for... how to react to the misogynist's attacks and why you should never apologize. The rest of the book is about why women should leave, when to leave, how to leave and what to expect after they leave. Near the end of the book the author says a real misogynist can never be cured and he will always be like this so I felt there was nothing I could do. I was left with the sense that I would just have a long string of volatile relationships with loving women who abandon me and there was no way this would change. I really feel she could have included some kind of hope for the men who hate women. I have no idea how to rate this book. If I give it one star then I'll be doomed as a misogynist forever. If I say it's worth five stars I would be lying to you and myself. Ironically this is exactly how I feel when I talk to women. I never know what to say and when I do open my mouth it's always taken out of context. So I guess I'll direct my final thoughts to the men. Read this book to find out how women think before you're abandoned and lost like a pathetic clown.

I am a man, and this is a book that every woman should read. I am desperate to sneak this book to my mother to help her understand her own problem in my father. If only she could read this then she could see some logic and be able to take some action to deal with and perhaps leave what is an emotionally abusive relationship.

I identified my own issues years ago and broke the cycle. My father never will and continues to control, badger, undermine the confidence of and kill my mother slowly with his abuse, and she will never leave becasue she is addicted to being abused. This book will change her life, it changed mine and can change others

You have to wonder when your in a relationship that is either euphoric or painful. Why does the person you love continually put you down, lie, treat you badly, or even takes to acts of physical aggression? Susan Forward does an excellent job of describing these types of relationships. Just because you are with a person who may act like this, doesn't mean that there is something wrong with you.
Those who treat partners in intimate relationships badly are often the most seductive, persuasive, and romantic persons you will ever find. It is a shame that they do not stay just like you found them. These are individuals who must act out against you to feel better about themselves.
She explains this type of person very well, she treats the victims role with compassion. I found that this book brought clarity to a relationship that I had with one of these type of people. When I met this person, I thought they were God's gift, and they walked on water; by the end of the relationship the lies, the verbal and emotional assaults out weighed any positive quality the relationship ever had.
If you, or someone you love is in a similar type of relationship, I would urge you to read this book. It is fantastic. Susan Forward explains these types relationships so well, but better yet, she empowers the reader to take steps in regaining their own self back.

This is a great book to see all of the signs of a man that underneath the charm, seeming perfection, and all attentive behavior turns in the opposite direction, into a painful, confusing and heart breaking relationship.

The author did a great job showing the different "hooks" that men use, because underneath it all, they both hate women, but also need love, so they will "hook" you, and then pull the plug. The types of methods portrayed in this book are real. They have usually been abused and/or neglected as boys, thus hating women when they grow up. They author calls these men "Misogynist's" and goes into great detail explaining their behavior, and how the women feel in the relationship as a result.

If you are in pain in a relationship with a man I strongly recommend this book. I also strongly recommend Barbara Rose's book "Stop Being the String Along" along with this one. I feel that both of these books, together, will honestly help you to see all of the patterns, teach you how to make a break from the heartache, and have the happiness you deserve in your life in a HEALTHY relationship. Super excellent books with super excellent, life changing guidance!

How do you treat someone you really love? What if your husband, the man who once adored you, increasingly belittles you, threatens you, and tries to control you? What happens when you have to hide your most joyous moments from your husband? What happens when you start to believe his attacks, blaming yourself unfairly, becoming more submissive and depriving yourself of the very goals that bring you pleasure? How do you break out of this vicious cycle?
Dr. Forward's book is a welcome eye-opener for any woman trapped in this situation. She shows how this destructive pattern in relationships develops, what its origins are from childhood experiences, and most importantly, how to regain your self-confidence and the courage to leave the relationship, physically and psychologically. She offers specific advice on how to deal with your own self-sabotage, how to set clear boundaries, how to get professional help and how to effectively end the relationship.

Don't be put off by the glib title. This book is a well rounded exploration of family interactions in homes where the father has a low opinion of women. It explains how a child is affected and her confidence and self esteem undermined. It discusses roles that the wife of such a man can get caught in and often passes on to her daughters. It even explores how a man gets this way with sympathy and understanding. Most importantly, it provides exercises and guidelines to help the reader change her current behavior and renegotiate her relationship with her partner. The book was a revelation for me. Parts of it were straight from my childhood. Seeing it in print, I was able to identify ways in which I had been affected, and with that information I was able to make changes, both in my life and, more importantly, in the way I relate to myself.