The Men They Will Become: The Nature And Nurture Of Male Character [Paperback]

Eli Newberger (Author), Eli Newberber (Author), Eli H. Newberger (Author)

Book Description

Publication Date: September 20, 2000

How do boys develop character? And what can parents, teachers, and society do, from birth to late adolescence, to help nurture admirable qualities in young men? Eli Newberger brings decades of experience and insight to these vital questions. In a series of riveting stories, he shows boys facing the harsh challenges that forge or break character: cheating, bullying, drugs, alcohol, and competition. The Men They Will Become delves to the deepest roots of male character and to the sources of attachment, honesty, self-control, sportsmanship, generosity, and courage. Rather than looking for flaws and vulnerabilities, Dr. Newberger celebrates all the wonderful qualities that make boys boys. The need for leaders of bold but non-violent character makes this wise book of urgent and timely importance.

Editorial Reviews

Amazon.com Review

In The Men They Will Become, well-known pediatrician Eli Newberger blends stories and suggestions aimed at empowering boys to make strong character-building choices. The author uses examples that range from simple playground incidents to complex moral decisions for teens to provide guidance for parents facing similar situations on the home front. Not meant to be a quick-reference guide, the author focuses on open communication lines and leading by example. Five separate "profiles" divided by developmental stages are presented through anecdotes told from perspectives of both parent and child. Dr. Newberger deftly interviews the boys to get their opinions on touchy subjects, in the process demonstrating valuable techniques for drawing them out without making them feel "interrogated." Each chapter is packed with information on topics like family teasing, teen depression, cheating, and rewarding honesty. If your family is experiencing similar issues, you'll find great behavioral suggestions. Though not a "how-to" guide or a detailed parenting program, a thorough reading will yield an excellent understanding of the gradual emotional development of boys and give parents greater wisdom to help boys grow in to men of character. --Jill Lightner --This text refers to an out of print or unavailable edition of this title.

From Publishers Weekly

Somewhat more scholarly in tone than Michael Gurian's The Good Son (see p. 80), Newberger's study of the development of character in boys also offers a significant perspective on the shaping of moral values. The product of a lively, informed mind, the book covers a wide range of topics related to character developmentAincluding such chapters as "Honesty," "Self-Control," "Identity and Friendship" and "Discipline and Punishment"Ashowing how they relate to every stage of a boy's childhood. Pediatrician Newberger is quick to draw on supporting information from the fields of child development, psychology and education, as well as from a wide range of real-life examples of boys and their families. Convinced that child rearing is an acquired skill, Newberger describes four levels of "parental awareness," from the self-centered "Me First" level to the more tolerant level of "Living and Growing Together"; he refers to them throughout the book to demonstrate how a parent might better handle particular challenges. If there's a quibble here, it's that Newberger is so eager to share his knowledge that he occasionally scatters his fire. In any case, parents or adults involved in helping boys become "more caring and connected men" will relish the wealth of information presented in this useful addition to the growing body of gender-specific parenting literature. Agents, Donald Cutler and Pamela Hartford of Bookmark; 9-city author tour.
Copyright 1999 Reed Business Information, Inc. --This text refers to an out of print or unavailable edition of this title.

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Product Details

• Paperback: 384 pages
• Publisher: Da Capo Press; 1 edition (September 20, 2000)
• Language: English
• ISBN-10: 0738203637
• ISBN-13: 978-0738203638
• Product Dimensions: 9.2 x 6 x 0.8 inches
• Shipping Weight: 1.2 pounds (View shipping rates and policies)
• Average Customer Review: 4.2 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (8 customer reviews)
• Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #193,668 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

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Customer Reviews

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

20 of 21 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars A excellent book for parents of boys... and girls!, March 29, 2000

By 

Jan Hunt - See all my reviews

This review is from: The Men They Will Become: The Nature and Nurture of Male Character (Hardcover)

As a child psychologist, I found Dr. Newberger's bookintelligent and compelling. The chapter on discipline and punishmentshould be required reading for all parents, whether they have boys or girls. It was especially refreshing to find a book that covers the dangers of all punishments, including time out, verbal punishment and loss of privileges, and not just spanking.

As an alternative to punishment, the author offers "inductive discipline", which he describes as being "centered in the basic relationship between parent and child. It doesn't begin with a problem. It begins with your love for your child, and his attachment to you and respect for you. Above all, you don't want to react to behavioral problems in a way that threatens that relationship. You want to protect the relationship steadfastly, even fiercely. You want your son to see that you are above all protective of him, and happy with him." In my work, I call this "being on the child's side", and consider it to be the cornerstone of a healthy parent-child relationship. Here is a book that recognizes this key concept, and expands on it in an eloquent and thoughtful way. END

18 of 19 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars An Affirming Book, Wonderfully Written, July 8, 2000

By 

Courtney L. Lewis "Sassy Librarian" (Kingston, PA USA) - See all my reviews
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This review is from: The Men They Will Become: The Nature and Nurture of Male Character (Hardcover)

I read this book thinking it would be a rather standard tome on the endangerment of the male adolescent in society. I was pleasantly surprised, then, to find Newberger's approach to the subject of the male character both thorough and non-sensationalist. Beginning with infancy, the author does a wonderful job charting the development of character in boys (although much of the information can be applied to girls as well - the language is far from exclusionary). Newberger also possesses a supportive attitude toward parents and charts the familial and societal pressures faced by them while illustrating how this affects parenting ability and skill. Rather than definite stages, the book is divided into topics like "curiosity", "teasing and bullying", and "play and sports". The result is like a well-done essay series but without the repetition or wandering that often accompanies that type of volume. The best thing about this book is Newberger, though; his loving and supportive attitude toward children and their parents envelops you while not being cloying or patronizing. He is a wonderful resource and advocate for boys, and girls, of all ages.

17 of 18 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars An extraordinarily helpful read, March 20, 2000

By 

N. Nordstog "nonieburger" (Dallas TX) - See all my reviews
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This review is from: The Men They Will Become: The Nature and Nurture of Male Character (Hardcover)

I heard Dr. Newberger interviewed on NPR and rushed right out to get this book. I was not disappointed. I could tell from the NPR interview that he cared deeply about the welfare of boys and his book bears this out. I have passed the book on to other mothers of boys and have suggested it to anyone who wants to better understand their son. Even more than helping to figure out our boys, this book offers concrete, workable ideas to help the boys themselves deal with daily struggles and frustrations. I cannot begin to tell you how powerful it was for my son to be able to look the school bully straight in the eyes, use well thought out words and stand his ground, shoulders back. The bully backed down and my son was empowered in a healthy way. These techniques and advice came straight from this book. My son and I went out for hamburgers one night and read some of the passages, which gave him these insights. It wasn't just his mom telling him the usual "just ignore him." I also much appreciated the section on discussing sexuality...to give my son a better perspective on transferring his sexual ideas to a "real live girl." This book has been invaluable to our household. My 5th grade son, a new kid in his school, has benefitted from Dr. Newberger's wisdom and insight. I am so glad to have logical, sensible guidance in the war against the "culture of cruelty."