Customer Reviews

Men & Women

5 star:		(3)
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3 star:		(2)
2 star:		(1)
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I originally discovered this book at the library. The title caught my attention so I checked it out, and I am so glad I did! This book is very unlike any other relationship book I have read thus far, (from the Christian perspective anyhow, some of Dr. Crabb's sentiments about gender differences are echoed by Dr. Laura, John Gray, and others). His approach to explaining differences is both humble and enticing. For women who struggle to overcome a very feminist background in which the term "submission" causes the hair on our neck to rise, his book is palpable and invites one to examine his or her motives.

Dr. Crabb's explanations are such that your mind and heart remain open to receiving something profound. This book is beneficial not just for individuals struggling in relationships, but singles as well, the premise being one that reminds us that our main enemy in life is selfishness and the only freedom from a life lived in a self-centered prison is one which focuses on other-centered living: how true, and how simple. As the Word says, "the truth will set you free," indeed, the truth as it is presented in this book, if humbly embraced, has the capacity to do just that.

This book is a must read for everybody, whether you plan to get married or stay single all your life. It uncovers the true source of all conflict in human relationships and provides the remedy as well! Shock!.

Have you been abused? Mistreated? This book is definitely for you. It is the answer that we all need to hear whether we want to or not. It's gentle and truthful. It will knock your socks off, and massage your feet!

This is another one of the best books I've ever read.

I can't put it down. I read it over and over and each time I find something else I didn't see before. At times you'll want to read ahead to see where the author is going. It is just that intriguing. I found myself getting frustrated the first time through it. I kept asking out loud, "Will you please get to the point?" But man... woman! was it ever worth it. I'm ready to get married again! *lol*

For the most part, Dr. Crabb has aimed his book at Christian couples. And several things I can wholeheartedly agree with:

1. A lot of marital unhappiness can come from being too self-centered and not other-centered enough.

2. A person's needs for security and significance are ultimately met in his or her personal relationship to God through Jesus Christ, and this is the most important part of life to nurture and build.

Beyond that, though, I have a problem with a basic idea in Dr. Crabb's thinking. He asserts that a man's main need is "significance" and a woman's main need is "security." And I think that he makes this into too much of a system. While he will say that men need security and women need significance, I think he arbitrarily names men's desires "significance" and a woman's desires "security" when they may not be. I've always been leery of stereotyping people.

Now I must admit that as a woman I like security -- especially financial! And I like the "security" of being loved by my husband. But I still want to make some accomplishments in life apart from who I'm married to. I'm a writer, musician and teacher, and those make up as much of my life as my domestic side, and recognition in these areas will probably be more important to my SIGNIFICANCE desire than my SECURITY desire -- unless, of course, I receive a large cash award and that will make me feel more SECURE! (Hmmm -- maybe that will bolster Dr. Crabb's theory a bit more.)

Take the good that you can out of this book -- and there's a lot of it. But I would say to both men and women: don't let anyone stereotype you because of your gender.

This is an amazing book, using the term "amazing" without necessarily meaning anything either positive or negative.
Crabb promotes a Biblical idea of the difference in gender roles. He supports his points by scriptural reference, by referring to his counseling, and to common sense.
If you don't like his goal, if you have the modern view of such things, this book will make your teeth hurt. Not only will his goals set your hair on fire, he is, above all, plausible. He is not slick-plausible. He is a good writer and organizer of his material.
For those who disagree, even vehemently disagree, with his views, it would be an educational experience to deal with his book using logic and reason. Ripping it to shreds and jumping up and down on the scraps while screaming obscenities--which passes for scholarship in some fields--is not what I'm talking about. Deal with this book, whatever your position, with reason, logic, and fact, and you will know more about, among other things, what you think and why you think it.

I was particularly struck by his extensive investigation into how a wife's regard for her husband can build him up or ruin him. The same is mentioned in passing by other writers in the fiels, but Crabb goes into some detail.

Crabb spends the bulk of his time exploring marital issues. It appears to me that, if men and women are to take gender-separate roles, the manifestations of such differences would be in the workplace, or in other groups. Crabb doesn't get into this. I expect that telling a woman to be a helpmate and to accept husband's decisions with a joyful and grateful heart is going to create some confusion when a woman is an equal colleague of a man at work, or a supervisor. Then what?

As I say, worth reading if it doesn't change your mind in the slightest, or if it does.

I was really ready for whatever this author had to say. I was looking for content for a talk I had to give on biblical masculinity and femininity. I found enough material buried in the book to be useful, amidst many qualifiers and apologies. However, I found it almost impossible to find a truly coherent, let alone concise or powerful quote. That was disappointing! If you are going to posit something, be brave and posit it boldly! If you aren't right, then there is no need to say it. And if you are right, say it boldly so we can understand why it is important. I happen to think he is on to something. Just wish he had said it better.

This is a great book, everyone should take time to read it. It will help with the divorce rate and give you the understanding that men and women think different.