Customer Reviews

Mending a Shattered Heart: A Guide for Partners of Sex Addicts

5 star:		(7)
4 star:		(3)
3 star:		(1)
2 star:		(1)
1 star:		(1)

 

 

When I started reading this book I was totally at a loss and my life was nothing but a great mess. I didn't know what to do, I didn't understand what I am facing, I was like the king in a chess game who has just been checked!! I was standing in one point not able to move one step forwards, backwards or to either of the sides. The whole situation was devastating for me when I discovered after nine years of marriage that my husband was a sex addict.

I am Egyptian and he is British. In Egypt, the culture and the religion are so very different from Europe or The United States. At the beginning I thought it was just a difference in culture and background that was causing the problems. But then things started to get worse by the day. We, in Egypt, specially girls, don't know much about issues like sex addiction or even about sex in general. I took him to three different therapists in three different situations to figure out the problem but none of them could. In a situation like that, where I don't have enough knowledge, and the therapist are not much of a help, this book was a life saver for me.

The book made the picture clear in my mind. Even if it doesn't solve the problem immediately - as this has to come from within each person according to different circumstances of each case - then at least it identifies the problem, tells you what you need to know about the fight you found yourself in, and leads you to mend your heart and soul that were badly hurt and injured. It was a very useful read in the absence of any help in my country including therapy groups. The subject of sex addiction seems to be new to the whole world, and the few therapist who know about it in Egypt were very hard to locate. Therapy groups are only available for other addictions like Alcohol and Narcotics, but not for sex addiction. The importance of this book for me stems from the lack of any other aid methods in my country, and I think I know now what I need to do to fix myself and save it from a destructive relationship.

I hope it helps other people too, and may God bless the Author who helped from all that distance by taking the time to write this important book. I appreciate the quick and professional service that I got from Amazon, without their help I could never have found that book or read it. I also recommend two more books that I bought from Amazon, for people who have my problem: "Don't call it love" and "out of the shadows" by Patrick Carnes. They are very useful and important to read when you have a sex addict at home.

Awesome book, it was good for me because it did cover how a man feels when his wife betrays him. Most books only speak of the man as the offender but when a Pastor's wife commits adultery how does the pastor feel?

A friend suggested I read this book when I told her about my husband's sex addiction. I bought it and threw it in a pile. I literally thought I was going crazy. I didn't know where to turn. I found this book in that pile on my floor and read it cover to cover. The book hooked me right away with the different true to life stories of people going through similar situations like mine. And even better, I liked how it kind of validated that I wasn't crazy, after all, I had just experienced a traumatic event. Because of this book, I've learned that even though none of my husband's betrayal is my fault, I need to carve my own path of recovery so my future relationships don't end like this. I now feel empowered like never before.

Great book. Valuable for spouses of addicts and for addicts themselves to read to understand what their spouses are going through. I now have enough copies to share with clients, for at least a month...maybe.

While this book has useful information and is written for the person(s) affected by the addicts behavior, it generalizes about co-addicts and co-dependency, which everyone involved with an addict is definitely not a co-addict or co-dependent. If you can apply what's in the book and look past the co-addict and co-dependent references, then it could be very useful.

What an amazing, helpful, honest and insightful book for a partner, spouse, or significant other of a sex addict.
YES there is HOPE for you! Helpful insight, ideas, theory, and from a personal point of view. It gave me such hope, and I have been using many of the tools and ideas in my life, in my heart and mind to heal myself! My husband and I have both benefitted from it.

This book has some good info for spouses/partners of sex addicts. It has essays by a number of people, that many may find useful.

I did have a couple of problems with it, however.

In the first place, it assumed that all spouses/partners are co-addicts, somehow taking some of the blame on themselves, being enablers, etc.

However, not everyone thinks they are somehow responsible for anyone else's behavior but their own. Not everyone thinks that "if only I'd done this, things would be different." And not everyone makes excuses and covers up for inappropriate behavior, even though the cost to themselves might be great. On the other hand, since so many people *do* fit in at least one of these categories, it could be useful to see yourself through different eyes.

The other problem I had, which I have with all of the Carnes School approach, is their great dependence on the 12 Steps.

This book mentions agnostics/atheists in only a sentence or two and says nothing useful or of substance. If you and/or your loved one addict are not people of faith in a "higher power" you may find yourself annoyed, or even repelled, by almost half of the 12 Steps.

For a partner dealing with sex addiction, this book did a good job of help to identify some of the feelings and concerns I have and provides some very good guidance. While some specific sections were not applicable to my circumstances, others were right on and very helpful. The chapter on disclosure was very helpful as we were at that specific stage when I started reading the book.

The only useful (and non-harming) chapter in this book is Chapter 4: "What About My Sexuality" by Omar Minwalla. Through the use of the inappropriate "co-addict" label by all of the other contributing authors, further harm is done to any partner who seeks potential comfort and guidance from this book. To label a partner a co-addict just because she/he unknowingly ended up in a relationship with a sex addict (all of which are accomplished compulsive liars!) and imply that they have any role in the sex addiction of their spouse or are in anyway "diseased" because of this relationship, is treatment induced trauma and it must STOP! Not one of the listed references provided in this book sites research findings that validates the use of this label in any situation. And that is because there is NO research based evidence that justifies the use of this very damaging label. Mental Health professionals have an inherent responsibility to do no harm. Therefore, the use of the co-addiction model in the treatment of partners suffering from a devastating relational trauma, which was induced by the sexual addiction of their spouse, has to stop. In its place, the evidenced based trauma model must be employed by all mental health professionals when treating the traumatized partner in order for there to be therapeutic healing, not harming, from sex addiction induced trauma. I encourage all partners and anyone who treats them to read "Your Sexually Addicted Spouse: How Partners Can Cope and Heal" by Barbara Steffens and Marsha Means. The paradigm shift that their book describes should immediately become the gold standard in partner treatment!

A wonderful compilation of expertise and hope for individuals affected by loving a sex addict. When I give this to a client, I know s/he will find a wellspring of comfort.