Mending broken bough [Paperback]

B. Zax (Author)

Book Description

Publication Date: July 1, 1998

Few bonds can provoke such powerful feelings of love--or such powerful rage and resentment--as the one between a mother and daughter. This intelligent guide follows in the footsteps of such bestsellers as My Mother, My Self and Reviving Ophelia in its subject matter--but also offers direct, practical advice to women who want to mend and stengthen their relationships with their own mothers and daughters. Written by two licensed family therapists, it offers case histories and "mending moves" that help mothers and daughters understand unspoken messages, identify common mothering styles, express opinions without hurting each other's feelings--and get beyond blame to create a new, lasting legacy of love.

Editorial Reviews

From Publishers Weekly

Drawing from their clinical work as a psychologist and marriage/family therapist, respectively, Poulter and Zax examine the "powerful" relationship between mothers and daughters. In the context of many specific case stories, they identify "family roles and rules" that guide and limit both generations of women, with positive and negative consequences. The authors describe six "mothering styles" (me first, supermom, always look good, distracted, empathic and responsive) and five "levels of family functioning" (optimal, adequate, mid-range, borderline and chaotic or severely disturbed). Zax and Poulter illuminate the influence of mothers passed down through many generations of daughters, and offer "Mending Moves" for healing some conflicts that, they say, commonly arise. Offering the theory that all families operate on a continuum of emotional involvement from "enmeshed" to "disengaged," they present the "process of separation" (in which a daughter moves on to live her own adult life) as always being problematic and potentially explosive for both mother and daughter. While many women may recognize themselves to some extent in these pages, and while many may value the book's practical advice, the authors too often seem stuck in dated (Freudian) assumptions and stereotypes. Other books, including Cokie Roberts's We Are Our Mothers' Daughters (Forecasts, March 30) and Mary Pipher's Reviving Ophelia (1994), have examined the realities of today's mothers and daughters with more panache or depth.
Copyright 1998 Reed Business Information, Inc.

Product Details

• Paperback: 291 pages
• Publisher: Berkley Trade (July 1, 1998)
• Language: English
• ISBN-10: 0425163180
• ISBN-13: 978-0425163184
• Product Dimensions: 8.2 x 5.2 x 0.9 inches
• Shipping Weight: 3.2 ounces
• Average Customer Review: 4.0 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (2 customer reviews)
• Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #2,529,220 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

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Customer Reviews

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

8 of 8 people found the following review helpful:

4.0 out of 5 stars Good if you're serious, July 8, 2002

By 

mirau "critical eye, good intentions" (Sweltering Southwest US) - See all my reviews

This review is from: Mending broken bough (Paperback)

This book would work best for those willing to work to reconcile and who have a mother/daughter who is also willing. There are many excellent, thought-provoking Mending Moves which could benefit a discussion between mother and daughter. However, you'll need a mother/daughter capable of doing this kind of work with you in order to realize the true value of these Moves. Since that isn't the case for me, I found more value in the book's sparking of deep introspection on the nature of my family relationships.

Like many books of this type, the authors "classify" mothering styles and families, which makes it difficult to identify your particular circumstances. More examples and more "categories" would probably help; their framework here comes across as somewhat oversimplified.

The sections on Rules Learned and Sticking Points were especially thought-provoking; however, since the authors claim to be able to make a difference in even the most hopeless relationships, I would have liked more in the Sticking Points chapter, and more on what to do in the case of irreconcilable differences.

There are many books on improving the mother-daughter relationship; this one would be best if you need a "starting point" or specific techniques and exercises within the context of a MUTUAL desire to make things better.

3 of 3 people found the following review helpful:

4.0 out of 5 stars Mending the Broken Bough, July 3, 2001

By A Customer

This review is from: Mending broken bough (Paperback)

I have read and enjoyed this book. Much of the book is helpful for multiple generations of women. Mother/Daughter issues include Grandparents and GreatGrandparents. Patterns do develop, the need is to see them which this book can help you with.