Customer Reviews

Men's Relational Toolbox

5 star:		(6)
4 star:		(2)
3 star:		(0)
2 star:		(1)
1 star:		(1)

 

 

As a relationship and romance author, speaker, and coach I read a lot of books about dating, marriage, and romance. "Men's Relational Toolbox" is a MUST HAVE for guys!

The metaphor of tools in a toolbox gives guys immediate access to the message with terms and concepts that are easily understood. I really appreciate the fact that they thought long and hard about how to convey a positive perspective on men participating in a relationship.

You will find out:

Why men are the way they are...

What tools do we already have that we can bring to bear...

Conversational style differences between men and women...

The right tool to use and when...

Adding new tools...

The book then summarizes the one-two punch that has the greatest impact on relationships - good communication and positive action.

The best part of the book though is the final chapter on forgiveness. Every relationship brings hurts as we give more of ourselves and become more and more vulnerable. The levels of love given and pain inflicted are can be exhilarating and debilitating. I recently read a comment that said "Hatred is like taking poison and waiting for the other person to die." Whether simple dislike, anger and frustration, or out and out hatred; Forgiveness is the antidote that heals the hurt and turns us back toward love. The five step process the book gives is an excellent tool that you should keep on the top of your toolbox.

Get yourself a copy of this book now. You, and your partner, will be glad you did.

This book is a quick read, but it very comfortably covers a lot of important topics. Contrary to one of the reviews on the site, it tries very hard not to belittle men. Of course the authors are men. It starts with the premise that men are designed by God to do certain things well, lead, protect, and problemsolve, and that men get into relational trouble when they bring the "tools" of these trades and try to apply them in a relationship. Together with "Wild at Heart" by John Elderidge, it is a good kick in the pants to become the man God intends you to be.

Men's Relational Toolbox is a great resource for any man who is serious about his relationships. The Smalley guys have done a great job in presenting doable solutions for those who are relationship challenged. Men are NOT from Mars and women are NOT from Venus, we live right here on planet Earth and are wired different on purpose. Read this book to see why we are different, to understand that these differences mean that we ca relate to each other in such a way that can strengthen their God-ordained estate as husband and wife.

I just wanted to say this work was and is an exciting venture for the three Smalley men. Our goal for this book was to encourage men about their natural relational skills and to also teach some new, not so natural skills. Hopefully you will laugh out loud when reading this book. We're guys, we know books can be boring, and we promise you won't snooze through this one.

I met a guy in an airport recently who said, "I was laughing so hard the other passengers (on the plane) were irritated!"

Hope you enjoy the book, we sure enjoyed writing it!

Michael Smalley

This book is a great tool for the man that would like to better his relations with his family and friends. It has a lot of thoughts and ideas for improving your relationship, especially with your spouse. It's a great book for a group of men to study together to become a better person. I think that every man should read this book and it would not hurt for every woman to read it too. I believe that it would help make better relations between both sex.

I bought this book many years ago on a whim. I have re-read it twice, purchased it for a friend who is having marriage issues and referred it to my mens group. It gives men explanations on how they think and feel and descriptions that they can use to explain to others. It is written in 'man speak' which makes it a fast read.

This book was crap. Heavy use of antiquated stereotypes that don't fit the modern woman - or man, for that matter. The population the authors use in their research is from their own clients, which means the results of their surveys are heavily skewed - a fact that is either overlooked or not understood by the authors. If I didn't have to read the book as part of my research for a book I'm ghostwriting, I would not have made the purchase at all - or at least would have returned the book after reading the first chapter.

I liked this book. It is written in a manner to be approachable to many men. They use the toolbox as a metaphor on aspects of relationships. The toolbox makes this subject more approachable than other texts I've read. The gist is that men are are innately expert in 6 aspects of relationships, (fact giving, fact finding, take charge, task oriented, problem solving, competitive drive), while women are innately expert in a different 6, (open sharing, patient listening, win-win, selfless honor, time and energy).

The authors make no bones that each individual is imbued with differing levels of the 12, but they offer extremes or gender generalizations to illustrate the topics. Each reader will have to determine how expert they are with each tool. This ground has been ploughed before with John Gray's book, "Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus", among others. The topics is approached from a different point of view, with this one being Christian/bible based.

One main point of the book is that to be a complete person, as illustrated by Christ's examples is to be expert in all the tools. All the tools are need to form complete, sustained, and fulfilled relationships. The 6 "female" tools being that areas for development for men.

I could be overly sensitive, but I'm bothered by the hidden assumption that men need fixing. I struggle with a society that seems to assume that men are in need of fixing, hence the number of books that strive to help men. There seems to be fewer books to help women develop their lesser areas. I suppose if you accept the biblical proposition that men are the leaders of the family and the body of Christ, the onus is on us to to seize the opportunity. It would be nice if some one said that the other gender needs some help too.

This book is in my to read pile... I can not actually rate it's content as I have not read it yet.

I just wanted to point out that not all men are the way described in toolbox. Many of us don't watch television and film just to gather the facts. I read books all of the time, dear Smalleys, and there is no shortage of imagination or empathy in my blood. A book called WHY WOMEN LISTEN AND MEN DONT (or something) is written by a couple that tries to convince readers that when men listen they are expressionless and women are lighted by facial gestures in contrast. Michael Moore, in his book STUPID WHITE MEN (very cool read), comments that men are ugly and disgusting(especially their genitals) and bent only on destroying everything. He goes on to say that women are the earth's way of making up through stunning beauty and childbirth. Someone should have told Mike that women cant have children without men, alot of females walking the earth are not the models that sell products with sexuality(men have very stunning physics when they're healthy aswell), and men are not all the same! This is my main problem with toolbox and worse male writers who slander men and their supposed shared psyche of misogynistic possessiveness. If men are miscommunicative then how on earth did they build a relationship in the first place. Some women have been known to share this same "male" trait of troubled bonding with a male. My point is that such a broad generalization does not account for the countless men and women who share a different relationship than the cliched ones in toolbox and the like. It just seems that the Smalleys were trying to cash in on something that can rarely be changed in an established coupling without a depthy visit to the ole marriage counsellor.