34 of 42 people found the following review helpful:
2.0 out of 5 stars
Courageous in the Christian cultural contex, but falls short, May 10, 2001
By A Customer
This review is from: Men's Secret Wars (Paperback)
I commend Patrick Means for what he is attempting to do. And, in fact, he does make a good presentation of the various challenges men face in society today, and, for the most part, have faced throughout history. It's a good summary and that alone, for many, will be worth the time and effort to read it, i.e., it's a good first step towards awareness if that's where you are.
Where Means really hits his stride is in the chapter "Living the Secret Life," in which he outlines the pain, misery and isolation of sin, and the elaborate ways we cover for ourselves, physically, socially and psychologically, and how cover-up leads to even more damage. Unfortunately, it is a comparatively short chapter and is not backed up with much detail. I wish this chapter went on for much longer (perhaps even an entire book), because I've been there, and I get great comfort from hearing others' experiences and learning how they made it out of the pit. (For those interested see: St. Augustine's Confessions and Merton's The Seven Story Mountain)
The real reason for the low rating, however, is that right when I think Means is going to step up to the plate and be brave (in the context of Christian culture) in his recommendations for recovery, he completely wimps out. What do I mean by this? He backs off from saying MANY MEN, SPECIFICALLY INCLUDING CHRISTIAN MEN, WOULD BENEFIT GREATLY FROM PSYCHOTHERAPY, and trudges right back to emphasizing the modification of external behaviors and praying better and harder! (Ok, I'm oversimplifying, but that's essentially what he says.) He avoids directly addressing therapy, which may seem a little thing, but it is not. And my guess is, the author knows it!
What was so disappointing was that throughout the book the author makes statements such as, "Compartmentalization is one of the most sophisticated mechanisms our mind uses to accomplish self-deception," "because it doesn't deal with the whole person, one-dimensional recovery only drives the pain underground," and, the most hopeful, "Christians have done a fair job of applying God's truth to our external behavior...but we have done a much poorer job in applying the truth to the vast interior of our hearts and minds: our thought life and self-talk, our motivations, our damaged emotions."
Then, in one casual and almost serendipitous reference, he says, "God has used the headlamp of many Christian therapists and authors to help me see the pattern of pain..." And that's it, that's basically all he says about therapy. He never even recommends seeing one if you need to. Why does Means pull back? The only answer I can come up with is that outward pressure of some sort has compelled him not to put that in there, when, in fact, therapy--even by an atheist--can unlock things inside of you that open your heart to God and to Jesus. It happened to me! And it just irks me to no end to see a book like this where all logic says that therapy should be part of the solution, but the author does not have the courage to say it. I would love to hear the author's explanation for why he did that....
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8 of 8 people found the following review helpful:
5.0 out of 5 stars
Read it! Then, read it again and watch your life improve., January 5, 1999
Patrick Means treds where the average Christian man has been trained not to go. Through frank testimony of personal moral failure, repentance, and redemption he allows the rest of us to see where the spiritual land mines are BEFORE we must cross the field.
Christian men have become accustomed to hearing impotent "just pray about it" advice for their struggles. We've learned to act as though everything is OK when inside we've been dying.
Means exposes the facade of modern Christian man for what it is -- a seemingly solid covering for a cancer of unresolved pain beneath. By honestly sharing his trials and temptations he catalogs his own journey to wholeness, while at the same time offering practical, solid advice for how we can do the same.
Come into your own as the man God created you to be -- don't settle for second best when an incredible blessing awaits. Men who are vulnerable, sharing their hurts with other men, are the true heroes of this world and the next.
Read the book! There's a new you inside.
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1 of 1 people found the following review helpful:
5.0 out of 5 stars
Great Book!, December 1, 2007
This review is from: Men's Secret Wars (Paperback)
This book is a real eye opener. I recommend it highly. As good as it is, any book, in my opinion, can really only be a good door. This book as well as other factors, has led to family counseling which is literally, by the grace of God, saving our marriage and family.
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