Customer Reviews

Men's Work

5 star:		(6)
4 star:		(1)
3 star:		(1)
2 star:		(1)
1 star:		(1)

 

 

Any man willing to take a true inward look will benefit from reading this book. As Kivel points out, this is really our work to do as men - to take a look at what makes us prove our worth by posturing ourselves and emphasizing our power over others. This isn't easy because the priveledge that comes with power is so latent in what we do, we have to really listen to ourselves as well as the women in our lives and these simply aren't things that men are typically socialized to do. If more men would stop being defensive when women or allies of women call men on their sexism or appeal to their humanity and would begin to address how we perpetuate male dominance, we would not only live in a much less violent and tolerant society, but I think we would find that men would be much happier as a result of having better relationships in their lives.

This book is well worth reading, especially for men who want to understand and do something about gender based violence. It is accessible and addresses the issues in a down to earth way providing insights significant for both men and women. Suitable for high school age through adult.

I have serious issues with this book. There is certainly insightfulness but Kivel makes dangerous assumptions about violent men. He states that male violence occurs because men sacrifice their own needs for others, and then feel resentful and unappreciated. That's a very nice, tidy explanation but it has many, many floors.

First of all, I sincerely doubt that men who batter and abuse their wives are also the kind of men to put anyone elses needs ahead of their own. A person who cares that much about people would not turn around and bash the very people they supposedly care about when they don't get their own way. Abusive men are experts at having their needs met, and implying that they should be even MORE self-indulgent is dangerous. It well accepted by professionals that a major problem with these men is that they are so incredibly selfish, and lack empathy for their victims. These two facts are not compatible with Kivels theory.

This theory also ignores the fact that it is the partners of the abusers who are always putting their own needs aside. If this theory had any truth, all the mothers of the world would stage a coup! His theory about male violence ignores everything that is accepted as truth about abusive men. What we must remember while reading this book is that Kivel is, by his own admission a (supposedly formerly) abusive man and everything he says is from that perspective. I wouldn't recommend this book for violent men at all, it gives them a lot of ammunition . . . and excuses.

The best example I can possibly think of is from the experience of a close friend of mine. She went out with her partner and he allowed her to listen to her favourite CD on the way, even though he didn't like it. Later, he wanted to discuss a difficult issue and she asked if they could talk about it later so they didn't ruin their evening. Once they came home, he verbally and then physically abused her. IN HIS MIND he had been a very generous, giving husband, and put her needs ahead of his. For a normal person, these were very minor things and did not give him license to abuse her. THIS is a perfect example of an abusive mans idea of 'putting others needs ahead of his'. He trumped up extreemly small events and use them as an excuse to beat his wife.

Basically, you need to have a critical eye while you read this book, and be very selective about what you take on board. I wouldn't recommend this book for abusive or violent men at all, it would do more harm than good.

This is a great bookto understand men and where ethey come from but not to excuse their behavior.

Great book for anyone counseling men. It is also a get resource for women to understand men and why they may act the way that they do.

This book allows the reader to look at life through a man perspective. It helps the reader understand why a man may choose to do the things he does and why. It is great tools for all readers male/female to see were we may need to change the way we raise our children. I believe that everyone will be able to relate to this book, and compare it to there own lives. Totally worth the money!

Men's Work: How to Stop the Violence That Tears Our Lives Apart

I bought this book for my husband who read it before but lost the book. He is reminded how to use the skills taught in this book by picking it up often. He is a brainiac so if he brags about this book, it really must be a good one. Oh, and the proof is in the pudding; he's a pretty happy guy :)

I received the book quickly and it was in the condition the seller described it as. Thank you.

Kivel's book provides useful examples of what to do in practice to reduce the drivers for domestic violence. The fictionalised role-plays also provide practical descriptions of how violent interactions can develop - although unfortunately the triggers in many of the role-plays are so unrealistic as to lose most of their credibility.

The catch is that, like most books of this type, Kivel makes the entirely unfounded assumption that all violence in the home is caused by males - which renders it almost worse-than-useless for dealing with the full complexity of domestic violence. (I've worked mainly in resolving lesbian violence - in reality, by far the most violent class of relationship rather than the least.) Ironically, Kivel illustrates this himself, in that the only example of real (as opposed to fictionalised) violence described in the whole book is between two girls in a classroom, who come to blows when one insults the other in front of the class.

Read it - it's useful - but strip out all of his sexism and male-blame before trying to put it into practice in any real-world context.

Kivel's theories are total nonsense. He draws parallels between all manners of normal masculine behavior and the topic of violence. "Have you ever stared at a woman's breasts while talking to her?" He asks. "Have you ever worked out to make yourself look tougher?" He asks. Is this supposed to make us feel guilty about being men? How do these things make us "violent." This book advocates the feminist-inspired psychological castration of men. I have a few questions. Women: Have you ever looked at a man's pec's? Have you ever tried to look prettier in order to impress a richer man?

This book is a pro-feminist piece of garbage. I was forced to read this book in college and it is as inflamatory as it is inaccurate.