Men's Work: How to Stop the Violence That Tears Our Lives Apart [Paperback]

Paul Kivel (Author)

Book Description

Publication Date: October 7, 1998

Sexual harassment, child abuse, incest, rape, murder, war--it's impossible today to hear a news report and not be informed of violent acts perpetrated by men. Acknowledging that there are no easy answers to the problem of male violence--particularly in a world that seems to thrive on aggression and physical force--Men's Work reaches straight to its root causes. In his ground-breaking work, author Paul Kivel helps men confront the political, social, and personal forces that generate and reward misogyny, hatred, anger, and violent behavior.

Combining years of personal study and reflection with his work with men in the Oakland Men's Project, Men's Work presents an innovative and workable approach to stopping male violence. Kivel shows men how to reclaim the power and responsibility needed to unlearn the lessons of control and aggression.

Paul Kivel is a nationally known expert on men's issues. Through his work at the Oakland Men's Project, he helps men confront and change violent behaviors and teaches alternatives to violence in their relationships. He also trains teachers, therapists, probation officers, and agency staff who work with men, exploring such topics as male/female relationships, alternatives to violence, family violence, and sexual assault. Kivel resides in Oakland, California.

Editorial Reviews

From the Inside Flap

In a world that thrives on aggression and physical force, male violence has become an all-too-frequent response to the frustrations and anxieties that fill men's lives. As a result, the lives of women and children have suffered dramatically, as society has come to tolerate their victimization.

Using the unique program at the Oakland Men's Project in California as a basis, Paul Kivel, one of its founding members, shares an extraordinary approach to stopping male violence. The key is understanding and evading the cultural forces that box men in and often reward them for violent behavior. Through exercises, thought-provoking questions, and intense self-examination, Men's Work helps men learn new rules and new roles in personal relationships and in the world at large.

Men's Work gives back to men the power and responsibility they need to unlearn the lessons of control and aggression. Going beyond the mythology of the current men's movement, this revolutionary work identifies and develops the social and political framework on which to place men's individual efforts to recover their humanity. --This text refers to an out of print or unavailable edition of this title.

About the Author

Paul Kivel is a trainer, activist, writer and a cofounder of the Oakland Men's Project. He has personally developed and conducted hundreds of workshops, training thousands of teens and adults on such topics as male/female relationships, alternatives to violence, racism, family violence and sexual assault, parenting, and diversity issues. He has worked with public schools, private schools, and universities, government agencies, youth recreation and leadership programs, juvenile corrections, jails and prisons, and with community based organizations. His essays have been published in books and magazines, and he has appeared on local and national television. Paul Kivel is the author of several books including Men's Work: How to Stop the Violence that Tears Our Lives Apart, and Uprooting Racism: How White People Can Work for Racial Justice, which received the Gustavus Myers award for Human Rights in 1996. He is also co-author of several widely used curricula including Making the Peace, Young Men's Works, Helping Teens Stop Violence, and Young Women's Lives. His most recent book is Boys Will Be Men: Raising Our Sons for Courage, Caring, and Community. Paul Kivel lives in Oakland, CA, with his partner and their daughter and two sons.

Product Details

• Paperback: 328 pages
• Publisher: Hazelden; 2nd edition (October 7, 1998)
• Language: English
• ISBN-10: 1568382332
• ISBN-13: 978-1568382333
• Product Dimensions: 8.5 x 5.4 x 0.8 inches
• Shipping Weight: 14.4 ounces (View shipping rates and policies)
• Average Customer Review: 4.0 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (10 customer reviews)
• Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #267,379 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

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Customer Reviews

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

12 of 12 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars Insightful, February 17, 2005

By 

Mark Twain "Sam" (Seattle, WA USA) - See all my reviews

This review is from: Men's Work: How to Stop the Violence That Tears Our Lives Apart (Paperback)

Any man willing to take a true inward look will benefit from reading this book. As Kivel points out, this is really our work to do as men - to take a look at what makes us prove our worth by posturing ourselves and emphasizing our power over others. This isn't easy because the priveledge that comes with power is so latent in what we do, we have to really listen to ourselves as well as the women in our lives and these simply aren't things that men are typically socialized to do. If more men would stop being defensive when women or allies of women call men on their sexism or appeal to their humanity and would begin to address how we perpetuate male dominance, we would not only live in a much less violent and tolerant society, but I think we would find that men would be much happier as a result of having better relationships in their lives.

19 of 22 people found the following review helpful:

4.0 out of 5 stars Men's Work - a worthwhile read, December 28, 1999

By 

Robin Garrett (West Chester PA) - See all my reviews

This review is from: Men's Work (Mass Market Paperback)

This book is well worth reading, especially for men who want to understand and do something about gender based violence. It is accessible and addresses the issues in a down to earth way providing insights significant for both men and women. Suitable for high school age through adult.

9 of 12 people found the following review helpful:

2.0 out of 5 stars dangerous implications, September 4, 2008

By 

L. Pierre "Linnea <333" (Australia) - See all my reviews
(REAL NAME)   

This review is from: Men's Work: How to Stop the Violence That Tears Our Lives Apart (Paperback)

I have serious issues with this book. There is certainly insightfulness but Kivel makes dangerous assumptions about violent men. He states that male violence occurs because men sacrifice their own needs for others, and then feel resentful and unappreciated. That's a very nice, tidy explanation but it has many, many floors.

First of all, I sincerely doubt that men who batter and abuse their wives are also the kind of men to put anyone elses needs ahead of their own. A person who cares that much about people would not turn around and bash the very people they supposedly care about when they don't get their own way. Abusive men are experts at having their needs met, and implying that they should be even MORE self-indulgent is dangerous. It well accepted by professionals that a major problem with these men is that they are so incredibly selfish, and lack empathy for their victims. These two facts are not compatible with Kivels theory.

This theory also ignores the fact that it is the partners of the abusers who are always putting their own needs aside. If this theory had any truth, all the mothers of the world would stage a coup! His theory about male violence ignores everything that is accepted as truth about abusive men. What we must remember while reading this book is that Kivel is, by his own admission a (supposedly formerly) abusive man and everything he says is from that perspective. I wouldn't recommend this book for violent men at all, it gives them a lot of ammunition . . . and excuses.

The best example I can possibly think of is from the experience of a close friend of mine. She went out with her partner and he allowed her to listen to her favourite CD on the way, even though he didn't like it. Later, he wanted to discuss a difficult issue and she asked if they could talk about it later so they didn't ruin their evening. Once they came home, he verbally and then physically abused her. IN HIS MIND he had been a very generous, giving husband, and put her needs ahead of his. For a normal person, these were very minor things and did not give him license to abuse her. THIS is a perfect example of an abusive mans idea of 'putting others needs ahead of his'. He trumped up extreemly small events and use them as an excuse to beat his wife.

Basically, you need to have a critical eye while you read this book, and be very selective about what you take on board. I wouldn't recommend this book for abusive or violent men at all, it would do more harm than good.