Customer Reviews

The Mentor: A Memoir of Friendship and Gay Identity

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The process of acknowledging and accepting one's gay identity has never been easy-at any time, in any place-but it is frequently more difficult in the South, with its entrenched conservative familial, religious, and social strictures. THE MENTOR traces the path of one man, part-time surfer, part-time construction worker, full-time Southerner, as he recognizes, embraces, and ultimately balances the imperatives of his burgeoning gay identity with the values and demands of his Baptist upbringing on the Outer Banks of North Carolina. It's a difficult journey, marked by false starts, dead ends, and disappointments, but ultimately illuminated by the joy of self-discovery and self-acceptance.The word mentor originates in the story of Odysseus, whose son, Telemachus, was counseled by an old family friend, Mentor, during his father's absence. Throughout his personal emotional/sexual odyssey, author Jay Quinn finds wisdom and comfort in his relationship with an older gay man, Joe Riddick. He also takes solace from an extended gay family, a common occurrence in gay life, when gay friends replace the blood kin who have rejected gay offspring or siblings.These concepts-an established gay man helping a younger one adjust to a sometimes troublesome sexual identity, a family of choice replacing a family of birth-are not unusual in the gay world. What makes Quinn's narrative remarkable is his willingness to reveal himself completely-to strip away the comfortable patina of political correctness to reveal his raw emotions, ravenous needs, and sometimes disquieting choices-while detailing his pursuit of the things most "straight" people take for granted: love, acceptance, affirmation. For me, the pivotal scene in the book takes place in the chapter "Hunters and Gatherers," when Quinn, now somewhat older and wiser, rejects the advances of a man in the parking lot of an all-night grocery store. He is obviously attracted to the man who sees him purely as sexual quarry-that much is clear by his description-but he has been down that road many times before and sees and understands it for what it frequently is: an erotic bonanza but an emotional dead end. And in that moment, he (and the reader) understands, viscerally and well as cerebrally, what it means to be a man, not a gay man, but a MAN, a human, a person of depth, character, complexity, and responsibility. That is Jay Quinn's personal homecoming, and it is one that many gay men will identify with and many more will yearn for. Quinn's writing is smart and sexy, earthy and erudite. He offers a window into his soul-and, if we are wise enough to see it, a mirror into our own.

The important point to be made about this book is that it is the first published work of Jay Quinn. I recommend that readers start with Quinn's mature, METES AND BONDS --the Lambda award winning novel-- and REBEL YELL anthology series,and then return to this first published work. Being the big fan, as I am, of Jay Quinn's books, I'm not overcritical when I say that this book is not quite "ripe"!! I just feel that most people will appreciate it more after they read the more finished books first. That way, you will better appreciate the dominating themes of his body of work. Why are Jay Quinn's books so important? Because Jay Quinn is not afraid to break taboos. That is #1. In the Lambda Book Report he talks openly about the roles of alcohol and in METES AND BOUNDS he writes about drugs affecting the lives of gay men. From Man-Boy love, to incest relations, he writes the truth. Jay Quinn is the most important new Southern writer today.

How great it would be if all young gay men just coming out could have an older person, a Mentor, help guide them through life's trials and experiences. It certainly would have helped me. Jay Quinn's personal narrative is such a honest, no holes-barred read, and so interesting. It must have been hard to put all this down for everyone to see. Through all his troubles with relationships, drugs, and depression, he manages to pull through. All with the help of his dedicated mentor, Joe Riddick.

By reading this book other gay men will relive their own similar experiences, and know that they are not alone. We are all here to experience what life has to offer us, and it would be great if the different generations could help guide each other. We should all be "Mentors." I highly recommend this book.

As a 23-year-old innocent from North Carolina, Jay met an engaging older man also from the South. They began a relationship that never included sex, but involved the most intimate and important times of their lives. Jay portrays his growth through drugs, relationships, family and careers along with Joe's. It is a journey that continues.

There is a saying "You can't judge a book by its cover." This is true with Jay Quinn's THE MENTOR. I assumed the book was going to be nothing more than an easy summer read when I selected the book, judging from the young man on the cover. When I was on vacation (at the Outer Banks, no less, the setting of the book), I quickly learned this is not beach reading. The book deals with the friendship between the author and his mentor, how that relationship evolved through many difficult twists and turns, and the difference such a meaningful relationship can have in a person's life.

The author is a gay "good ole boy" which makes for an interesting twist. He's also a surfer dude which adds a bit of flair. He is a Catholic convert, but definitely Catholic on his won terms. He faces challenges, bouts of depression, difficulties with substance abuse, and a whole host of other problems, yet now his life has shape. Due in no small part to his mentor, the author has grown from the many experiences that could have destroyed other people.

When a person reads this book, memoirs that are more cathartic than anything else can come to mind, and this book does have a cathartic element to it, but if anything it helps a person relate to the author.

The Mentor...should be required reading for every middle and high school teacher and counselor in the land.

It provides insights into more aspects of gay life than any other work I have read. How Jay Quinn was able to get so much into one book is beyond me. One thing I do know is that reading this book could help you to save the lives of our gay youth, and could make living those lives more productive.

READ IT! PASS IT ON!

Jay Quinn's "The Mentor" is one of those personal accounts of coming to terms with and understanding oneself that can have a profound impact on any reader. It is many things: humorous, sad, thoughtful, insightful, intellectual but most of all, necessary. Necessary for anyone interested in learning more about himself or herself, and the discovery process by which this writer takes. When I finished reading it, I thought to myself, "I wish I had had a mentor like Joe growing up."

Bravo!

This is yet again a major disappointment and a poorly written book by Jay Quinn.

This book is supposed to be a memoir and one about a gay man having a mentorship or learning from
another gay man. All Quinn learned from this supposedly friendly and older gay man was how to go
out to bars and dance clubs, or in public and hook up with closet cases.

There is a MAJOR undercurrent of bigotry in this book in the form of biphobia, bisexual erasure, and heterophobia. Quinn thinks that he's actually intimate somehow with "straight" men and calls them breeders and it's just the way too common obsession with the fantasy of being intimate heterosexual men that some gay men have and never get over.

The idea of a chosen family for gay men is one that's now very dated and pointless. Quinn's 'family' does not consist of anyone who I cared about and that includes Joe.

There are memoirs about bisexual and gay men that are well written, they are not this book. Don't waste your time reading this amateur "memoir" that does not even have a purpose, that's not coherent or well written, and that does not even have a point or any sort of closure.

I found this book to be dull, pretentious, and without any merit. Growing up in the south must have been difficult, but I fail to see what this memoir has to do with anything other than the author showing off his checkered past and large vocabulary.

Yawn

Author Jay Quinn has truly captured what it's like to grow up gay in the South and to have that special friend and mentor in your life. There were so many similarities between his experiences and my own life; wonderful things that brought back incredible memories. I highly recommend this book!