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Mercury Falls Paperback – July 13, 2009

4.2 out of 5 stars 454 customer reviews
Book 1 of 4 in the Mercury Series

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Bitter Bite by Jennifer Estep
"The Elemental Assassins Series"
Book fourteen in the New York Times bestselling urban fantasy series RT Book Reviews calls unbeatable entertainment!. Learn more | See series page

Editorial Reviews

Amazon.com Review

Amazon Exclusive: A Q&A with Robert Kroese

Question: What book has had the most significant impact on your life?

Robert Kroese: Saying "The Bible" is cheating, right?

I guess I’ll go with Douglas Adams’s Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy. That book provided the template for novels like Mercury Falls. Adams demonstrated that you could get away with putting your characters on a spaceship without ever describing what the spaceship looked like. Adams’s attitude was: "Okay, now they’re on a spaceship. You all know what a spaceship is, right? Good." And then he would move on to something really important, like a character’s quest for a good cup of tea.

Question: What is the worst lie you've ever told?

Robert Kroese: When I was maybe ten years old, I was up late reading when I was supposed to be in bed. I heard my mom coming down the hall toward my door and I knew I was going to be in big trouble if she caught me out of bed. So I flicked off the light, took two steps and dove headlong into bed. About a half second later, while the bedsprings were still creaking, my mom opened the door. I was lying diagonally on bed, spread-eagled on top of the bedspread as my mom peered in at me. Feeling the need to reassure my mother that everything was kosher, I blurted out, "I’M JUST SLEEPING THIS WAY!"

That was the worst lie I ever told.

Question: Describe the perfect writing environment.

Robert Kroese: A clean, well-lit place. With high-speed Internet access and MS Word.

Question: If you could write your own epitaph, what would it say?

Robert Kroese: "If you can read this, you’re too close."

Question: Who is the one person living or dead that you would like to have dinner with?

Robert Kroese: I think I’d really enjoy watching Woody Allen eat lobster.

Question: If you could have one superpower what would it be?

Robert Kroese: I’d like to be Super-taster, who can identify all the ingredients in any food he eats. "What is this, paprika? I knew it."

--This text refers to an alternate Paperback edition.

From Booklist

The Apocalypse is nigh in this whimsical, riotous debut. Christine Temetri, a freelancer for a popular religious news magazine, is tired of endless assignments covering cults incorrectly prophesizing the End of Days. When she talks her boss into giving her a better assignment, she doesn’t anticipate it will actually lead her back to a cult leader: the charismatic Galileo Mercury, who turns out not to be a cult leader at all, but a bona fide angel. Mercury is more interested in playing ping pong and drinking beer than he is in being involved in the upcoming Apocalypse. But when he and Christine escape a bit of divine retribution and end up saving the life of the Antichrist, a sulky gamer named Karl Grissom, they find themselves drawn into a miasma of heavenly intrigue and double-crossing. Lucifer himself is determined to find a loophole in the Apocalypse Accords, and Mercury and Christine are the only ones who can stop him. Clever, inventive, and original, Kroese’s hilarious romp has cult favorite written all over it. --Kristine Huntley --This text refers to an alternate Paperback edition.

Product Details

  • Paperback: 350 pages
  • Publisher: St. Culain Press (July 13, 2009)
  • Language: English
  • ISBN-10: 0578032147
  • ISBN-13: 978-0578032146
  • Product Dimensions: 6 x 0.8 x 9 inches
  • Shipping Weight: 1.3 pounds
  • Average Customer Review: 4.2 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (454 customer reviews)
  • Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #3,549,718 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

More About the Author

Robert Kroese's sense of irony was honed growing up in Grand Rapids, Michigan - home of the Amway Corporation and the Gerald R. Ford Museum, and the first city in the United States to fluoridate its water supply. In second grade, he wrote his first novel, the saga of Captain Bill and his spaceship Thee Eagle. This turned out to be the high point of his academic career. After barely graduating from Calvin College in 1992 with a philosophy degree, he was fired from a variety of jobs before moving to California, where he stumbled into software development. As this job required neither punctuality nor a sense of direction, he excelled at it. In 2009, he called upon his extensive knowledge of useless information and love of explosions to write his first novel, Mercury Falls. Since then, he has three more books in the Mercury series; a humorous epic fantasy, Disenchanted; and a quantum physics noir thriller, Schrodinger's Gat. His latest book is Starship Grifters.

Website: robertkroese.com
Facebook: facebook.com/robkroese
Twitter: twitter.com/robkroese

Customer Reviews

Top Customer Reviews

Format: Paperback Verified Purchase
The end is nigh. The lawyers have reached an agreement, the paperwork is in order, the Antichrist has been named, and the Four Attache Cases of the Apocalypse have been unleashed. It's business as usual for the angels and demons involved, until things started to get just a little crazy.

The stakes are obviously very high in Robert Kroese's debut novel Mercury Falls. It's Apocalypse time, baby. At least it's supposed to be. The arrangements for the final battle between good and evil have been made, but various rebels and conspirators on both sides are doing their best to make the end of the world work for their own ends. The only real "free agents" are Christine, a human reporter assigned to the apocalyptic cult beat, and Mercury, a happy go lucky angel who'd rather be perfecting his ping-pong serve than keeping the end of the world at bay. Can this unlikely duo manage to thwart everyone's apocalyptic designs and keep them from, you know, annihilating the human race?

Not since Kevin Smith's Dogma has such a heavy theological concept been portrayed so hysterically. Actually, Mercury Falls reads a bit like Dogma if it were scripted by Christopher Moore or maybe Chuck Klosterman. Kroese balances his apocalyptic subject matter with razor sharp dialogue and abundant pop culture references that had me glued to the book with a big grin on my face the whole time...when I wasn't laughing out loud, of course. How many books can accomplish that? Whether holding forth on intraplanar mass transit and the heavenly bureaucracy or the best way to get red wine out of a cashmere sweater, Kroese's words flow in an absolutely compelling manner.
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For a hilarious book! My brother is hospitalized with lymphoma and undergroing chemotherapy. To keep up his cognitive skills I read to him. Well he took over reading to me on most of this book and it had him laughing so hard he couldn't speak straight. It also brought his blood pressure down. Laughter IS the best medicine! Please keep writing!
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Format: Kindle Edition Verified Purchase
I really don't want to review this book because I was unable to finish it, but maybe I can give some advice.
Try to read the first 30 or so pages via some sort of preview service.
I was unable to finish it because the authors attempts at a kind of off-beat humor were so frequent and overbearing that I just couldn't continue reading.

Maybe for someone who really likes this type *and density* of humor will like this book.
It has that general sense of a Douglas Adams style humor, but it's as though it was an attempt to cram all the humor in HG2G into a few dozen pages.

Hope this helps... better yet... preview before buying.. because if you like the humor and frequency, you'll be in a better position to like this book.
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Format: Paperback
Recalling Christopher Moore at his drollest, and Eric Dezenhall at his most irreverent, Robert Kroese hits the nail squarely on the head. Some of the dialogue is so witty, so Wildean, that you think you must have read those jokes before, but you haven't. It's all original.

The first chapter does indeed recall Douglas Adams, but here Kroese falls down a bit. I can't help feel that he was edited into this voice for the first few pages, which is unfortunate because by the second and third chapters he starts rolling like a madman in a stolen tank.

Any concern that the narrative takes a backseat to pithy one-liners is quickly forgotten by the third or fourth chapter. The man can tell a story and will have you flipping pages well past "lights out."

The final chapter is quite upbeat, which is a tonal break with the rest of the story. Again, I felt an editor's hand at work and I hope that in Kroese's next effort he'll feel free to bookend his spectacular prose with intros and outros that are more fitting.

Highly recommend. We need more books like this.
2 Comments 76 of 81 people found this helpful. Was this review helpful to you? Yes No Sending feedback...
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Format: Paperback
First, the good news: I enjoyed the premise, and the author gets huge gold stars for a wicked sense of humor and a sharp wit. Also, I adore his use of language, and I'm picky that way.

However, I got completely bogged down in the heavy dialog. Let me qualify that by revealing that this is most likely a personal problem, or at the very least, a strong preference. I have a very short attention span and will scan and flip whenever I see more than one or two paragraphs of one character explaining something to another. And that happens more than once in this story.

(Seriously, I've never make it all the way through Hitchhiker's Guide or a Discworld book, and that's pretty much heresy for someone of my generation. I even flipped through entire segments of LOTR. I know!)

So, while the story is funny and sharp and original, the talk-to-action ratio did not fall within my preferred range. Making it through to the end took a bit of self-discipline.

But I could well be full of crap. You should read it and post a five star review about how wrong I am.
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Format: Paperback
.....(And I Feel Fine)

Mel Brooks meets Dan Brown - who is inhaling great amounts of laughing gas - in Mercury Falls (July 2009, St. Culain Press), a witty romp through a bevy of characters - including angels and demons - who are trying to get the Apocalypse just right, which includes being on time and under budget.

In an inviting layout of 337 pages and a punchy 47 chapters, author Robert Kroese - through his "alter ego," Ederatz - takes grand delight in shining the spotlight on a terrific trio who are riding one wild roller coaster. Stepping into the fracas is magazine reporter Christine Temetri, who has the quirkiness of Carl Kolchak and the tenacity of a British Bulldog, but has a boss - Harry Giddings - who would make William Randolph Hearst flee the office in terror. The tyrant of the last days is BattleCraft ace Karl Grissom, whose daily routine includes keeping his mother appeased so he can continue living in the attic of her home. And then there is Mercury - an angel with the swagger of a big-league slugger on steroids, but whose work ethic is oftentimes less than desirable - who is slated to orchestrate the end of the world.

"The Apocalypse has a way of fouling up one's plans. To its credit, humanity has done its best to anticipate the End of Days, but lacking any basis for a reliable timetable, they've jumped the gun on more than a few occasions," writes Kroese. "The Apocalypse's stubborn refusal to arrive on schedule has caused no end of trouble for the people who have volunteered to announce its arrival. Those waiting at the metaphorical arrival gate for the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse are forced to eat a lot of metaphorical crow. And pay for a lot of metaphorical flooring.
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