43 of 43 people found the following review helpful
1.0 out of 5 stars
Final Fantasy 7: Pirate's Children, June 22, 2008
This review is from: Mermaid's Kiss And Siren's Song (Paperback)
Yes, that's exactly what this book is. It's a global search & replace of an existing Final Fantasy 7 fanfic that the author wrote. What possessed her to try to publish a thinly-veiled fanfiction is beyond me, but I'm going to guess it's something like being a lazy, arrogant rich kid. Just a guess, mind you. So, beyond the fact that the story is a complete waste of time for everyone involved and the author should be ashamed that she ever tried to get it published, let's move on to the actual bulk of the story.
As I said, this is a global search and replace. That's why we've got such characters as "Gamba Dumey", aka "Gamba Dumey Wallace", who's referred to in every instance by his full name(although he drops the Wallace, perhaps because he doesn't want to be too formal). There's also "Seifirote", whose name is, according to the character index in the beginning, "meaningless"(oh if that doesn't sum up this book), and who's totally NOT a cheap thinly veiled pirate-flavored ripoff of Sephiroth. Who else in this cast of merry characters? Diana, who's certainly not Tifa. Especially not some Bizarro-Tifa who's a cheap slut reminding us with Every. Single. Line. That she gets paid to have sex with people.
So, dear gentle reader, if you'd rather read this bad fanfiction without having to pay the author money for her piss-poor search & replace job, go here and enjoy. [...]
And please, for the love of all that's good, go buy a real book. I can even suggest a couple.
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23 of 23 people found the following review helpful
1.0 out of 5 stars
Jack Sparrow Weeps, May 31, 2008
This review is from: Mermaid's Kiss And Siren's Song (Paperback)
It's rare for me to find books that are too horrible to read but I never found a book that is so bad that it's not funny,really. After I took a peek at this book the writer used dog barf to describe the character's hair and bowel or stomach movement to describe the rage of the sea. seriously, is the writer really horrible at using phrases and writing or is this the most biggest prank to exist? I advise you stick with Pirates of Caribbean and be happy with it and stay away from this book for good.
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22 of 22 people found the following review helpful
1.0 out of 5 stars
Please learn to write., July 13, 2008
This review is from: Mermaid's Kiss And Siren's Song (Paperback)
Okay, so I haven't bought this book. I looked at the tiny excerpt that was available. Oh my god. The writing is absolutely horrendous. It's as if she has no actual grasp of grammar. I'm not a very poetic person myself, but her figurative language is like someone threw up after eating imagery soup. Not to mention the strange fixation on bodily functions. This is all disregarding the fact that the characters are straight from Final Fantasy VII, just renamed. Just as a complete aside, the cover looks blurry, as if it were taken off of a Google image search or something.
Bottom line: Do not buy this book.
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11 of 12 people found the following review helpful
1.0 out of 5 stars
This Book is Fantastic!, November 2, 2009
This review is from: Mermaid's Kiss And Siren's Song (Paperback)
I cannot recommend this book highly enough! It has solved all of my problems. Upon purchase, I noticed an instant improvement in my daily life. Here is but a short list of the great things it has done for me:
When put under the leg of a wobbly table, the table became steady.
Made excellent head covering during rainy days.
Pages made unrivaled kindling for fires on those blustery nights.
Good for sopping up spilled Tuscan Milk, 1 Gallon, 128 fl. oz., when my Shamwow wasn't available.
However, book was useless for reading, as the entire thing is a find and replace of a Final Fantasy fan fiction. One star.
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10 of 11 people found the following review helpful
1.0 out of 5 stars
Worst. Book. Ever., August 5, 2009
This review is from: Mermaid's Kiss And Siren's Song (Paperback)
It reads like a five year old retard with no hands wrote it. Except he's blind.
PLEASE DON"T BUY THIS BOOK! IF YOU DO THE TERRORISTS WIN!
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6 of 6 people found the following review helpful
1.0 out of 5 stars
... Umm., August 4, 2009
This review is from: Mermaid's Kiss And Siren's Song (Paperback)
Here I was thinking that the above reviewers were overly cynical (except for the five star reviewer; I think they're simply on something) until I got past the first page. Metaphors with dog's vomit and bowel movements do no justice to an already pathetically weak plot. In fact, I think my dog could vomit more attractively than this author can write. As mentioned previously, read if you want to read a weak copy-replace job for a Final Fantasy VII fanfiction. Or if you want to give yourself a hernia.
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2 of 2 people found the following review helpful
1.0 out of 5 stars
What's this?, September 9, 2011
This review is from: Mermaid's Kiss And Siren's Song (Paperback)
I really hope this is a troll. The characters were too generic. Less than a paragraph could sum up each character's "personality". The main female character is just... Wow, talk about a major Mary-Sue. I really tried to read this, but I kept losing focus. The story... well, it's not really a story. It just sounds like a 12 year old role-playing in a deviantART chatroom. For a book that's so horrible, why does the price range between $80-$100? C'mon! This is one of those fail-books that you'd find between a faded Cabbage Patch Kid with missing fingers and a broken yo-yo in your local Good-Will store. For that sort of quality, this book should be twenty-five cents (at most). I can't believe I'm saying this, but this book is worse than the Twilight series.
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3 of 54 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars
I wish I could thank her for writing it., December 6, 2008
This review is from: Mermaid's Kiss And Siren's Song (Paperback)
Mermaid's Kiss And Siren's Song is an enchanting work by a great new talent (and that may be an understatement) I only hope this is a sign of what's to come from this bright star. I don't want to spoil the story so I'll keep the details brief, but I will say it trapped and engrossed me in a theme and style unlike anything I've encountered hence. This review is written after my third reading and each time I was amazed by details I had missed prior- if that's not the sign of great literature what is? It has been awhile since I last read this tome and I think it's time for a re-reading. I highly recommend this work for any home library.
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