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The Middle of Everything: Memoirs of Motherhood
 
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The Middle of Everything: Memoirs of Motherhood [Hardcover]

Michelle Herman (Author)
4.7 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (6 customer reviews)

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Book Description

March 1, 2005
When she was three months old, Michelle Herman's daughter, Grace, went on a hunger strike. At six, she suffered what can only be described, in the old-fashioned way, as a breakdown. And at the ripe old age of eight, she began a study of the nature of "true romance." Motherhood may come naturally, but it doesn't necessarily come easily—certainly not as easily as it seemed to this mother when she vowed to do a better job than her own mother had. But the real trouble started when Herman decided that “better” wasn't good enough: she would be the perfect mother.
 
A memoir from the front lines of motherhood by a longtime writer of fiction, The Middle of Everything weaves a daughter's memories of her Brooklyn childhood in the 1950s and 1960s, and the shadow cast on it by her own young mother's paralyzing depression, with a middle-aged woman's account of trying to break her mother's mold by meeting her own child's every need.
 
A story of love of all kinds, of work and friendship (especially best-friendship, its rewards and perils both), of the charms of other people's families, of the miseries and pleasures of aging, and of the twists of the ties that bind each generation to the next, Michelle Herman's book is an energetic, exhaustive, lacerating, unflinching, and often hilarious inside look at the very nature of motherhood.


Editorial Reviews

From Publishers Weekly

Herman writes about the multifaceted experience of parenting with elegance and hard-earned humility. Her memoir first appears to be less about motherhood than about her experience as a daughter and a friend, as she recalls how her mother's depression resulted in her own lonely and isolated childhood, and partly fueled her lifelong quest for perfect friendship and companionship. But the relationship really driving this book is that between Herman and her daughter, Grace, for whom Herman vowed to be "the mother to end all mothers." Herman has a restless mind; she's constantly analyzing every aspect of her relationships with other adults, but somehow overlooks the ways in which her total devotion to Grace and her efforts to "meet [her] every need" would contribute to Grace's inability to individuate from her mother, and lead to a psychological breakdown at age six. With professional help and therapy, Grace emerges from that crisis, but Herman's writing about that period and how her own actions and history contributed to it is poignant and enlightening. "That sometimes... mothers and their children's needs will be at odds with each other in ways that aren't in the least apparent" strikes Herman, an obviously devoted, insightful and intelligent mother, as a complete surprise, for many reasons rendered clear by the end of this memoir. (Mar. 22)
Copyright © Reed Business Information, a division of Reed Elsevier Inc. All rights reserved.

From Booklist

Herman muses on the nature of love, friendship, and aging, all within the context of her relationships with her daughter and her mother. Juxtaposing her contemporary experiences as a parent with a childhood marred by her own mother's mental illness and severe depression, she initially seems to have found the key to becoming the perfect mother, to meeting and fulfilling her daughter Grace's every need. Unfortunately, as this intimate recollection unfolds, it becomes increasingly clear that her obsession with being the perfect mother--the type of mother she herself had never had--severely impeded Grace's social development, culminating in a breakdown at age six when it became clear she lacked the necessary skills to cope with frustration, sorrow, or loneliness. Herman outlines, in frank, forthright fashion, her emotional reaction to the realization that she had to honestly reevaluate her own needs and desires in order to help her much-loved daughter chart her own course. A unique primer on the pitfalls of striving for parental perfection. Margaret Flanagan
Copyright © American Library Association. All rights reserved

Product Details

  • Hardcover: 214 pages
  • Publisher: University of Nebraska Press (March 1, 2005)
  • Language: English
  • ISBN-10: 0803224265
  • ISBN-13: 978-0803224261
  • Product Dimensions: 8.8 x 5.1 x 1 inches
  • Shipping Weight: 9.6 ounces (View shipping rates and policies)
  • Average Customer Review: 4.7 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (6 customer reviews)
  • Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #843,539 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

More About the Author

Michelle Herman was born and reared in Brooklyn and educated at Brooklyn College and the University of Iowa Writers' Workshop. She has lived for many years in Columbus, Ohio, with her husband, the still life painter Glen Holland, and their daughter, Grace. Her first book, "Missing," won the Harold Ribalow Prize for best Jewish fiction in 1990; subsequent honors include an NEA Fellowship, a James Michener Fellowship, numerous artist's fellowships from the state of Ohio, and several major teaching awards from Ohio State, where she has taught creative writing and literature since 1988. Her stories, novellas, and personal essays have appeared in such journals as The North American Review, The Southern Review, Story Quarterly, American Scholar, and O, the Oprah Magazine. When not writing or teaching, she can often be found singing jazz standards. Visit her online at www.michelleherman.com.

 

Customer Reviews

6 Reviews
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Average Customer Review
4.7 out of 5 stars (6 customer reviews)
 
 
 
 
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Most Helpful Customer Reviews

11 of 11 people found the following review helpful:
5.0 out of 5 stars Unforgettable, February 6, 2005
By 
A reader (Columbus, OH) - See all my reviews
This review is from: The Middle of Everything: Memoirs of Motherhood (Hardcover)
What an extraordinary book this is! Herman, whose expansive, delightful style effortlessly incorporates an array of experience, moves with grace and perfect emotional honesty through this memoir. She analyzes the complexities of female friendships, the hunger for stardom and precariousness of various changes of life with an eye so fresh and discerning that readers may feel as if she is making these subjects anew. The book's final essay, about her daughter's breakdown, is something no reader is likely ever to forget--searing, devastaing, stunning.
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8 of 8 people found the following review helpful:
3.0 out of 5 stars In Whose Best Interest?, October 18, 2005
This review is from: The Middle of Everything: Memoirs of Motherhood (Hardcover)
I almost had a nervous breakdown just reading this book. Herman's writing for three quarters of the book is about herself and "restless" does not begin to describe the way she analyzes relationships. It's tedious and self-indulgent. The most interesting parts of the book is when she describes her daughter and the "breakdown". I will give her credit for being brutally honest about herself. As a mother, the most interesting thing said in the book is the criteria the doctor recommended when deciding what actions to take: "Is this for you or for her?" So in using this guideline, how wise is it to publish a book on your own child's psychological problems? A child who is probably still under 18 and cannot consent? How will she feel having such personal issues being aired out by the mother that actually caused them? How is this benefiting the child?
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1 of 1 people found the following review helpful:
5.0 out of 5 stars Real motherhood, Real honesty, October 25, 2005
This review is from: The Middle of Everything: Memoirs of Motherhood (Hardcover)
Not since Anne Lamott's "Operating Instructions" have I felt so...connected to a fellow mother - and the mother part doesn't even really get rolling till the final part of the book!
I loved reading about Michelle's process of 'getting there'... all the relationships we form, for better or for worse; the friends we make and lose; the loneliness and love... all that stuff we go through as women before we enter the most challenging relationship of all - that we have with our children. Thank you Michelle for baring your soul - I feel like I've found a friend.
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