Military Widow: A Survival Guide [Paperback]

Joanne M. Steen (Author), M. Regina Asaro (Author)

Book Description

Publication Date: August 3, 2006

This survival guide for widows of service personnel, a first-of-its-kind, tackles the unique and complex issues arising from the death of a spouse in the military. It speaks to loss in each of the service branches, across the span of rank and rates, and offers invaluable insights and practical strategies for dealing with this life-altering tragedy. The authors expertly blend personal experience with guidance from leading experts on grief and traumatic loss and translate ten years of lessons learned into an effective guide. Short, easy-to-read chapters provide realistic profiles of widows and their responses to loss and the complications generated in the unique world of the military, as well as insight on how to make difficult decisions and cope with everyday situations. Although written primarily for the widow, this book will also prove useful to other family members, friends, and military professionals.

Editorial Reviews

About the Author

Joanne M. Steen, the widow of a naval aviator killed in the line of duty, is a nationally certified counselor and certified strategic planner, crisis responder, instructor, and speaker on military loss. M. Regina Asaro is a psychiatric nurse certified in death and bereavement and a crisis responder who worked with a team in Oklahoma City in the aftermath of the bombing and with the families of victims of the massacre in Srebrenica. She has presented many workshops on the impact of violent crime, grief, and traumatic loss.

Product Details

• Paperback: 215 pages
• Publisher: Naval Institute Press (August 3, 2006)
• Language: English
• ISBN-10: 1591148340
• ISBN-13: 978-1591148340
• Product Dimensions: 9 x 6.1 x 0.6 inches
• Shipping Weight: 11.2 ounces (View shipping rates and policies)
• Average Customer Review: 4.8 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (13 customer reviews)
• Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #368,327 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)
  • #80 in Books > Health, Fitness & Dieting > Relationships > Love & Loss

More About the Author

Joanne Steen is the co-author of "Military Widow: A Survival Guide" (Naval Institute Press, 2006) and the US Naval Institute's 2007 Distinguished Author of the Year. A military widow and former Navy instructor, Joanne is knowledgeable of the military, its culture, and the unique issues military service presents.

A nationally certified counselor with an emphasis on traumatic loss and grief, Joanne has taught over 5000 military and civilian personnel who work with the families of America's fallen warriors.

Joanne is currently working on "Military Parents: We regret to inform you," a book for parents who have lost a son or daughter in the line of duty.

Customer Reviews

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

4 of 4 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars Excellent resource for military widows and more, July 22, 2006

By 

tietack "tietack" (West Coast USA) - See all my reviews

This review is from: Military Widow: A Survival Guide (Paperback)

I've read over a dozen books to help me in my journey through grief, and none are as succinct and clear as Joanne Steen's "Military Widow: A Survival Guide."

The chapters are short, the coverage is excellent, and the "lessons learned" from other military widows stand out. Every word was written with the care of someone who has lived through the pain.

Many of the "lessons learned" in this book can help non-military widows and widowers. It helped me. I believe this book can even help non-widows understand the terrible burden of the military widow.

Part one: "Life and Death in the military," bring us into the diverse lives of widows in the Army, Navy, Air Force, Marines, and the Coast Guard. Military widowhood (and the focus is on the widow) is especially difficult. Joanne understands: "Protecting America does have its price, and for me, it was my husband's life."

Part Two is entitled: "Military grief is complex." It's usually associated with young widowhood, far from family and home towns. The circumstances of military death, when they died for a cause, when bodies are unavailable, when the mission is classified, makes things more difficult. The publicity around the death, as well as the funeral, often forces the military widow into the public eye.

Military widowhood comes without warning. Part Three: "When your husband dies suddenly," contrasts the circumstances of anticipated and sudden deaths. It dispels popular notions on how we should grieve. It encourages us to do the grief work necessary to move forward in the lives we never wanted. It describes how counseling and getting together with other widows can validate our feelings, with the experience of others. Special military grief issues include delays related to deployment.

As described in Part Four, widowhood is "The unplanned trip through living hell." In most cases, connections to your husband's unit change. Children grieve in different ways. Too many people tell us dumb things (and the book includes interesting answers). It addresses some of the "God issues," it provides warnings about inappropriate advances and identity theft.

Part Five, "Difficult decisions," describes the need for financial planning, encourages stability in living arrangements (after base housing), as well as common-sense advice on medals and mementos.

"Everyday coping," the subject of Part Six, examines how to handle significant dates (as well as the time beforehand), widow humor, staying healthy, in-laws, ex-wives and stepchildren, if and when to date again (as well as the reactions of others), how we change, as well as planning for emergencies.

Appendix A includes a list of practical tips for helping the military widow - in the short and long term. Appendix B adds a list of organizations which can help in various ways.

Disclaimer: I've been a widower for just over four years. I've seen Joanne's work with military widows (and other widowed people like myself) first hand. After my Nancy died, she was the first widow who helped me. She has put the best of her wisdom and hard-earned experience in this book.

2 of 2 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars Unparalleled Resource -- A Must Read, October 6, 2006

By 

D. Atkins (Virginia Beach, V A) - See all my reviews
(REAL NAME)   

This review is from: Military Widow: A Survival Guide (Paperback)

Military Widow: A Survival Guide shows tremendous insight into the challenges a young military widow experiences. I desperately needed this book when my husband, a Navy pilot, was killed in an A-6 crash. Joanne Steen and Regina Asaro give validity to the unspoken thoughts and feelings that many military widows go through. The book gives practical suggestions for dealing with difficult situations and contains great references to survive and manage the months and years after a traumatic loss. In addition to being an unmatched resource for widows, "Military Widow" is a must-read for her family and friends and a practical tool for the professionals working with her.

2 of 2 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars Badly Needed, Brilliantly Done, August 16, 2006

By 

John Matlock "Gunny" (Winnemucca, NV) - See all my reviews
(REAL NAME)   

This review is from: Military Widow: A Survival Guide (Paperback)

There is so much good about this book that it is hard to know where to start.

First, I guess, is the fact that this is a book for military widows, written by a military widow. Joanne Steen is the widow of a Navy helicopter pilot whose machine came apart in the air killing everyone on board.

Second, it is published by Naval Institute Press. The US Naval Institute has been around a long time and will remain around. They can (and I hope they will) keep this book available for a long time.

Third, while there is a lot of coverage in the press about the war in Iraq, most military people are killed in ordinary everyday ways. This includes heart attacks, automobile accidents, all the things that kill non-service people.

Fourth, the book covers every aspect you can imagine from the funeral to the kids.

I could go on, but by now you should have the picture. This is a book that every military chaplain, every casualty officer should have, read, study and give copies to the widows. Perhaps two copies, one immediately, and another in a month or so when they have had time to recover a bit.