Customer Reviews

Miner's Massacre

5 star:		(5)
4 star:		(3)
3 star:		(1)
2 star:		(4)
1 star:		(6)

 

 

"Miner's Massacre" is your standard modern-day slasher with a little bit of sleaze and a lot of cheese, but virtually nothing to offer the horror genre. Borrowing from classics of the past, "Miner's Massacre" attempts to sell the villain Jeremiah Stone, a cold-blooded 49er who died but placed a curse on his gold, to the audience. Well, some of your typical idiotic twenty-somethings decide to go collect this gold upon receiving word from a friend that is within reach. Of course, the gold is cursed by the ole 49er and he is not about to let it go without a fight.

While fairly straightforward, "Miner's Massacre" has very little to offer the horror genre or its slasher sub-genre. The kills are pretty lame to be honest with you and the acting is for all intents and purposes pretty wooden to say the least. It is very difficult to take this one seriously, and it is actually a pretty boring movie overall. One of the many problems with this movie is that there are no likeable characters in this movie. To be perfectly frank, there are some very unlikeable characters in this movie to the extent that one almost hope the ole 49er will kill them all except for the fact that he is such a lame and generic attempt at a horror villain, made in the mold of a Jason Voorhees or Michael Myers style, but not nearly as convincing. The villain, Jeremiah Stone, also cannot be taken seriously and this another reason the movie comes off as a total joke.

I love slashers, but this one just cannot be taken seriously at all. Many slashers are not meant to be taken seriously, but most of the really good ones attempt to create some horror at least to some extent, a la "He Knows You're Alone", "Madman" (perhaps it is cheesy at times, but it comes up with the goods when it counts), "The Burning" and "Black Christmas". However, "Miner's Massacre" is really nothing more than an unintentional comedy and while some people like these types of movies, I find them dull and boring. In essence, "Miner's Massacre" has absolutely ZERO style and essentially zero substance to hang its hat on at the end of the day. Every now and then I run upon a good slasher flick, but every one I do find, I find ten or more like "Miner's Massacre" which is for all intents and purposes a complete waste of time. Sadly, I have seen much worse, however.

Some guy finds some gold in an old mine, then he calls his friends to come and help him dig it up. And old miner, the Miner Forty-Niner, comes back to life and kills the guy. When the rest of the kids arrive, he goes after them as well. The characters aren't bad, they're total cliches, but played with enthusiasm. The plot sort of drags here and there with pointless subplots, but hey, they had to pad out the run time somehow.

Overall, I give it four stars because it's better than most of the garbage out there and I sort of liked it. Nothing great though - not even close. Okay for a boring night when there's nothing on TV if you're a fan of slashers.

I've never been the first to review a movie!! I rented this movie being a horror fan and any movie with the word massacre in the title is a movie for me! This movie isn't all that bad. It centers around 3 couples who go to a ghost town to try to find gold in a old mine. They end up bringing to life a dead miner who now takes revenge on anyone who tries to take "his" gold. Some good scenes in this movie. Overall, not a bad movie to rent, it's worth the $4 !!!!

Here we are at the 12th Octoberfest horror review and decided to go with the true Sid fashion of horrific B found no earlier then 1:00 am on a movie channel. This type of flick, as terrible as it may be, really screams the origin of what we love. And that is finding very obscure low budget films late at night to have a great laugh over. Despite it bringing our minds back to the great times in life Miner's Massacre was almost a complete waste. Now it wasn't a one star effort being that the zombie type revenge bent miner was pretty cool looking. Other then that with a few laughs it's something you will never have on a priority list.

Being the intelligent reader you are you can pretty much sum up where this one's going just from the title. We have a group of very unlikeable friends that discover a heap of gold, probably the chocolate kind found at a dollar store, inside of an old mine. Once they decide to remove the gold from the spot the spirit/zombie miner comes out looking to tear sh** up. His revenge is something of epic proportions in the laugh department. Some kills are so ridiculous you just can't help but enjoy them for being so thought provoking. Really just your average run of the mill idiot kill fest but still earned a couple stars to do it's laugh factor. If you're looking for a legit horror then look much further then this. As far as Sid stands, one view was enough. We most likely would have enjoyed it about the same even as 13 year old kids.

You know you've made it in cheesy B-cinema whenever your flick gets picked up by the SciFi channel. "Miner's Massacre" is one of those chosen few. SciFi flicks are of two kinds: 1)decent flicks with small budgets and even smaller stars or 2)just flat out awful. "Miner's Massacre" falls into this second group. It's the tale of a bunch of nubile twentysomethings who head off into the mountains to seek out an old mine that's full of gold. Of course, by finding the gold they unleash the fury of Jeremiah Stone, claim jumper, rapist, cannibal, and all-around nasty dude. He's awakened from his evil slumber whenever the brother of one of the main characters finds his stash and sends half of a map to his sister to let her know that there is in fact gold in them thar hills. When the sister arrives, with boyfriend and others in tow, the hackin' and slashin' kicks off big time.

I have to admit that there are some pretty decents kills in this flick. The miner is actually a pretty mean looking fellow and the actor who portrays him does a decent job in the role. The special effects aren't that shabby either.

The main complaint I have with this film is that the actors in it are just horrible. There's a geeky dude named Axl, who loses his girlfriend right at the beginning of this flick when she sees him holding hands with a local named Eve. Sure, Eve's pretty, but she has a horrible "redneck" accent that completely destroys her character. The rest of the gang are typical of films such as these. They all overact, wear skimpy clothes, and seem to abandon all sense of logic in making decisions.

Of course, there are the token cameos by little known or forgotten actors such as Jeff Conaway, Karen Black, and character actor Martin Kove.

If you decide to watch this flick, be prepared to get a typical hacker B-flick with only minimal repeat viewing potential. As stated before, the mad miner is a really cool idea and he has some wonderful kills, but it's just not enough to save this snoozer.

What do you get when you cross the creeper, jason voorhees, and madman marz? The 49er that's what. It so obvious that this film was gonna be bad, so it should've been gorier. Th 49er is obviously a rip-off of the creeper from jeepers creepers. He kills like jason and madman marz, and has that ghost story that madman marz did. But this "film" doesn't get off easy. It is totally void of anything remotely scary (duh) but it is a film which you and your buds can sit down and make fun of it. Acting=CRUD! SCORE=CRUD! DIRECTOR=CRUD! SCRIPT=CRUD! and Miner's Massacre=Pure cheezy fun. Rent it.

They've gone back to the Halloween/Friday the 13th-style slasher movies, where the killer is barely seen throughout the first 2/3 of the movie even in the scenes involving him killing people, the victims' bodies basically disappearing, leaving no sign that anything happened, and so on. As such, this is better than most modern slashers.

Also, Vernon Wells is very good at playing a villain... too bad he's only in this for about five minutes though.

Unlike most straight to DVD movies, this was at least not shot with a camcorder. Though Jerimaiah Stone will never be as popular as Jason Voorhees or Freddy Kruger, he does have an interesting story and background.

Seems old Jerimiah survived the Donner party by eating his own wife and child. After that he became a crazed murderer, rapist, and claim jumper. So maybe ol' Satan had a special place in his black heart for him.

A group of young adults go to Suttersville with a map. They discover the gold, release the curse and the killing ensues. That's about the gist of it. The characters are everyday people which adds a little realism to this caper.

Eve was the best looking chick, but she got a pickaxe top the gut. other kills include....

A shovel to the throat through a windshield

A chain and hook hanging

A decapitaion scene with pretty good 'dying head' effects

A burning camero and driver

A lady being set on fire who jumps in the lake (survives?)

No nudity, which sucks for a slasher flick, but good none the less.

I LOVE horror movies, I love gore, blood, and massacres, but this movie was HORRIBLE!! There are 6 people who are in search of gold... a woman's brother told her to come to this place because he found soooo much gold. So, she gets her boyfriend and her 2 other pairs of friends who are couples. At first, the movie started out good, but then it just turned so CHEESY! The legend was that this man (the 49er or miner) found some gold, but he was *evil* and he liked to kill people. So, he then sold his spirit to the devil and said anyone who comes and takes my gold will awaken me and all who are in my path or have taken my gold shall die. (hmm haven't we heard something like this before??) and basically they the 3 couples take the gold and now they must pay, becaues they woke up the spirit of the 49er. There is like NO gore at all in this movie. If you saw the Texas Chainsaw Massacre you know that he hangs his victims on a hook right... well thats EXACTLY what this guy did, except he put a bucket under then to catch the blood. Also, there are so many cheesy, wisecrack, sexual, jokes. If you really wanna see a GOOD HORROR MOVIE... may I recommend, "The Texas Chainsaw Massacre" or "Jeepers Creepers 1 or 2" Like I said if you like boring, cheesy, crappy movies, this is the MOVIE FOR YOU!

For those out there seeking other slasher movies besides everybody's top picks, this is a great one to start out with. For a "B" movie, I think this is highly underated. It's not easily found like most "B" movies and it doesnt even have a poster. :(
I feel that this was a pretty decent slasher flick and I am sure that if you like slashers as much as I do, that you will enjoy it!