Customer Reviews

The Miracle of Death

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I have known Dr. Kovacs--Betty, of course to all those who know and love her--for--it will be forty years this fall. She has been a teacher to me and a guide. She is a great teller of stories--that ancient form of human expression that, along with myth and ritual, poetry and song, dance and music, speaks to us on a level more immediate than the verbal. That she leaves out mention of this form in her delineation on page six is perhaps a slip of modesty.

She has found her voice here in this wonderful and amazing recollection of a miracle that she experienced, recorded, transcribed, and now relates to us as the wise shaman of old often did around the prehistoric campfire, night after night, our faces warm, our eyes dancing with the flames, and our ears tuned to the voice of wisdom, mystery, experience, awe and spirituality.

"The Bard," as Betty calls this speaker, this charmer, this weaver of words--words that skip past the rational mind, dodge ordinary consciousness, to light into the very soul of the listener, is none other than herself, an expert on myth and culture telling us what was, what is and what will be, for herself, for those she loved and for those who loved her, and now for readers of this book. (A beautifully presented book, by the way, meticulously edited and artfully designed, clearly written, every word weighed and weighed again, and every sentence polished.)

Sometimes it is the smallest thing, a sudden rustle in the trees, the fall of rain out of a cloudless sky that awakens us to a realization of the extraordinary depth of things. In Zen this is seen as Enlightenment, something that comes and goes and comes again until perhaps we are ready and then it stays. With Betty, the Enlightenment was a supernova of sudden experience, the likes of which few of us ever encounter: the death of her mother in a car accident; and then a year later the death of her only, and much beloved, most beautiful son, also in an automobile accident; and then sixteen months later the death--still again in an auto accident--of her husband of over thirty years, the central love of her life, a man of extraordinary vitality and quiet wisdom, also my friend and guide.

Most people would not only give way to despair and depression, anger and a justifiable self-pity if in swift succession such events rained down like molten lead upon them. But Betty, always a teacher and an example, a guide and a person aware of herself as a spiritual being, gave way not to any of that, but turned what seemed on the surface to be something beyond horror into the most amazing transformation of love and creativity. Working with dream, symbol and myth, she saw and lived and breathed what she calls "The Miracle of Death," an enlightenment that flung open the doors of perception (always made opaque by the ordinary mind) to reveal a depth of Being beyond any ordinary comprehension of it.

"We do not die," says the Gita, and in this book we learn that death and life are but different sides of the same coin, inseparable, miraculous features of a balanced and dynamic cosmology in which the peace that passeth understanding becomes immediate if only we are open to it.

Being does not exist without non-being. How could it? And life does not exist without death. That is clear. But what Betty wants us to know is that death is merely another aspect of life. As her son Pisti (wise beyond his years) said to his father, "Dad, there is nothing but life."

In reading this book you may find, as I did, a resonance in Betty's theme of "denied realities" (p. 33) or "realities beyond the rational" (p. 108) suppressed by the ordinary consciousness of the Western world. Or you may find an accord in her debunking of the "myth of empty materialism" (p. 42) clung to by Western culture. Professor Kovacs sees the "material myth" as the cause of our disassociation from our spiritual selves evidenced by, among other things, wide spread pollution of all kinds. But she sees a transformation coming. Not a "new age" (she studiously avoids this overused phrase) but a planetary shift in consciousness.

Death is as Divine as Life.
Hold them in both hands, Kicsi.
Play with them.
Balance them.
This is the Divine Game.

--a found poem by Istvan Kovacs

There is Nothing but Life: to experience this essential truth is to experience the miracle of death, this premise is profound and its ramifications pave the way for an original framework for conceptualizing death suitable for the 21st century. "The Miracle of Death" begins with Kovacs' powerful moment, the call saying her son had been in an accident and that his condition is "very serious." Dr. Kovacs turns her grief into a lesson for all of us to be aware, trust in dreams, strive to understand artistic expression and to trust intuition. While the miraculously synchronized events that unfold in the book are unlikely to happen to all of us, the author uses events leading to death as tools to teach us how to recognize the language of both fate and coincidence. Kovacs deals with some of the most difficult topics humans ever encounter, with aplomb and resolve.

Dr. Kovacs' interpretations and analysis sometimes are weighed down by New Age jargon that masks underlying emotion, rendering the text difficult to penetrate. The author is most engaging when she falls back on her background in literature and writing, that is, when she delves into personal narrative. Kovacs personal accounts propel the reader to turn each page eagerly and as we move through the difficulties with her, respect for her courageous attitude mounts. Losing a child is something dreadful and unexpected but the author turns this and other equally horrific tragedies in her life into moments of inspiration, clarity, vision and even joy.

There is a unique blend of western and nonwestern thought in this book. Dr. Kovacs often reflects on the work of Carl Jung yet she also utilizes the Native American Medicine Wheel, Celtic Spirituality and Ancient Egyptian belief systems. Dr. Kovacs creates a fused modality of symbolic analysis, earth celebration and ritual; the outcome inspires personal healing and global transformation.

Kovacs work demonstrates that every event however erratic, unplanned or seemingly spontaneous, stems from a divine plan. The author shows how observations of art, dreams and intuition of all of the people in your circle can lift the shroud from the phenomena called death. Betty Kovacs message is one of hope-thankfully, she has passed the torch on to light the way for the rest of us.

THE MIRACLE OF DEATH by Betty J. Kovacs, Ph.D., Foreword by Anne Baring. Kamlak Center, Claremont, CA 91711-4716. 2003. appendices, notes, resources, bibliography, index.

Betty Kovacs uses her Ph.D. in Comparative Literature and Theory of Symbolic Language from the University of California at Irvine and position as member of the Board of Directors of the Jung Society of Claremont, CA, to understand the mystery and the tragedy of the death of her son Pisti. Kovacs' husband Istvan shared in the journey to a profound understanding of this momentous event in their lives. "The Miracle of Death" has much broader appeal than its apparent New-Age topic. It will draw as well readers interested in grieving and grief studies, women's memoirs, family studies, and psychological and spiritual journeys and quests. Kovacs cites historical and mythological studies, individual experiences surrounding death, and cutting-edge science to support a radical change in the way we think about death and life.

In the course of her revelations, Kovacs came to realize that her formal education and professional activity had imposed limitations on her understanding. She felt her customary ways of thinking and comprehending breaking down under the impact of her son's untimely death. Moving beyond her past experiences and learning, she became open to experiences and aspects of reality she had been blind to. A short passage of Christopher Fry quoted by Kovacs summarizes her journey and what she learned--"...there is an angle of experience where the dark is distilled into light...." Kovacs found that angle. In so openly, honestly, and sensitively relating her experience in assimilating the meaning of her son's death, Kovacs can also open the reader's life to ordinarily buried dimensions of existence and experience.

Henry Berry, book reviewer
The Small Press Book Review

Betty Kovacs starts "The Miracle of Death" with a short quote that sums up the book nicely - "For life is eternal and love is immortal and death is only a horizon, and an horizon is nothing save the limit of our sight". Death is not an ending of life but a part of the cycle of life. Just as the horizon is not the end of the earth, neither is death the end of life. Through a series of precognitive dreams and visions her husband, son, and herself learned about this cycle of life. When her son Pisti died she came to understand that birth and death are just events in time and space.

Betty Kovacs shares her pathway to that understanding as well as the knowledge itself in a gentle and understanding manner like a wise elder relating truth to a seeker of knowledge. Throughout the book she compassionately relates her grief and her pathway to a deeper understanding of life and death. This is a highly recommended read for anyone seeking answers to the questions of loss of a loved one.

Despite the popularity of shows such as "Crossing Over with John Edwards (no, not Kerry's running mate, who shows no signs of crossing over)," Western society seems to have forgotten Rainer Maria Rilke's belief that the afterlife and the living life interact, and as Antoine de Saint-Exupéry wrote in THE LITTLE PRINCE, "What is essential is invisible to the naked eye."

It took the death of 20-year-old Pisti (Hungarian for Istvan or Steven) Kovács in a car accident for his academic mother Dr. Betty "Kicsi" Kovács and father Istvan to put into perspective Western civilization's rejection of death and the institutions, including organized religion, that cause us to fear "a consummation devoutly to be wished," in Shakespeare's words. Interestingly, Dr. Kovacs argues against a dichotomy of thought that cut off the instinctive and dream knowledge as ruthlessly as Puritans arrested women for being witches. She condemns our society's dismissal of dreams and visions such as the prophetic symbolic dreams Dr. Kovács, Istvan and Pisti's beloved girlfriend Jenny experience before and after his death. The dream imagery guided Dr. Kovács toward stunning insights about the meaning of death. Simply put, Dr. Kovacs argues that there is nothing but life, and that Western civilization's ignorance of that truth has caused a breakdown in our society.

As we begin to search for understanding of the death and horror of September 11, Dr. Kovács loving insights, which offer an alternative to our worldview although not a prescription for transformation, deserve to be heard, so that a new creativity of thought and being can emerge.

I have never met Betty Kovacs, and I haven't read her book yet either, but I did attend a couple of lectures that were sponsored by the "Claremont Jung Society" in Claremont, California, I placed myself on their mailing list and received a regular mailing of their upcoming lectures and events.

In 1991 I received a mailing from the Claremont Jung Society which at first I thought would be a another list of their upcoming lectures. The brochure was titled "To The Friends Of The Claremont Jung Society." The brochure turned out to be a heartfelt personal dedication to the life and death of her son. This may seem to be a bit depressing, but it turned out to be a very touching celebration of a life, a mothers deep love, and the effect one persons life can have on us all.
I still have this brochure in case I ever forget how short a lifetime can be, and that a love felt, should always be a love expressed.

I'm a man, and I'm not ashamed to say that I cried after reading
her personal revelation of her love for her son. If we could all love each other this deep, I know this world would be much better for it. I know that her story changed me, and this change in me will have an effect on people that I interact with in the future. I may not ever see exactly what exactly my change is, or it's effect on others, but I can feel it in a deep emotional empathy towards people I love, and total strangers I meet.

Death is a very uncomfortable subject for most of us, and we really don't want to think about it much, or deal with it.
But doesn't the same thought hold true for the way we live our lives as well?

Something to think about!

When grief was ready to swallow me alive, this book showed up and turned everything around. It brought me comfort, hope, and validation that was nowhere else to be found. Thank you for writing this book. Thank you for being a miracle in my life.

I was deeply impressed by The Miracle of Death. Betty J. Kovacs was well prepared to listen to the force behind the force of pure creativity (p. 37), being trained in the theory of symbolic language, yet the path was long and hard before she could see that everything is real, whether it has form or not(p. 98). She takes our hand and leads us to the space and time of consciousness and this journey transforms our understanding of reality irrevocably. Her access to multidimensional realties is based
on (precognitive) dreams, which she interprets not in the classic analytical way but on the transpersonal and universal, thus spiritual, level. Betty J. Kovacs describes powerful dreams and visions which prepared her unconsciously for dramatic events to come, the soul can grieve for future realities (p. 137). She and her husband had many
visions of their departed son which can be put on a level with after-death communications (ADCs) and she shares those precious messages with the reader: "Live each moment fully, then let it go"(p. 89), and "Dad, there is nothing but Life" (p. 63). Individuals who underwent a near-death experience (NDE) unanimously state that all events happen for a reason and are part of a bigger plan, confirming a vision Betty J.
Kovacs' husband had some days before he was killed in a car accident, "Everything will work out the way it has to be. Don't try to force things. Everything will be just as it has been intended, as we and you have chosen. Whatever happens will be for the benefit of everybody involved. Everything is on schedule" (p. 144). The author has the
great benefit of having put the issues of death and survival on a more holistic level, paralleling the individual destiny with the one of planet earth and humanity at large. "I still had a long journey ahead of me, but this vision was a jewel that reminded me again and again of the power of every single person's love, grief, and longing to create a better world for ourselves and our children" (p. 155). The Miracle of Death is about
liberation, love and creativity and will transform all those who have the courage to accept "inner experiences which have no validation in the outer world" (p. 169).

Evelyn Elsaesser-Valarino
Author of Talking with Angel about illness, death and survival
On the Other Side of Life
Co-author with Kenneth Ring of Lessons from the Light
www.Elsaesser-Valarino.com

When I first sat down with Betty Kovacs's MIRACLE OF DEATH, I wasn't thrilled to read it. First, it wasn't a book by one of my author friends and secondly I wasn't sure about the topic. Then I read the first page, and couldn't put it down.

Dr. Kovacs weaves emotion into the pages that will leave you gripping the book, refusing to put it down. I finished it in one sitting and was left with some new insights into life, death and the relationships between the two.

I highly recommend this book to anyone looking for something deeper to read.

It was good and enlightening. The realm between life and death is a mystery and this book unlocks this.