Mirrored Lives: Aging Children and Elderly Parents [Hardcover]

Thomas Koch (Author), Tom Koch (Author)

Book Description

Publication Date: October 1990 | ISBN-10: 0275936716 | ISBN-13: 978-0275936716

This book deals with the geriatric decline connected to non-terminal illness in old age. Tom Koch takes a look at the declining years of his father. The book is a narrative record of an elderly man unable to accept the physical realities of his state. Because it is told by the patient's caregiver, a son, it also chronicles the issues and mechanics of the ageing child's role in caring for a parent. Koch defines ageing as more than a series of physical symptoms and places the issues of caring and ageing within the perspective of socially accepted values; interdependence, social function, family dynamics, and financial worth. The patient, his physicians and nurses, family and friends all become ciphers in the code by which we define not only aging and the elderly, but time, history, and ourselves. "Mirrored Lives" offers a social document in which the case of one man and his last years becomes a symbol for us all. Koch provides not only a record of the non-terminal decline of an elderly individual - his father - but a perspective which defines the problems of gerontology in a social context. His experiences are a practical example of the psychological aspects of caregiving to the elderly parent and the geriatric decline that parent experiences - decreased mobility, increasing senility. The book places the community's reactions to the elderly's problems in a social context. Thus, ageing is defined as a multi-generational issue, not something which just happens to the patient.

Editorial Reviews

From Publishers Weekly

In 1984, Koch, a Vancouver freelance journalist, went to Buffalo, N.Y., to care for his father, Norman, who was living alone in the family home there. A 74-year-old widower, Norman was convalescing from surgery on an arthritic hip and expected to resume an independent existence. But the patient's geriatric ills multiplied, changing him into a senile tyrant during the remaining five years of his life. The youngest of four brothers, the author tended his father with no appreciable help except from professional aides. He recalls the experience in this self-serving, bitterly resentful book about his brothers' failure to share the burden and about coldly impersonal doctors.
Copyright 1990 Reed Business Information, Inc.

From Library Journal

Norm Koch's geriatric decline began with hip replacement surgery followed by complications from which he never fully recovered. His son Tom, a freelance journalist, assumed responsibility for organizing home care, arranging his father's finances, and nursing him through several critical illnesses until his death in 1989. This book is an honest, moving account of "the frustration of a family whose central member's life is progressively diminished by physical and mental impairment." It chronicles the daily stresses of living with an aged, ill parent whose physical disabilities are heightened by loss of independence and self-esteem. The final chapter outlines a family plan for dealing with prolonged illness in an elderly relative. Beautifully written, this is one of the best first-person accounts of family caregiving. Highly recommended for both children and parents.
- Karen McNally Bensing, Benjamin Rose Inst. Lib., Cleveland
Copyright 1990 Reed Business Information, Inc.

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Product Details

• Hardcover: 240 pages
• Publisher: Praeger Publishers (October 1990)
• Language: English
• ISBN-10: 0275936716
• ISBN-13: 978-0275936716
• Product Dimensions: 9.6 x 6.4 x 0.9 inches
• Shipping Weight: 1.3 pounds (View shipping rates and policies)
• Average Customer Review: 5.0 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (2 customer reviews)
• Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #3,432,865 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

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Customer Reviews

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

2 of 3 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars Valiant Company and Help Facing the Devastations of Age, October 19, 2000

By 

Karen Mitura - See all my reviews

This review is from: Mirrored Lives: Aging Children and Elderly Parents (Hardcover)

Looking into a mirror can be devastating. Koch unflinchingly turns not only his father's face and his own to the mirror, but the eyes and heart of the reader.

I discovered this book in a display at my library for Grandparent's Day. As I reached for it, tears rushed from my eyes and part of me froze. I didn't want to think about this. Who does? But the time was fast upon me. I had an appointment with a geriatrician scheduled for my dad at that point. His clinical eyes (not unexpectedly) mirrored back Alzheimer's. Reading this book gave me a wise and gentle hand to hold throughout what I know is only the start of a long hard passage. Not only does Koch provide useful information, he allows you to share his journey from the inside with candor. Could I be moved to violence by the demands of care giving? Could you? Could we all? He not only lets us face that worst case scenario vicariously, he gives us alternatives to help us plan for the best case.

You need to read this book before you are likely to think you need to. If the title applies to your life, the contents do. The less you want to read it, the more you probably need to look into the mirror of this book. Perhaps if Don Quixote had prepared for a battle with the Knight of Mirrors he would not have been vanquished.

Those who need this book most will have the least time to read it. Make the time. If you read it a page a night during your 36 hour day, you will benefit.

5.0 out of 5 stars A must read to get a peek of aging., October 17, 2009

By 

Dorothy Patton "THF CHALKLEY" (Las Vegas, Nevada) - See all my reviews
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This review is from: Mirrored Lives: Aging Children and Elderly Parents (Hardcover)

This is a book we all need to read. Someday all of us will be involved in this situation. It is a love/hate read. If you are dealing with an elderly parent who needs "help" you realize how big and serious the situation may become. You also realize that one day you may be in this exact situation. The thought is very frightening!