Customer Reviews

Misconceptions: Truth, Lies, and the Unexpected on the Journey to Motherhood

5 star:		(38)
4 star:		(25)
3 star:		(13)
2 star:		(15)
1 star:		(26)

 

 

This book has some good aspects but feels like it needed more research or more time in introspection. Sure it is great to have a well known respected feminist writer say the things that Suzanne Arms, Ina May Gaskin, Sheila Kitzinger, etc. have all said before(and somewhat better in my opinion) and women will pick up this book, because it is Naomi Wolf, that wouldn't otherwise buy a book about birth and mothering. That is all to the good!

I see strengths in the chapters describing the truly typical dismissive prenatal care most OBs give (I say this as an experienced childbirth educator/labor support person/mother of twins - the dreaded "high risk" pregnancy that wasn't). It clearly says that there is no basis in fact or simple human decency in such a birth culture. The Post Partum Depression chapter is worth the price of the book. Honesty on that topic is often lacking! I actually liked the stories about women trying to negotiate changing marital relationships. Some have found them whiny, but they sound like some of my girlfriends conversations and rang true to me. I think she is overly pessimistic. Some of us find a good balance with our mates and are truly happy(rather than resigned) with the results.

It is true that a sense of entitlement doesn't render this a truly representative book. Where are the Latino, African-American and immigrant birth experiences. If she thinks hers was bad, she has no idea how truly bad it can get! I once consoled a sobbing 19 year old at a health fair, who told me how her nurse and OB literally yelled, "shut up!" to her repeatedly when she asked questions during her birth. I was horrified at Wolf's indefensible comments on LaLecheLeague. I want to know what meeting she went to (I suspect she actually didn't go to one). I belong to the DC chapter and she had her first child when she lived/worked in DC and I tell you that we have never been "lactation facists" or unrealistic "milk missionaries" to the women who choose to come to our meetings.

The biggest problem I have with the book is her chapter on the "naturalists". She tells women that hospital courses are not adequate or honest (true) but does not tell women that there are literally thousands of independent childbirth education classes held in homes, community centers and yoga studios that do provide the information she seemed unable to locate before her traumatic first birth. Women can seek a Bradley Method (disclosure-I teach Bradley), Birthing From Within, Birthworks, or other natural childbirth class to get balanced viewpoints and better yet - referral lists of wonderful midwives and the (sadly too few and far between) supportive respectful OBs and hospitals. Just about all my OB-employing students switch to *independent* midwives (Joint OB/midwife practices can be a dicey form of window dressing that hides an uncomfortable birth reality. Be sure to ask if the midwives actually catch and how often.) midway through my 12 week class (that's right a weekender B&B cram session is not going to be enough because you need committment, education and time to navigate our scary birth culture in a way that suits your needs)

My final disappointment was that as a feminist she did not even touch on the fact that women are taking control/stepping out of the abusive system by engaging independent certified nurse midwives, lay midwives(professional, apprentice trained homebirth specialists legal in 17 states and deserving of legality in all others!!!!), having homebirths and even choosing unassisted births in ever increasing numbers. There is a womanist mothers' movement that is alive and well and she and her feminist-success-story (admittedly) privileged friends could have availed themselves of it had they dug a little deeper. This book was worth reading but, go read Immaculate Deception II, Spiritual Midwifery, The Thinking Woman's Guide to a Better Birth and the Birthlove.com website as well!

As a pregnant stay-at-home mother, I've experienced first-hand the extent to which society devalues motherhood and pregnancy. I therefore found the concept of Naomi Wolf's book, "Misconceptions," intriguing: Wolf purports to "show how the experience of becoming a mother ... [is] undersupported, sentimentalized, and even manipulated at women's expense." Sadly, the book's whiny, self-pitying tone and unrelenting negativity will undoubtedly alienate the people Wolf seeks to convince.
Let me start by saying that Wolf does make many valid points about the unsupportive and often negative way American society treats pregnant women and new mothers. For example, she rightly points out the stinginess of most employers when it comes to maternity leave; the unreasonable difficulty in determining important statistics like a hospital's rate of maternal death or percentage of patients who ultimately get C-sections; and the unwillingness of society to deal straight-on with the less romantic aspects of pregnancy and motherhood. And Wolf's critique of the patronizing "What to Expect When You're Expecting" (which is a minuscule portion of the book, but has received disproportionate emphasis in many reviews) is dead-on accurate.
Unfortunately, the important and thought-provoking parts of the book are far outweighed by the book's flaws: (1) for every one well-reasoned argument or analysis, there are at least two or three that are questionable or even plainly absurd. For example, is Wolf seriously suggesting that what a pregnant woman sees or does can somehow "imprint" on her unborn fetus? Consider her response to the morally ambiguous and extremely complex issue of selective termination: "What sort of violence might the surviving siblings remember in that place below memory?". In another case, she cites the statistic that women in "troubled" relationships have a much higher percentage of children with problems, in support of the proposition that a pregnant woman's "happiness" has a direct impact on her baby's health. Isn't it more likely that a woman without a supportive partner is less likely to receive adequate prenatal care, or is more likely to receive physical abuse from her partner or to resort to drugs or alcohol to deal with her problems? (2) The melodramatic and whiny tone that permeates the book. See, for example, this description of the ambivalence most pregnant women feel before the baby is born: "The maiden 'I' sometimes had to weep with the sure, coming death of the maiden-self, the self that could 'arise and go now' at will; the self that is not food for others but eats and drinks the world." Or Wolf's over-the-top, pages-long description of her labor experience (basically, she didn't like the hospital, had an epidural, and later, a C-section) - subsequently described as her "trauma" - that would make one believe the nurses shoved bamboo shoots under her fingernails for kicks (e.g. "What was left of me as a physical presence felt like a trapped, cornered animal"; "Drugged and pinned, that is what I remember of the birth"). Believe me, I am sympathetic to tough labor experiences - I pushed for 3 hours before my son was delivered by C-section - but the flowery adjectives, the ridiculous turns of phrase reflect an unending quest for melodrama, not to mention bad writing. (3) A related point - Wolf's wallowing in this self-imposed victimhood. For example, the angst that Wolf describes when encountering two cold and insensitive OB's is remarkable - but instead of moaning about how infantalized they made her feel, wouldn't it simply be more constructive to find a new doc and be done with it? Throughout the book, one senses this urgent need to feel victimized, even though by most objective standards, Wolf's experiences just weren't that bad. (4) Wolf's paranoia and suspicion of the medical profession, and American society in general, also undermine the effectiveness of her arguments. I wholeheartedly agree that women - pregnant or not - need to be educated and assertive health care consumers. And certainly there are many health care professionals who are not very good. But Wolf descends into a level of paranoia that makes one wonder how slanted her arguments are, how objective she truly can be in evaluating the system. (5) The unremittingly negative tone and focus of the book. Not because I don't wish to hear how [bad] society treats pregnant women and new moms - I've experienced (and still am experiencing!) that firsthand - but because it feels like Wolf has deliberately chosen to dwell on the most extreme cases, the most unpleasant birth experiences, the most angst-ridden and neurotic emotions she felt while pregnant. She attacks so many aspects of motherhood and so many ideological viewpoints that I was left wondering what, if anything, is left. And by including so many anecdotes from friends and acquaintances that are overwhelmingly negative, one wonders if she has chosen not to hear the positive ones.
Perhaps the ultimate flaw in the book is the most ironic: on the one hand, Wolf criticizes society for its refusal to discuss the blood and guts of pregnancy and motherhood in favor of a sanitized, "Hallmark card" version, but at the same time obviously believes that this idyll exists and that she was unjustly deprived of it. If you are interested in the subject matter, and wish to read a more sensible and convincing critique of the way America treats its mothers, you'd be better off reading Ann Crittendon's "The Price of Motherhood".

This is a very personal book about the author's first pregnancy experiences. It aims to prepare a woman to ask the really important questions about the kind of care her provider routinely dispenses. She informs about various risks of prenantal and delivery procedures.

What stays with me the most about this book was the way Naomi honestly tells about the emotions you feel when you are pregnant. I am barely going on my second trimester and I already feel the protectiveness of not only my fetus but all children, animals and their issues in general.

The topics in the book extend beyond advice and memoir regarding pregnancy to issues of infertility, women's health in general and comparative anthroplogy. It all leans toward a philosophy towards political activism which I beleive all citizens concerned with the welfare of children will embrace.

I very much related to and enjoyed parts of this book but it is quite heavy and geared toward pointing out the bad things about bearing a child and rasing it in our current society. Therefore it is hard to read all the way through when you are pregnant since you want to avoid feeling doomed or feeling that your child will be doomed in our society if things don't change FAST.

I picked up this book with great anticipation, after hearing that Naomi Wolf had just given a reading in Seattle. My midwife friend who attended the reading told me it was clear Wolf had a lot of anger, still, about her birth experiences. As a sociologist writing a book about the doula movement, (professional labor support), I was curious to see what Wolf could add to the volumes of social science research out there about the American way of birth. There is still work cut out for those of us who take all this for granted. I can only hope that this book will attract readers who will be inspired to do further research on their own, who would otherwise take the system as is, unquestioned.

I was disappointed that Naomi Wolf failed to cite more of the research that shows how skewed American obstetrics is toward pathologizing normal reproduction and protecting itself against a litigious consumer base. I was disappointed that Naomi chose (again) to represent her own upper middle class experience as the gauge against which our social treatment of reproduction and motherhood should be measured. And yet, her story shows that even women with resources and education are left blindsided by their transition to motherhood...

However, I was touched by the emotional voice that she shared--one which cried out for what should be (but really isn't) the right of every woman going through pregnancy and childbirth--unconditional emotional support, information geared toward her particular situation and effective advocacy at the birth itself. I felt the book did not go far enough in showing women the kinds of resources available for finding this, once the problem had been identified. There are many Internet parenting websites that contain a full spectrum of information regarding childbirth options. There are many doula organizations with information and referrals to labor support in every state in the country. There are compassionate mothers' groups and nursing support groups in most major cities. Unfortunately, a new mother often has to actively seek out this information and support, and recognize that she needs it. The status quo does indeed expect new mothers to accept far too much with too little authentic support for the transition they have experienced. If Wolf's book is taken seriously (and with the charges of 'whininess' that concerns me), and more women read it than would otherwise read the many wonderful, well researched scholarly books out there (by Sheila Kitzinger, Ann Oakley, Barbara Katz Rothman, Robbie Pfeufer Kahn, Robbie Davis-Floyd, Brigitte Jordan, Penny Armstrong), then it will have served a good purpose.

While Wolf mentioned doulas, or labor support, she failed to articulate that this professional niche is attempting to bridge the two worlds of high tech obstetrics and midwifery. Doulas put the birthing woman at the center of their care. Doulas inform and education women about their choices in childbirth (and in too few locations around the country do women have TRUE choices between ob/gyn, nurse-midwifery and licensed midwifery care). In the end, however, doulas accept the woman's choices as right for her, (including pain medication), and their stated goal is to unconditionally accept and support that woman and her partner throughout the birth. Wolf expected emotional support from her hospital care team (ob/CNM/nurses) and was surprised to find this lacking. Hiring a doula is one way a woman can be sure that she receives the emotional nurturing and reassurance necessary to an emotionally satistfied birth experience. Doulas take the pressure off the father to be the sole source of emotional support; they remember the childbirth class information that fathers forget; and they support the male partner as he also undergoes a transformation into father--something Wolf gives short shrift to in her book. Doulas may not be for everyone but good labor support should be. In the absence of true choices in childbirth, doulas offer the next best thing. While they are powerless to change the obstetrician's episiotomy or c-section rate or the nurses' gruff manner, they can provide an emotional shield for the woman undergoing what otherwise is a dehumanizing, frightening experience. Not perfect, but let's advocate for change, here.

My final comment has to do with the editing. I found it unacceptable that glaring errors occurred not once, but twice, in citing feminist sociologist PAULA England, who is referred to as 'Paul' in the text on page 257 and as PAT in the Index!! Her work is not even included in the selected bibliography. There were other typographical errors here and there which made me distrust the care and accuracy of the citations.

In short, disappointing for those of us who know this stuff and yet hopeful that it may reach audiences we obviously still need to reach.

I was instantly engrossed and disturbed when I began to read MISCONCEPTIONS. As a co-founder of the National Womens Health Network I couldn't but ask myself.....Have birth customs not become more patient-friendly over the past 30 years? Are mothers not getting a better break? Was all our effort, - for the passage of Title 9, for a patient's right to full disclosure and informed consent, for a mother's own option to select midwifery or natural childbirth ....or breast feeding ....all in vain?
At first glance it would seem that just about everything has changed. We wanted more women doctors and we got them. In 1971, women obstetrician/gynecologists were only 3% of the total.( Back then, when I asked the Director of ACOG, the ob/gyn organization, why there weren't more women, he replied, "It's a strenuous specialty. Few women have the stamina for it.") Today ob/gyn is rapidly converting to a female specialty. By 1999 , two out of every three doctors training for it were -- women..... We wanted fathers in the delivery room and, obviously, we got them too. (The old- fashioned obstetricians stood against it, -seriously- because "The men might faint and then we'd have two patients on our hands." )
Our daughters are no longer drugged, shaved, humiliated, isolated, and stuck up in stirrups as readily as in the old days, but as Naomi Wolf reveals in this, her fourth book, women have not , by any means, become true partners in their pregnancy and delivery decisions. They cannot become partners without full disclosure of the pros and cons of every option, and this, Wolf demonstrates, is frequently - and deliberately- withheld. While 21st-century medicine claims to accept and honor "informed consent" many obstetricians still serve up obfuscation, false assurances ("Would I give you anything that would harm you?") and withholding of the bare facts and safety statistics on" iffy" interventions. Wolf makes a persuasive and harrowing case that the scandalous increase in C-sections ,-up from 6% in 1971 to as much as 25% or higher today,- is "part of a complexly negotiated minefild of litigation, politics, vested interest, money, and who holds the power in the delivery room." Wolf shows how ridiculously difficult it can be for a patient who is C-section wary to get simple statistics on the comparative rates for the various obstetricians and medical centers in her community., .Wolf also reveals how hospitals deliberately speed up the birthing process to bolster their profits and minimize the possibilities for malpractice litigation, sometimes placing these values above the genuine interests of mothers and babies. For all our high-tech, high-priced interventions, the United States remains twenty -third internationally in infant mortality and twenty -first in maternal deaths. Wolf also casts an investigative eye on prenatal screening , routine epidurals, episiotomies, needless forceps intervention.- all which may needlessly "spoil " the mother's experience of pregnancy and birth. Wolf herself underwent the emotional pain of a false positive on her AFP test, which screens for birth defects such as spina bifida. She writes of the frustration she experienced trying to garner empirical information about various pre-natal tests. "I was slowly getting angry as well as feeling humiliated and diminished. Not only was she (the doctor) dismissing my questions without addressing them, she seemed to be dismissing my right to ask."
The expectant mother's right to ask, -and to know -the true benefits and risks of all the tests and procedures that are plied on her, and to decide for herself what type of birth she prefers- continues to be trampled on by modern obstetricians - whether by their own preference ,or because of the hidden agendas and self-protecting regs laid down by hospital legal and fiscal departments, as well as health insurers. .Furthermore, as Wolf documents, some obstetrics practices and some hospitals deceptively use midwives as "window dressing" - such midwives are rarely granted the authority to use their own time-tested judgements and techniques. MISCONCEPTIONS will be controversial.. Plenty of women would just as soon "let doctor do the worrying for them.," and cannot understand why others disagree. Such women would probably say to Naomi Wolf, "What are you complaining about.? You had a healthy baby." Others criticize this book because they think it's old hat. Long ago, they may have read Suzanne Arm's IMMACULATE DECEPTION, or Jessica Mitford's THE AMERICAN WAY OF BIRTH. Wolf acknowledges the splendid shoulders on which she stands, but critiques on the practice and politics of obstetrics get dated. Customs change, technologies change, so do insurance standards.... And so, indeed, do marriage roles. MISCONCEPTIONS deals brilliantly with the related issue of how the birth of a child is apt to tip the gender balance in a two-career marriage.

I found Wolf's book to be helpful and thoughtful, if not always extremely well written. This book is a guide to remind women of what they're getting into. It's not all happy sunshine as portrayed by some other texts.
It does remind women that they do have to fight for their rights as patients, since pregnancy is treated as a disease. People need to be reminded that their medical care is in their hands. This may seem obvious to some, but you cannot allow the doctors to dictate your medical care. It's a joint venture, not just in pregnancy but with any medical intervention.
Others have criticized it as being obvious or weak. Not all of us were raised with children in our lives. Some people do need to be told what to expect. Reading this book is like reading someone's diary: you get her individual experiences. It's not supposed to be a textbook, but a guide. And it guides very well.
The book will not be exactly right for everyone (which one is?). But I do recommend that people read this book to cover their bases. No one knows everthing about pregnancy and childbirth.

I picked this book up with great excitement. Naomi Wolf may be seen as the acceptable face of feminism, but I thought that could only be a good thing when tackling the hideously intervention-oriented American mainstream birth system. WRONG - unless you're a clueless, self centred upper middle-clas woman without the ovaries to really take on the system. Wolf had a typical unecessary C-section and got angry. She learned a lot about cascading interventions and alternate birthing models, got to interview the likes of Ina May Gaskin - and then had another C-section. No truly convincing explanation is given in either case and it's very tempting to assume that Wolf doesn't want her readers to know either. The obfuscated explanations she gives are so full of holes you could drive a truck through them. Yet with all the apparent knowledge and research within her grasp, Wolf still has the temerity to bleat "I will never know if the section saved my babies' lives, and on the chance they did, my husband and I must be grateful". Oh, baloney!

It's also hard to forgive the author who in one breath acknowledges the vast amount of research over the past decade that has proved breastfeeding is not only essential to a baby's wellbeing but has important health ramifications throughout later life, but in the next breath describes the La Leche League as "lactation fascists".

There's not an iota of information in this book that you can't find in a thousand places on the internet, far better expressed by women who have learnt some savage lessons at the hands of modern obstetrics and changed their lives as a result. Women who have had the courage to confront the mainstream and support other women in making safer natural choices, against often fierce opposition. Not Wolf. She's (seriously!) more concerned with how nice the obstetrician will be to her) and seems to believe that questioning epidural and C-section rates is somehow radically daring of her.

She is similarly struck by the experience of being a new mother and how much it impacts on her and her 30-ish professional friends. Hello?? Men don't share parenting equally?? You don't say so!!

"Misconceptions" falls awkwardly between two chairs - as a personal pregnancy and mothering memoir it might just have worked. As an expose, it would have been better with more accurate and meaningful research. But Wolf seems to imagine that her experiences have some sort of magic resonance for the rest of us and that she and her friends are a valid prism for the experiences of women everywhere.

Mainstream obstetrics desperately needs to be thoroughly exposed and criticised for the way it treats women, and Western cultures need to respect motherhood and breastfeeding far more than they do. A fiery, passionate, impeccably researched book aimed at middle America could do much to galvanise popular opinion. What a shame this one falls so far short.

I'm shocked at how little Naomi felt she knew about pregnancy and birth. I had my first of two sons when I was 18 years old. I turned to numerous resources to educate myself about nutrition, common occurances, word definitions, the birth experience, et cetera. What I experienced (a trouble-free, non-medicated, hospital birth) actually surprised me only in that I thought it would be much worse. I do have to acknowledge that her birth experience was nightmarish. As I read it, I did feel a sense of horror at the way she was treated.
Naomi appears to have a lot to say, but in the end she's running in circles with no real conclusions (as if there are any in the U.S.), and no extensive insight. She is talking from her personal experience (thirty-something, married, well-educated, good household income, etc.) I know in her Afterword she attempts to address and/or defend the limited scope of her book. I can talk about my own experience, and have, but I expect more from a writer such as she.
I could not relate to her experience on some levels: For example: Many of us do not have the luxury of staying at home, nor do we have the luxury of taking leave when we have children--or for that matter not putting our children in daycare. I went back to work/college two weeks after I had my son. I exclusively nursed, pumped, took him to daycare with me (worked at a care center) and did not complain, because it was something I had to do and I accepted it. I just feel like, in comparison to many women, she has little to complain about. Sorry lil' girl, but this is not a huge revelation to many of us.--There are many other arguments I disagree with--but there are some points in the book I do agree with. These include the dismissive nature doctors have about postpartum depression. I had a severe case with my second son and I felt too embarrassed, too afraid I would be considered unfit if I told my care-provider. When I did, I got a bottle of Celexa and was sent on my way. This, I might add, helped nothing. I also agree with her description of the hospital experience--I compare mine with my sister's experience. I thought my doctor would be there much of the time, coaching me on, being my advocate. Oh, so not true. In my two birthing experiences, nothing could be further from the truth.--And when Naomi mentions in her book about going to dr. appts. and being told that the doctor would be back in a few minutes, I could totally relate. I had no idea that the doctor would come when summoned by the nurses, just moments before the head crowned, then w/o telling me he would cut me open, sew me up, and be done in time for dinner. In comparison, my sister had midwives with her two girls. Her experience was so much more comfortable, so beautiful, and not sterile.
I also agree with the way in which your relationship with your spouse may suffer. I too, felt bitter at times, I felt as if I took on all responsibility as far as feeding, changing, and waking up late at night. What I discovered is this: Make him do it! Make your spouse do what you want him to do. After a time, I refused to change a diaper--I asked my husband to do it. I refused to cook dinner at times, and he learned to do it, I told him I needed time off--just to write or read and he would do it. We set in motion a plan that actually has worked. The women Naomi describes become complicit in the way the spouses treat them. They become bitter, as I did, but they do not set boundaries. I think this should be a point she may consider for a new Afterword. One more good point: read pp. 263-264. The last paragraph is especially powerful.
All in all, I believe this is an interesting read. I enjoyed the Mother's Manifesto at the end. My conclusion is this: Look at Sweden! My dad lives there--wish I did too. : ) In addition to this book I recommend The Mommy Myth--very good read also.

If you're pregnant and don't care if your ob/gyn pumps you full of meds and performs an episiotomy on you and/or a c-section in order to better fit your baby's birth into his busy schedule, then don't read this book. My wife is probably as far from being a rabid feminist as a person can be. But she does happen to have this wacky idea that giving birth ought to be something a woman can do without a whole lot of unnecessary medical interventions, if she wants to. My wife has given birth naturally to all 3 of our kids -- no problems whatsoever for either mom or babies. And every time she's had to fight off the ob/gyn's suggested interventions. Interventions she might not have been able to argue against had she not read Naomi's book and other resources and educated herself about the American medical establishment's typical ob/gyn practices. To blow off this book as a lot of feminist hooey is akin to plugging your ears, covering your eyes and ranting NA-NA-NA-NA-NA-NA...I CAN'T HEAR YOU! Read this book, get informed and then make up your own mind as to how you want to approach your own berthing experience.

This book raises some very important issues about the treatment of women during pregnancy and birth, the medical community and society at large. In particular it seems that many of the 'routine' procedures conducted during birth are more about making life easier for obstetricians than medical necessity or improving the experience for the woman giving birth and her baby.

Ms Wolf certainly does not sugar-coat these issues, and is at times quite alarmist in her presentation of them. This book left me, as a pregnant woman, feeling angry and distrustful of the medical system, and at first I wished I hadn't read it. I can understand why many previous reviewers have said that also. However, it has now been a couple of months since I read it, and on reflection I am glad I have the information and that I now know what to (possibly) expect of those providing my medical care. I feel that I know the types of questions to ask my doctor in order to at least try to have the best birth and recovery that I can.

In summary, this is probably not the most suitable book to read while pregnant as it may simply serve to worry and anger you. However, I believe the book raises important questions that deserve more attention than society currently gives them.