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Miss Manners Rescues Civilization: From Sexual Harassment, Frivolous Lawsuits, Dissing and Other Lapses in Civility

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A quick test: Your daughter is getting married and has all of the
household gadgets she needs. Would it be appropriate to enclosed
in the wedding invitations that she and her future husband want
to go to Hawaii for their honeymoon and that cash would be
appreciated?

What would you do if your child was invited to a friend's
birthday party and the invitation listed the gifts that would be
desired? What if your child couldn't go and his friend's mother
told him to drop by later on to drop off his gift?

Stuck so far? Here's an easier one: A colleague at work has a bad
habit of mooching the snacks that you bring for your own use.
Should you send him a note, along with a bag of goodies, telling
him that for his own good you will not share any more?

Less you think I'm making these up, all three problems are
covered in Judith Martin's latest book, Miss Manners Rescues
Civilization. We live today in a society that feels etiquette can
be dropped for common sense, a society that laughs at people who
worry which fork to use for their salad. But Miss Manners (her
column appears in a number of newspapers) disagrees.

One of the major problems in today's society is rudeness. You see
it on the streets, in the classroom, in the workplace, and even
in the home. Just telling people to show good manners isn't
enough, though; we have to specify what those manners are! And
just telling folks to do what makes them comfortable is an
invitation to disaster.

Thus if we remember the specific rule that invitations are sent
to people we want to share our happiness and are not indications
that we expect gifts, we can avoid quite a few headaches. High
school graduates, for example, don't have to worry that an
invitation to a friend will suggest they are asking for presents,
and receiving an invitation from a friend's child does not mean
you have to fork over. It merely means you are being asked to
share in their happiness.

You will probably find a number of your own pet peeves here: the
doctor who calls his 65-year-old patient "John" but who wants to
be called Dr. Jones himself, the nephew who hasn't sent a thank-
you note six months after you mailed a nice gift, and the sales
clerk who ignores you while she finishes her telephone
conversation with a friend.

You'll enjoy her examples and may even learn some manners!

Miss Manners presents the keys to a more gracious and civilized world, without the "slash-and-burn" style of other social commentators. Old-fashioned without being reactionary, Miss Manners is a role model for us all. Read Miss Manners--please.

Judith Martin, a.k.a. Miss Manners, will save civilization if anyone can. This book, like her column, is full of good sense and good humor -- and she's got the importance of etiquette just exactly right. Please read this book at once, and try to find a polite way to get everyone you know to read it too.

COULD BE RENAMED AS "HOW TO DEAL WITH SOCIAL SNAFUS" BOOK HAS SOME REALLY GOOD SUGGESTIONS.P.S. BOOK ARRIVED IN 4 DAYS AND IN VERY GOOD CONDITION.

In this, the age of trivializing the important things, and placing too much meaning on the trivial, we should thank our lucky stars that we have Miss Manners to help put things in the proper perspective. This book will clarify what the proper and effective responses to so many of our daily dilemmas are. From racism to place-settings, she knows all. Her aim is to make the world more civilized, as you might have guessed, and she makes no bones about it. The best thing is, that for even the most dire , "I-cannot-believe-you-would-dare.." situations, she has a gracious solution. She is not ignorant of the real world, as many would have those with manners believe they are, and realizes that there are problems- she also realizes, however, that there are solutions, and that those solutions do not involve weaponry. I must also recommend all of her other books, on manners, as well as her fiction.

As I stated in my review in Booktalk, the newsletter for Independent Bookstore Sam Weller's in Salt Lake, this book should be required reading for everyone. In the age of taking instant affront, and yet not yeilding to the possibility of one's own actions leading to the affront-taking of others, it is time for someone to say, "Relax, for crying out loud", which Miss Manners does in her own genteel and sensible way. If we could just learn to accept that politeness and manners for their own sake does actually lead to a more civilized, and less dangerous, world, we would all be better off. Far from preaching, Miss Manners lays it all out very clearly- and shows why it just MAKES SENSE to treat each other with respect, and to relax enough to believe that someone else just might be doing something (such as, say, holding a door open (regardless of the sexes involved)) as a show of respect, not as a claim to superiority. Everything is covered, from the most trivi! al (yet so much more often blown out of proportion), to the most serious (yet so much more often trivialized). Please read it.

Judith Martin is self-assured, gentle, and almost always right, even on the most emotionally-wrought subjects (flag-burning, date-rape, and the ever distressing fork-use issue). Best of all, she is a brilliant writer, with a clear, wry, and unashamedly intelligent voice.

This book offers a philosophical, as well as a practical treatment of etiquette in a time when the law has taken over much of what used to be etiquette's realm--by her convincing argument, to no-one's benefit. Perhaps the only known example of a socially charming libertarian, she calmly notes that the *right* to do something doesn't mean it's acceptable, and that our society's penchant for outlawing rude behavior may be causing fatal confusion on this point.

While it is tempting to read only to be shocked and amused by accounts of how terribly behaved other people are, there are lessons there for all of us... yes, even me.