Customer Reviews

The Modern Gentleman: A Guide to Essential Manners, Savvy and Vice

5 star:		(41)
4 star:		(9)
3 star:		(6)
2 star:		(9)
1 star:		(13)

 

 

As a child there was a word of advice that was given to me that was said would enable me to traverse through any social class from its awesome heights to its darkest depths, and that was, "Manners maketh the man. A gentleman is defined as one who has basic good manners". If one genuinely respects the rights of others, is sensitive, and occasionally does a `good turn' for someone, offering the appropriate "please" and "thank you" when required, one is able to walk quite comfortably with kings and paupers. More often than not, though, basic good manners will get you far, but sometimes it's the little things, those tacit social codes in particular situations that one is unaware of that can make one feel awkward and ungentlemanly. But that's life.

The Modern Gentleman is essentially a guidebook about the very basics and a particular lifestyle - the authors. The vast majority of advice given in this book is vital `common sense', most of the guidance is tongue and cheek, delivered with advertising copy wit, word play and a glut of clichés, but some of their suggestions are useful for the urbane wannabe and can be applied immediately.

After a few pages of reading the text, it dawned on me that it's essentially written for young, twenty-something single men, who have finally arrived in the real world after college and it is time to shed their fraternity Neanderthal habits and grow up. In between the lines one can almost sense the author's telling their old acquaintances to shed their Sports Bar mentalities, buy cravats, smoking jackets, don English bowlers, and find the `Oscar Wildean dandy' that lies within us all. It's time to throw away Mettalica and Nine Inch Nails and develop a taste for Beethoven and Tchaikovsky. Everyone knows that jazz is the music of choice for the urbane man, and the authors give us a list of the basic artists to listen to in order to develop our gentleman ears. Let us not forget the all-essential silver flask in the breast pocket, to pull out and sip undisturbed in the empty elevator, in a gentlemanly fashion. (I'm afraid they lost me on that one. Flasks are for top-up drunks, not 21st century gentleman.)

Overall this little guide is a list of dos and don'ts about personal hygiene, what to read and what to drink, why it's not a good idea to burp at the table during a dinner party, and that the occasional facial at the local beautician is now socially acceptable and a perfect "me time" activity. For the young man "coming out", this book is an essential manual about lifestyle and manners. Though some of us do not aspire to be Wildean dandies, knowledge of a good red wine will not go astray.

I love to acquire useful lifestyle advice and have -until now- bothered only with the kind directed at my gender. Pure curiosity motivated me to glimpse at what "the other team" was getting. Hence the purchase of this not-so-little book.

I had expected the authors to stick to the obvious tenets of Gentlemen's Finishing School 101: regularly trim burgeoning nasal (and other personal) topiary, attend to itches IN PRIVATE, maintain eye contact with a lady's face, etc. I was fascinated and charmed to see the authors swashbuckle their way across a much wider swath of territory. The thoughtful advice proffered includes not pressuring a pregnant girlfriend for intimacy (or to take a particular course of action regarding the pregnancy) and refraining from ogling a dancer performing at an adjacent table in a "gentleman's club" without making a payment. (Truth be told, I had never, ever, realized that this type of establishment called for such enlightened etiquette. Then again, my venues of entertainment happen to be concert halls, but more of that later on in this review.) The authors also advise a best man to calm down the groom beset by pre-wedding jitters and to handle the latter's wallet for gratuities and checks. A truly considerate touch!

A part of a lifestyle guide is to navigate the delicate balance between honoring one's authentic self while developing grace and savoir-faire. In this regard, I was really irked to see the readers being advised to fake an interest in classical music. To quote directly from the source; "Below are eight must -haves that, like answers to $800 and $1000 Jeopardy questions will show off your musical breadth." Investigating new cultural avenues is laudable. However, faking an interest to impress others is deplorably sophomoric.

In the same vein, cutting through the thicket of excessive verbiage in the book is exhausting. Isn't clobberring others with one's erudition at odds with projecting a subtly sophisticated aura of "to the manner born"? I always had the impression that trying too hard was the most distinctive mark of the poseur.

Now for the downright questionable advice. The authors devote far too much space to the topic of alcoholic libations. The sub topics covered on this matter even include the machinations of transporting it in a flask (to be secretly sipped, for instance, at the house of a girlfriend's stuffy parents). The authors also blithely encourage lying to a lover about the number of previous sexual partners.

The book has potential to be a great graduation gift to a young man ... once the authors and their editors take some quiet hours (minus their flasks) to re-think their ideals and to rewrite the book in a more accessible lingo.

This book was basically what I was expected. There are a lot of good pointers, yet most of them are common sense ideals.

There are some useful tips, though, such as which liquors are best for use with a flask. But, for the most part, the information given is what a gentleman would do in the normal course of things.

The book is quite comprehensive, covering countless situations in which a gentleman may eventually find himself. The book is well-written and makes for a moderately entertaining read.

In writing this I am dumbfounded by what the author(s) think is appropriate for a "Modern Gentleman." Ascots. Wear an ascot to anything but a day wedding and expect to be ridiculed for the affected fop you are, and didn't anyone point out to them that the only guys that can consistently pull them off these days are aging movie stars trying to hide their turkey necks? Flasks. Carry a flask in today's world and be prepared to get to know security personnel by their first name as well as the exact shade of off-white of your HR department's walls after returning from lunch, not to mention having your date refuse to take your future calls because she thinks you're an alcohol-soaked sot. Horns. "Toot" your horn to show appreciation for what your passengers are doing and become a road-rage victim because you almost caused an accident. Replace that copy of "Being and Nothingness" on your nightstand with a Dr. Suess book and open yourself to a whole host of uncomfortble questions. Really, where did they get this stuff? Not to say that they're aren't some good things in it. The overview of Jazz is good, in a post-modern sense, as are the ones of modern lit and classical music, but what's missing is glaring. Poetry. Where's the poetry? How 'bout philosophy? Opera rates a sidebar, even though it's the highest form of the musical art and social scene. There is nothing about dancing, which is probably THE most important social skill a gentleman can aquire. I know, they can't cover everything, but in trying the author(s) do their readers a dis-service. Entertaining and seating is right out of Baldridge, but where's the meat carving, (again, an essential social skill)? And what about hats? The authors have bought into the wrong view that ball caps can be worn just about anywhere. Didn't they have mothers telling them to take their hats off indoors when they grew up? One of the big critiques of etiquette books is that they are common sense, but those that level such charges forget that the primary consumer of such tomes should be people who need it, and are lacking in, in this case, "essential manners." However, this book is less about essential manners than a proposed lifesytle, and in the end after reading this I could not help but wonder how much of it the author(s) just made up. Like the poet said: truly, this is stupid stuff.

This book has the kind of beautiful design and snappy title that made me think, this'll be a great gift for my friend, somewhere in between funny and useful. But then when I started flipping through it, I couldn't stop and kept going from hilarious topic to hilarious topic. Authors Mollod and Tesauro sound like the kind of guys who are well-mannered enough to pass the "meet the parents or the boss" test yet would throw the kind of wild party you'd remember for years--not a bad team to give advice. Under the topics Emily Post might not cover are: condom etiquette, gentlemanly use of hallucinogenic substances, and "Fonzarelli Moves," plus witty words on gentleman standards: business attire, correspondence (including E-mail), and apologies. Portions of the book include charming drawings of drinks that match the topic at hand (ex: in the Office Romance section we learn how to make Temptation.) This book rocks. Very hip AND very useful.

The table of content of this book fooled me. It looked serious business, the real Gentleman act: entertaining (etiquette), appearance & style, gentleman knowledge (literature, classical music, jazz,),vices (the ethics of alchool, beyond tonic, golf, card playing), trouble (dealing with girlfriends, office romance). However, it was all a very sad joke. Do not buy this book if you are in your mid twenties or older and have the serious goal of becoming more sophisticated, worldy, commanding, knowledgeable and at ease in any circunstance from life in a corporation to art gallery openings with beautiful women. Do not buy this book if you admire Ian Fleming (007)'s concept of a gentleman that knows all about wines, suits, entertaining, cigars, luxury items, literature, art, etc. Do not buy this book if you want to be a dandy GQ magazine British edition type. But by all means do buy this book if you want to laught out loud about what some too old frat boys think a Gentleman is. According to this book a gentleman does not communicate clearly and effectively, their language is so pompous and convuluted that it makes you dizzy. Regarding wine knowledge, when the ideal gentleman described in this book has a disagreement with his supervisor at work in an early morning meeting he will go hide into the bathroom of the office to sip alchool, anything will do as long as it is concentrated enough to have some power in a small flask. This "modern gentleman" will also hide in the bathroom of his fiancee's parents to sip alchool (I am not kidding! They actually recommend all this). The modern Gentleman will also often and in many occasions use profanity & vulgarity - with words and fingers - to proove that he is indeed a Gentleman. Again, I am not kidding and, apparently, neither are the authors. Regarding literature and art, this gentleman will know nothing about any classic or general culture, but he will have read a few extremely obscure authors (probably friends of the authors). They also recommend crashing into all sorts of private cerimonies of people who don't know you and have not invited you. On and On On. Net, it's all very sad really. I fear for men who are young enough or stupid enough to believe this advice. Soon, they will be fired because of alchool breath and will go on cursing underneath a homeless bridge. Also, when they are not cursing, no woman will be impressed with what they have to say because all they know are obscure authors that no woman has ever heard of in English class or book clubs.

As a tongue-in-cheek guide to the modern man, Mollod and Tesauro make a light hearted attempt to guide the reader to higher social levels. However, this book falls short of the "quintessential how-to-be-a-gentleman guide." In truth, many aspects of the book were well written. The tipping section was enlightening (although I usually tip more than what is suggested) and the chapters on group dynamics actually work! The wine and book lists look intriguing and may prove to be worth the text's full retail price. However, there are other aspects of Modern Gentleman that are off-base, unrealistic, or simply "ungentlemanly-like." Take, for example, the authors' suggestion to have an impromptu food fight in the local late-night diner. Suggestions resembling these are childish at best; grotesquely improper in the worst. Furthermore, there are whole chapters devoted to deviant sexual practices, etiquette on drug paraphernalia and a gambler's guide seemingly written by one who has never gambled. In addition, mottled throughout the text are sadomasochistic dribble, sexual and homosexual innuendo, and vocabulary that you need The Unabridged Oxford Dictionary to decipher. The authors attempt to transform the average Joe, having him don the transparent guise of Modern Gentleman. Unfortunately, the Modern Gentleman portrayed is the fraternity lad who will not give up his college days for the sophistication of mature adulthood.

In conclusion, the authors describe the modern gentleman as someone who has the base attributes of a James Bond or a Fred Astaire, with plentiful helpings of Oscar Wilde, John Belushi, and the Marquis de Sade. If this is your idea of the modern gentleman, this book is your bible! Otherwise, still an entertaining read obtained from the discount rack or local library.

The Modern Gentleman is a fun book, and offers lots of info and insights. I learned how to behave in diners (loud fun is OK); how to behave in strip clubs (don't be crude); and the best ways to sneak in (and out of) parties without embarrassment. I found it refreshingly entertaining and definitely non-Metrosexual - a plus! It's well worth your 10 bucks, and offers lots of tips and short, well written essays on a wide variety of topics on male behavior.

If Jay Gatsby came back from the fictional grave, showed up at my doorstep and inquired as to how he should conduct himself in the modern world, I would direct him to Phineas Mollod and Jason Tesauro's guide to contemporary manhood, "The Modern Gentleman". Within its irresistable pages he would find everything he needed to know about surviving the age through witty and pragmatic advice on everything from e-mail etiquette, intra-office romance tips and acceptable sexual fetishes to recommended bumper sticker quantities and invaluable advice on wine selections, intoxicant indulgences and the use of profanity.There's a gentleman's reading list, a guide to courtship and marital bliss as well as tips on incorporating pornography into the healthy relationship. Even if you're not expecting a visit from old Gatsby this holiday season, I'd recommend "The Modern Gentleman" be added to your gift list for the recent post graduate or man in need of a little prudence. Mollod and Tesauro have penned a fun, noteworthy manual to be savored upon first read and referred to often.

This is the nightstand tome of choice for me. I read the reviews below and bought it because I'm a modern gent, not a perfect gent. Sure, the vice and prose might be a bit too advanced for most readers, but isn't that the idea...to stand out from the unremarkable masses?

It's very funny--I mean laugh out loud funny--and yet there are also insights you'll not find anywhere else. Notes on jukeboxes, entrances & exits, condom etiquette, and ethically dating two women at once are indespensible. The lists of seminal jazz albums and first rate modern fiction are worth the price alone.

I dog-earred my own paperback, but prefer the hardcover when gifting to pals...especially clever ladies. Unequivocally recommended.