Customer Reviews

Modern Madame Butterfly

5 star:		(2)
4 star:		(0)
3 star:		(4)
2 star:		(0)
1 star:		(2)

 

 

All of the worst stereotypes of "western men" living in Japan are dragged out here and presented as fact. Other groups receive a good dose of vitriol as well, but the basic message of the book seems to be "Western men - culturally hegemonic barbarians who take whatever they want and respect nothing, Japanese women - naive, but scheming, floosies who want to snag a western man, but haven't really considered the repercussions, Western women - forgotten and maligned "real women" who are just too independent and mature for Western men to handle, and Japanese men, the misundersood 'diamonds in the rough,' who when given a proper chance, can far outshine their Western counterparts. In short, gross stereotyping and rampant male-bashing. It is unfortunate that Ma chose to write this book in this way, as there are a lot of Japanese-Western relationships that could have benefitted from accurate, complete information, and useful advice. The main message that I found in this book was that Japanese woman - Western man relationships are destined to fail because both sides are immature, unrealistic, selfish and superficial. The secondary message seemed to be that Japanese man - Western woman relationships were always mature, realistic, unselfish and very real. What claptrap! Don't waste your money! I hope eventually someone writes a good book on this subject, as this one definitely isn't.

As an American man who has been in a serious long-distance relationship with a Japanese woman for almost 5 years now, I found that this book helped me to understand a lot of things. I also, however, found the material to be somewhat dated. As a previous reviewer stated, I think that the book was somewhat unfair in its depictions of all parties involved in international relationships. I think this is a good resource for people in such a relationship, but that it should definately not be taken as a sole source. I think that the author had some pre-existing ideas and prejudices that she let shine through into her work, and the reader should keep this in mind while reading.

The author has some opinions and does not conseal it. Although author makes a few valid points, overall the information is inaccurate, very dated, mostly based on stereotypes. I agree with some of the other reviewers that this book has a negative stance towards Western men/Japanese women relationships and idolizes Japanese men/Western women relationships. Considering that most marriages between Japanese men/Western women end in divorce, this is certainly not based on fact. The reality is that Japanese men/Western women marriages have over double the divorce rate of Western men/Japanese women marriages. The author should have done more research in writting this book rather than basing on her personal opinions.

First off, let me say that I would have rated this book a 2.5 if Amazon had given me the opportunity. But alas, it's whole stars or nothing, so I rounded up.

I think most of the reviewers have been spot-on with this book. It's a real mixed bag. On the one hand, the author has done a vast amount of research and assembled a lot of interesting information about Japanese and Caucasian couples. It's really the first one I've seen of its kind. And in a number places, I found myself shaking my head in agreement with her analysis of the problems in these types of relationships. I wholeheartedly agree with her assesment that language is an extremely critical factor contributing to the success or failure of these couples (big surprise there). I found it humorous, though, just how many of the Japanese wives overstated their husbands' Japanese ability. According to the data in the book, half of the wives rated their husbands as "fluent", but only one of the husbands had passed the Level 1 Japanese Language Proficiency Test. Kind of makes you wonder what these women consider fluent to be fluent...

Nevertheless, she was right on that point. Where she went wrong, though, was in her one-sided representation of the US as a discriminatory hell for Japanese wives. She gave no airtime whatsoever to the much worse position Caucasian males are in in Japan, as part of the less than 1% racial minority. The US might not be perfectly integrated, but it's far closer to the ideal than Japan. By instead concentrating on the US, though, the author continues to vent her own frustrations (as an Asian in American). Her senseless attacks on white males as "Asiaphiles" is equally groundless.

My advice to readers: The book is worth the read, but take it with several helpings of salt.

As someone who has dating experience from when I was living in Japan, I think this book is wonderful. It was very relevant and the author's conclusions were logical and well-balanced. There is a whole lot more that could be said about the issue but I think this book represents the views that are nearly impossible to come by without hard-earned experience and are definitely under-represented but very important. The reality of the situation, its sort of a story of what really happens "after the honeymoon" in such relationships, in my opinion. It gives great scope to positive, negative and mixed experiences from international couples of varying cultural acclimation. A great read. I just ordered one myself after checking it out from the library.

The book of Karen Ma is one of the first that speaks about cross relationships between asian (japanese) and caucasian people.
I really appreciated the first part of the book that speaks about stereotypes that both japanese and caucasians have created on each other. Karen Ma starts from the myth of Madame Butterfly, created by Puccini, to explain us how, during the past century, the "stereotypes" of japanese woman has been reinforced. Unfortunately the image Western men has about japanese woman, and also the image that japanese woman has about wester man is not at all correct. The problem of the book is that is a little bit outdated (1996). During the last 7 years japan is changed so much, especially, women situation. We all saw the phenomenon of "ganguro", "yamamba", "ogyaru" that the book does not speak about. Anyway, I think, it is a good start point to try to understand japanese woman, how she has changed and evolved during the last century.
Another thing I appreciated about the book it is the fact to have a vision and an opinion from a point of view of an Asian.
About the case studies Karen Ma explained on the second part of the book, they seem to be a little bit outdated. That couples interviewed, especially that ones living in Japan, got married before or during 90's. For that reason do not take too seriuosly that experiences. Anyway, only one thing, emerged from that case studies, I completely agree. To understand better Japan, Japanese culture and Japanese woman, it is absolutely recommended to study hard japanese language.

One point which is clear in the book and hasn't been mentioned is the viewpoint the author starts with. I have many friends from Hong Kong and Japan. The view of Japanese women from Hong Kong is not altogether great, while there can be some idolising, many women from Hong Kong can be quite bitter about Japanese women as they view them as being too feminine and very much kept by their men. They often believe that Japanese women never work hard and their looks frequently reply on plastic surgery. I think the author has this mix of idolising Japanese women as well as envying them or looking down on them.

The Modern Madame Butterfly is a very informative book which teaches outsiders about Japanese women's plights and desires as they pertain to relationships with Westerners. I specifically encourage non-white Americans (i.e. African Americans and Asian Americans) to read this book if they have or ever had a relationship with a Japanese woman. This book helps ease the frustration and confusion encountered by non European Americans who have had sincere realtionships with Japanese women. Karen Ma has provided insight that most Americans could use in assessing their relationships with Japanese women. This book also provides the opportunity for non European Americans to assess and address how they are viewed by the Japanese people.