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What do I do when my son learns phrases in school that he's not allowed to say at home?
How do I teach my daughter caution but not fear?
How do I teach my daughter about gratitude when she believes she is entitled to a cell phone and a laptop and everything else that not only she wants, but that all of the kids around her already have?
Melissa Trevathan and Sissy Goff hear these types of questions and many other comments from parents on a daily basis in their counseling office and at ministry events. Today, more than ever before, we live in a culture that is at war against our parenting. Between the internet, the media, the sense of entitlement that kids are living with, the disrespect . . . it is almost too much. We often wish we could move back to Mayberry, where our biggest concern was who had set off the firecrackers in the neighbor's garage. While those aren't the issues most parents are facing today, Melissa and Sissy believe we can still raise children who value, well, values. They provide a clear and possible path back to cultivating children who have a sense of character and groundedness, who may not be as rampant across playgrounds and parks as they once were. They paint the picture of how to raise children with manners and kindness and with a healthy sense of fear and respect both for their world and the adults around them--and to do so without totally disengaging from the realities of today's world. In short, they believe it is still possible to instill vintage values in modern kids.
Modern Parents, Vintage Values talks about the specific issues facing kids today, helping parents to more fully understand the challenges being faced. Yet Melissa and Sissy don't stop there. They focus in on nine values that are foundational for the character development of children: kindness, integrity, manners, compassion, forgiveness, responsibility, gratitude, patience and confidence. Each chapter is broken down into a section for children and adolescents, and specific ways to foster the specific value for the particular age. Modern Parents, Vintage Values offers parents timeless truths that can break through the chaos of today's culture and instill these truly vintage and important values in kids.
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Melissa Trevathan, M.R.E. first became a youth director at the age of 16. Since that time, she has been a teacher, retreat leader, head of spiritual life at a private school in Nashville, and is now founder and Executive Director of Daystar Counseling Ministries that began in 1985. Melissa has spoken across the country, including teaching graduate courses in counseling adolescents and has been a guest on television and radio programs throughout the United States and in Canada. She coauthored The Back Door to Your Teen's Heart, Raising Girls, Mirrors and Maps, and Growing Up Without Getting Lost. She is a regular speaker at LifeWay's You and Your Girl events as well as a popular speaker for parents and kids of all ages.
Sissy Goff, M.Ed., LPC-MHSP has worked as the Director of Child and Adolescent Counseling and the Director of Summer Programs at Daystar since 1993. She also has been a guest on television and radio programs across the United States and in Canada. A sought after speaker to parents and girls of all ages, Sissy is also a regular speaker at LifeWay's You and Your Girl events. She has written for CCM Magazine, ParentLife magazine, and a variety of other periodicals. She and Melissa Trevathan coauthored The Back Door to Your Teen's Heart, Raising Girls, Mirrors and Maps, and Growing Up Without Getting Lost.
SISSY GOFF, M.ED., LPC-MHSP spends most of her days talking with girls and their families, with the help of her counseling assistant/pet therapist, Lucy the Havanese. She has worked as the Director of Child and Adolescent Counseling at Daystar Counseling Ministries in Nashville, Tennessee since 1993, with a Master's degree from Vanderbilt University. A sought-after speaker for parenting and teacher training events such as dotMOM, Lifeway Kids Conference, and Heart of the Child, Sissy has spoken to thousands of parents, teachers, and girls across the country. Sissy is the author of a Lifeway video parenting curriculum called Raising Boys and Girls, as well as six books including parenting titles, Intentional Parenting, which will be released by Thomas Nelson in March of 2013, The Back Door to Your Teen's Heart, Raising Girls, and Modern Parents, Vintage Values for parents, as well as Mirrors and Maps for 11-14 year-old girls and Growing Up Without Getting Lost for 15-19 year-old girls. Sissy is also a frequent guest and contributor to media shows and publications such as Moody Midday Connection and Living with Teenagers magazine.
Counselors Melissa Trevathan and Sissy Goff work in a counseling office of 8 professionals who see over 200 kids a week! They know what modern families are facing. They hear it every day. Despite the seemingly depressing environment, they still believe in the value of compassion, gratitude, kindness, patience, manners, integrity, responsibility and confidence. They believe there are timeless truths that every parent should remember while parenting today's modern kids (especially teens!)
The book is divided into 3 sections. In the first section, Melissa and Sissy share some scary stories of modern day issues facing the family. Whether a parent is walking with their teen through the valley of social media, peer pressure and lack of respect or they are trying to raise kids without the sense of entitlement, today's parents have a tough job.
There is hope: the second section addresses the vintage values that all parents hope to instill into their children. The best part about this section is they not only address how these values will look in children and teens, they also specify how to instill them into the specific ages! At the end of each chapter they take you on something they call "A Sunday Drive".
The final section called "Timeless Truths" introduces who enables parents to parent through the minefield of today's parenting environment. They answer those questions that haunt you. They bring home hope to the modern mom or dad.
I really enjoyed reading this book. It's not an easy-simple read. The information is meaty. Each chapter not only gives you a wealth of statistics, situations and results, they give you how-to information. The Sunday Drives are fun ideas to get you connected with your kids.... For example, the first Sunday Drive shares ideas for family fun without the cell phone, laptop, iPod, etc. You know...the good old fashioned family fun!
You need to take the time to read it, study it, pray about it, and implement it. I have spent the last two months reading this book. I am glad that I took the time to read it slowly. I would have missed some words of wisdom that have alleviated some fears that arose when my children reached those precious tween/teen years.
So, just what type of issues do they talk about?
Technology: Texting, Facebook. Skype. Twitter. Should your tween have a cell phone? Should they have a Facebook account? What about sexting? (OK, as a 30-something mom...I just don't get this one! And if I catch my tween/teen doing this, the phone is GOING BYE-BYE!) The world of gaming and how to understand it. (If that's possible.)
Safety: How to warn without scaring your children. No guarantees for mom and dad. If you are a helicopter mom or dad, this chapter will give you nightmares. Just sayin'. But...if you take a deep breath, listen to their words and realize that these are STATISTICS, you can rest a little easier at night.
Entitlement: "Everyone has one Mom." How to raise the kids without falling into the "giving them anything they want" trap.
Respect: Or should we say lack thereof? This doesn't just apply to kids. There are plenty of adults who could use some training on treating a person with respect.
Risky Behavior: Every parents nightmare: addiction. Whether it be sex, food, drugs, alchohol, self-abuse, abuse or power...every parent fears addiction getting control of their kids. They address this issue very well.
Emotions: Kids have immature nervous systems and brain. This means their world is filled with emotions, some good, some bad, mostly overwhelming. How to deal with those emotions. I appreciated the section on depression, something that my family has dealt with.
At the end of each Sunday Drive, they include a list of resources for further reading.
Overall, this is one of the more well-written books on parenting in today's world. I appreciate the first-hand accounts of issues facing today's families. Most importantly, Melissa and Sissy keep a focus on the one who helps us with parenting. They give you the reality, but they don't leave you without hope.
Overall, I give this book 5 stars! A must-read!Read more ›
Modern Parents, Vintage Values by Trevathan and Goff is an awesome book. I like how it is laid out, and you can browse through it to find what you are interested in and want to know more about. It is funny too how each topic; there is something I can relate to, something I was wondering about, something I wanted to learn more about. Far be it for me to tell anyone how to raise their own kids, so don't you dare tell me how to raise mine. But this book is not telling you how, it is a helpful guide, a source to go to when you are in need of guidance. I really enjoyed this book, and I did not think it would pertain to me at all, but it does!
This book is written for parents to guide children in a digital age. Ever feel like a parent feeling increasingly analog in a growing digital world? Ever feel hopeless about technology leaving you behind? What about the modern addictions, the fears of growing up in an adult world, the dangers of entitlement, and many more? Trevathan and Goff brings together a whole list of relevant modern issues that young children face. They explain clearly the six technological issues (cell phones, gaming, Internet, social media, chat, online communications), the need to move from entitlement to gratitude, the instilling of respect to learn to treat others the way we like to be treated ourselves, addictions (alcohol, drugs, sex, eating disorders, self-harm), emotions (anxiety, depression, low self-esteem, high stress, anger), and many more. Each issue comes with a list of do's and don'ts for parents, complete with a delightful "Sunday Drive" activities that the whole family can participate in.
Part Two goes into "Vintage Values" where the virtues are defined, exemplified, understood, and practiced. The nine virtues are kindness, compassion, forgiveness, gratitude, integrity, responsibility, patience, confidence, and manners. There is also an accompanying "Sunday Drive" on how to incorporate these values into the lives of the whole family. There is a helpful section with each chapter that deals specifically with obstacles surrounding the teaching of such values. This is important because very often, the virtues are a no-brainer, but the practice of it seems most challenging to implement.What is also helpful is the specific instructions given not just to parents, but also to children, teenagers, and older adults.
Part Three covers "timeless truths...." In "Take Heart," the authors begin to summarize the impact of the book they have written thus far, even self-convicting. They urge readers to look at their own lives as well as they stuff they accumulate. In other words, they remind us that kids are watching not just what we say but how we behave. In "Have Life," parents are urged to carve out time to be alone themselves. Parenting is hard work, but not always all the work. "Seek hope" is a reminder that hope does not disappoint, for God wants the best for us and for our children. Finally, "Give Love" encourages us not just to give and give, but to love unconditionally, love continually, and to love extravagantly.
My Thoughts =========== Will character be instilled just by the reading of this book? Maybe. What if the book is put into practice? Possibly. What if the book is prayed and practiced? Most definitely. Parenting is a strange thing. We can try our best, and sometimes it works, other times it does not work. Children grows all the time. Adults too. Parenting techniques have to keep up with the different phases of growth. Parenting is challenging. It is always heart-breaking at times. Yet, I am reminded too, that it is better to have tried and failed, than not to try at all. Trevathan and Goff has given us a really helpful manual for parenting children in a modern world. They have brought into focus very important timeless values. At the same time, they have incorporated hope using biblical ideas to help us to achieve that.
I like this book for its clarity and a no-holds barred addressing the challenging issues of our time. Though the peripheral package of issues are changing, (like technology, types of addictions, external devices, etc), the core behavioural matters are similar. The values and the virtues of good faith have to be inculcated and taught rather than assumed. This book enables parents to do just that. Perhaps, the authors will also prepare a supplement for this book, like a teen version. That will enable both parents and children to read and to understand the issues on the same page. If the book can cause parents and children to start talking, that is already worth the price of the book.
Rating: 4.5 stars of 5.
conrade This book is provided to me free by B&H Publishing and NetGalley without any obligation for a positive review. All opinions offered above are mine unless otherwise stated or implied.Read more ›
And since we have no common sense a book like this can come in very handy. I am not trying to put anyone down, I'm sure I suffer from a lack of common sense myself, but the lack of people able to parent their children these days is abominable.
But how are they supposed to know what to do? So many who are parents now were raised in families where both parents have worked and the children were raised in daycare and school instead of at home. Again, I'm not coming down on people, I'm just stating the reality of our society at this time. So, essentially, if parents didn't "parent" you, how are you to know how to deal with your own children? Modern Parents, Vintage Values steps in to help parents understand issues children are facing today and how to deal with it as a Parent.
Melissa Trevathan, M.R.E. and Sissy Goff, M.Ed., LPC-MHSP, counselors at Daystar Counseling Ministries, sound like they have pretty much heard and seen it all in regards to children and their parents. Using the experience they have gleaned over the years, they offer parents practical, though not always easy, advice on how to deal with modern problems every family will face. Values are encouraged, such as kindness, gratitude, integrity, and many more while also dealing with the entitlement issue so many people seem to have. This is a great resource for all of us raising children these days.
I received this book free of charge from B&H Publishing Group through NetGalley in exchange for an honest review.
