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Modesty: An Adornment for Life

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I am an Orthodox Jewish woman who attends only synagogues with mechitza (the divider between the sexes in traditional synagogues), and who dresses in a manner which fits in most Orthodox communities.

Many reviewers of this book seem to approach it with an assumption that as strict as it is, this book represents the Orthodox view. In fact, there is a spectrum of views about modesty; Rabbi Falk's book is at the far extreme, and in my opinion it gives modesty a bad reputation.

The best book about modesty in Jewish law is The Modest Way (Hatznia Lechet) by Rabbi Getsel Elyakim Ellinson, volume 2 of the Women and the Mitzvot series, which quotes the Jewish law relevant to each area of modesty and shows its evolution over time from the Bible to modern day decisors of Jewish law.

This book is a very thick compendium of the strictest modesty customs of Charedi (Ultra Orthodox) Judaism. It is a terrific resource for those who want to discover the modesty regulations which increasingly many Charedi Jews believe are incumbent upon women. The book includes a myriad of specific details, such as the minimum allowable difference between skirt circumference and body circumference, which are not based in traditional legal codes because legal codes do not deal in such matters; presumably Rabbi Falk has some reason to believe that G-d intends us to use a tape measure in determining how to walk modestly before Him, but Rabbi Falk does not reveal these reasons to his readership.

Some very strict books which describe customs are useful because they describe the prevalent custom of a community, but this book does not do even that, since it is stricter than Charedi women's customary modest dress. The supplementary pamphlet to the book includes a letter from an impoverished Charedi woman who lost nearly her entire wardrobe to the book's strictures; out of her entire modest wardrobe, she was left with just one outfit. The letter was included despite its implicit indictment of R Falk's book because her story has a happy ending: despite her lack of funds, she was able to get more clothes, which she took to imply divine approval of her closet culling.

I find this book to have no redeeming value, other than as an ominous sign of the growing distance between Jews.

Naturally many readers will assume I'll get Gehonim for having the audacity to criticize a book written by an Orthodox Rabbi on such a necessary topic. The presumption is that a Rabbi wrote it, and therefore, it has to be applauded as an instant classic on the subject.

Well, sorry to disappoint the literati of the Orthodox world, but life just ain't so simple. My first thought about this book was its exhaustive length...700+ pages- on Tznius? What could take up so much space? Who has the time to read this tripe? The answer is almost no one, except for those who have too much free time on their hands. And those who are wishing for a one way ticket away from normalcy.

This book should be subtitled " 48 Ways to Psychosis and Paranoia- Jewish Style". Every possible stringency regarding "modesty" is portrayed as an absolute requirement for the average Jewish women possessing a heartbeat. Dress length- get out the tape measure. Stockings- they better be bullet proof lest they be considered "sheer". Nail polish- no way. Earrings that hang- are you kidding? They might reflect light into the eyes of a lascivious "man" and attract attention to a women's face, which will ultimately lead to illicit thoughts , which could lead to same behavior, which could lead to eternal damnation, which could lead to ....paying retail, G-d forbid.

R. Falk establishes minimum standards for modesty that are so extreme in and of themselves that they often cannot be supported by normal Halachic sources. He instead references arcane letters and proclamations from little known commentators, and infers proofs of his positions based on them. The end product is so extreme and demanding that it borders on the neurotic.

Why do Rabbi's often feel so driven to establish standards of observance that obliterate the notion that Torah is supposed to be "darchei noam" -" the way of pleasantness" ? I do not know, but the sad fact is that the Orthodox world is moving further and further to the right. Every day a new "chumrah" comes out that quite simply makes Jewish lift a lot more frustrating. At least to some of us.

As a non-Orthodox Jew looking to explore tzniut, or modesty, Rabbi Falk's book has been important for a full understanding of the traditional viewpoint of the halacha (religious law) of the mitzvah (commandment) of tzniut. Rabbi Falk is clearly a man of deep scholarship who believes firmly in improving the world through helping women understand how modesty can be a central part of their lives and why it is important that it should be. For his exhaustive book, he is is to be commended.

That being said, there is much in this book that is simply unacceptable to Jews who are not Orthodox. Most prominently is the tying of the keeping of the mitzvah to the health and wellbeing of others, i.e., the author ties women of a community not covering their hair or wearing skirts with slits leads to people in the community becoming ill or having accidents. This sort of magical cause-and-effect thinking is not a workable paradigm for many people. Moreover, Rabbi Falk's underlying attitudes about non-Jews and non-Orthodox Jews are disturbing in their inherent ethnocentrism.

For people like me, I would instead recommend reading "Inside/Outside" by Gila Manolson for an understanding of the underpinnings of the laws of tzniut and then further research with your own rabbi or one of your own Movement. Rather than

I was raised as n orthodox woman practicing all the laws of modesty. Rabbi Falk's book represents an extreme view on the laws and is not accepted among many Orthodox Rabbis. His cause-and-effect relationship, as another reviwer called it, between a woman's modesty and ill-fate is not a belief held by the Orthodox and is fundamentally sexist and offensive.

If you are interested in studying Jewish modesty, I strong recommend you do not use this book as your guide. Something less ethnocentric, more balanced and accurate would give you a better idea of the subject.

This is an excellent book on Tznius. However, it presents a very stringent viewpoint held in Gateshead, Uk. It varies from many other Orthodox communities. It presents a very clear halachic viewpoint on tznius of dress - necklines, hemlines, sheitels, teichels, etc. It is good to learn this book with others with more knowledge of your community minhagim (customs) to present to you a more balanced understanding of tznius. However, this book is a great reference for the Jewish woman's library

This book explains,essentially,what modesty is,the parts of life it encompasses,and how these attitudes are reflected in our actions.We see how conforming to the laws of modesty is connected to our attitudes. It is an excellent reference to the laws of modesty - very comprehensive,detailed and clear.

I see many others have criticized this sefer, saying it's "too chareidi". Im not sure what that is supposed to mean, but the author isnt making anything up here, and its definitely better than ignoring halacha in favor or popular opinion as many such books do. As for being sexist...I dont see how saying modesty > displaying yourself is sexist. Anyway, try it for yourself, I beleive you can find sample pages somewhere...it's really good for men and women.

This tells you everything you would want to know, and some things you probably didnt want to know but need to!!
Great reference and study guide!!
Everyone should have one!

I simply LOVE this book. I found it to be VERY informative and a MUST HAVE for every Jewish girl, women and yes, even MEN! Before reading this book I thought I knew what it meant to be Tznius, now I see I was not even close. I really like how Rabbi Falk gives much attention in educating children (both male and female) in the laws of Tznius and the challenges a person faces when they refuse to conform to modern ways.

................in a book like this one. And a woman doesn't have to be Jewish to make it work. Why on earth would a woman want to attract attention that is thoroughly damaging to her self respect? Dressing in a "tarty" manner does just that and lowers a woman in the eyes of men of value. When women dress modestly people look beyond their exterior and pay attention to the real person.