Mom, They're Teasing Me: Helping Your Child Solve Social Problems [Hardcover]

Michael Thompson (Author), Lawrence J. Cohen (Author)

Book Description

Publication Date: July 30, 2002

From the acclaimed authors of Best Friends, Worst Enemies, here is the perfect companion volume: a practical, how-to guide for parents to help their children navigate the sometimes harsh terrain of social life at school, on the playground, and in the neighborhood.

Almost everyone agrees (and remembers): Childhood can be a traumatic time. Kids frequently face peer rejection, name-calling, bullying, after-school fights, esteem-crushing cliques, and malicious exclusion by the popular kids. And parents often feel powerless to console their children. Now help is here. Mom, They’re Teasing Me is a specific, hands-on guide for concerned parents who want to give their children the tools they need to cope with social cruelty. Through vividly written case studies and a reader-friendly question-and-answer format, this compelling book shows parents what a child may confront with other children, and then offers concrete advice on handling each situation.

Mom, They’re Teasing Me deals in-depth with specific aspects of social cruelty: the four major types of children at risk for social isolation and their unique problems; the ordinary pain of those children not at risk—but who, nevertheless, cause their parents concern; and bad class dynamics in the school and neighborhood. Through thoughtful discussion and insightful suggestions, parents will discover

• The difference between real risk and normal social pain
• The appropriate time to intervene—and when to step back
• Tips on how to mediate between children—without appearing meddlesome
• Essential advice for parents who worry too much
• The importance of teaching and encouraging leadership
• The redemptive power of friendship

Mom, They’re Teasing Me answers key questions on the many manifestations of social cruelty, offers compelling descriptions of prime “teasing” scenarios, and illustrates how to counter them. It is an indispensable book for every involved parent who wants to make their child’s formative years rich and rewarding.

Editorial Reviews

From Library Journal

Childhood angst tends to torment parents as well as children and can erupt into the tragedy of school shootings. These books address such problems from fairly dissimilar perspectives. Psychologists Thompson (coauthor, Raising Cain) and Cohen (Playful Parenting) collaborate with journalist/ author Grace on a sensitive and straightforward advice manual that focuses on 40 key questions regarding the social life of children. Conversational and upbeat in tone, the book is divided into three sections designed to help readers distinguish "normal" social pain from more lasting trauma. The text covers friendship skills, tattletales, racial bigotry, bullying, and personal hygiene and also suggests techniques for building positive leadership and conflict-resolution skills. The issues addressed are drawn from actual questions raised during their workshop/consulting experience. The answers reflect cumulated wisdom about what matters in the life of children from grade school through adolescence, and the book as a whole similar to but more practical than Charlotte Giannetti's and Margaret Sagarese's recent Cliques. In contrast, Garbarino (human development, Cornell Univ.; Lost Boys) and de Lara, a researcher and family therapist, focus on the pathology of mainstream high school life in America. Based on interviews and discussions with rural and suburban students from "All-American" communities and published research, the book debunks myths about school safety and discusses multiple aspects of emotional violence in a school setting, including stalking, bullying, dysfunctional adaptations to harassment, and teacher violations. The authors exhibit an insightful understanding of school cliques (e.g., "hicks," jocks, and "Goths") but tend to be alarmist when depicting daily high school life. However, the research is impressive and generates many valuable suggestions for improving the school environment. The book concludes with resources and readings on bullying and violence prevention. Though Garbarino and de Lara's book is more focused on school management issues, both books are recommended for public library parenting collections. [Thompson's book was previewed in Prepub Alert, LJ 4/1/02.]-Antoinette Brinkman, M.L.S., Evansville, I.
--Antoinette Brinkman, M.L.S., Evansville, IN
Copyright 2002 Reed Business Information, Inc.

From Booklist

Thompson and Laurence Cohen use their experiences as parents and child psychologists to unravel the complex dynamics of social interactions among children. (The third coauthor is writer Catherine Grace.) They note that parents and teachers approach conflicts between children from their own biased perspectives--parents generally viewing their own children as innocent victims, teachers inclined to identify with the underdog or top dog, and both bringing childhood memories to their evaluations. This book is aimed at helping parents put things in perspective, learn about what children often don't reveal, and find the balance between agonizing over every slight and overlooking significant problems. The book is divided into three sections: normal social pain, children at risk, and school and neighborhood problems. Using research and case studies, Thompson and Cohen help parents deal with a range of social problems, including teasing, rejection, fights, bullying, and cruelty. Just as important, they help parents distinguish between the kind of social antagonisms that can traumatize a child and the kind that are just part of growing up. A valuable resource. Vanessa Bush
Copyright © American Library Association. All rights reserved

See all Editorial Reviews

Product Details

• Hardcover: 272 pages
• Publisher: Ballantine Books; 1 edition (July 30, 2002)
• Language: English
• ISBN-10: 0345450108
• ISBN-13: 978-0345450104
• Product Dimensions: 8.6 x 5.7 x 1 inches
• Shipping Weight: 14.2 ounces
• Average Customer Review: 4.0 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (3 customer reviews)
• Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #724,559 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

Customer Reviews

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

16 of 16 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars Answers so many questions a parent has, January 26, 2003

By 

Julia DeVillers (Columbus, OH) - See all my reviews

This review is from: Mom, They're Teasing Me: Helping Your Child Solve Social Problems (Hardcover)

I read this book over the weekend and have already sent out a mass email to parents I know telling them to read this book! This book succinctly and honestly answers questions that I'm always hearing on the "parent circuit." Not only about about teasing, but about all social skills, popularity, being ostracized, girls worrying they are fat-- you name it, it is probably addressed in this book. And the authors do a wonderful job of letting you know when you are worrying too much, or too little about an issue. A must read!

22 of 25 people found the following review helpful:

2.0 out of 5 stars Background Information; No Followthrough, December 13, 2004

By 

Margaret P. "mhp2027" (Boulder, CO USA) - See all my reviews

This review is from: Mom, They're Teasing Me: Helping Your Child Solve Social Problems (Hardcover)

This book is strong on background material and demonstrating why children are teased. "Mom They're Teasing Me" is chocked full of examples of children (usually with poor social skills) being teased. However, this book is weak on the issue most concerning anyone who would buy it. Specifically, the author does not offer advice on what to do if your child is being teased. Most of this book comes down to the following statement: children with poor social skills are teased. The authors's solution: read the book, "Helping the Child Who Doesn't Fit In." Personally, I think the author's premise is overly simplistic, but that other book does appear to be worth trying.

The bottom line is, when you've read this entire book, won't have an answer to "Mom, They're Teasing Me."

3 of 3 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars A very accurate account of what goes on in our schools, February 28, 2006

By 

A. Ter Tovmasyan "www.mindmending.com" - See all my reviews
(REAL NAME)   

This review is from: Mom, They're Teasing Me: Helping Your Child Solve Social Problems (Hardcover)

Bullies often succeed in convincing their victims that it's the victims' fault, that the abuse did not happen, or that it was done for the victims' benefit.

When nothing is done to help victimized children, they grow into adults that continue to blame themselves for everything that goes wrong around them.

This book accurately describes the kind of abuses that many children are still exposed to in our schools. The book will be of excellent help to those wishing to protect their children and students from bullies.

It will also enable those who care about children to withstand arguments from those who wish to turn a blind eye to the abuse that is happening outside of their backyards.

The book will also be helpful to adults that have themselves been bullied. Because the basic bullying tactics have not changed and because the book describes them so well, it validates the reality of the past abuse.

This validation is very helpful in resolving the emotional anguish that many adults, who have been abused as children, still carry.