Customer Reviews

Mommies, Daddies, Donors, Surrogates: Answering Tough Questions and Building Strong Families

5 star:		(2)
4 star:		(2)
3 star:		(1)
2 star:		(1)
1 star:		(2)

 

 

I'm not sure what the ambivalence, and negative reaction, of the previous reviewers was based on. Or what the more recent reviewer was actually looking for that didn't get resolved. I find this a very insightful book that presses parents and others to investigate the emotional issues they're likely to encounter over time as the parent of a donor-conceived child. Especially the very real emotional issues of a couple in which one might consider the other more "his" or "hers" based on biological ties; cultural beliefs that many of us grow up with that need to be addressed with donor-assisted conception. Certainly to think that these issues won't come up, or are better left undiscussed, does a disservice to the child and the couple (or single parent, which is discussed as well).

I agree that it's a wide-ranging book, which might seem a bit daunting at times, particularly for those looking for practical solutions rather than discussion. But since most clinics don't discuss many of these mental health concerns with clients, I think this is a highly valuable book that prospective parents can read in the privacy of their bedroom as they contemplate and consider the choices ahead.

As author of "Choosing Single Motherhood," I know many women make conscious choices about becoming a parent. I think the kind of issues raised in Ehrensaft's book are honest, real and important for anyone to keep in mind when pursuing parenthood in non-traditional ways.

I love this book. I'm reading it slowly to not miss a word. Of the DE books I read this is the first one I feel is non-judgemental, and so very reasonable.
I got it from the library (cautious by the reviews I read here) and am going to buy it just to keep it.
Reading this book is easing a lot of the stress I'm going through on this path. Once issues are named and identified they lose their ability to subliminally torment you. The book is respectful enough to leave it to the reader to look at things her/his own way, after helping in laying out the issues.
This book is written by a psychoanalyst and will be most enjoyed by people familiar with psychoanalysis.

I'm really confused by the previous reviewer who felt the author of this book is cruel to those of us who are dealing with infertility! This could not be more untrue!

I recommend this book very strongly. It is the one of the few books on the topic that talks about the full panoply of emotional issues faced by everyone involved in 3rd party assisted reproduction.

This is not a handbook to pursuing gamete donation or surrogacy. The book Having Your Baby Via Egg Donation covers that ground. This it is an in-depth discussion of an extremely complicated topic, written by a psychologist with extensive experience in this area.

I think this book is especially valuable for those of us who already have donor-gamete conceived children and are looking for guidance in the ongoing task of talking to our children out it.

Excellent practical advice. It really helped me get my head around the complexities of egg donation to create a family. I am in New Zealand and although some of the American references didn't apply, the issues are universal and addressed with a lot of care.

Nothing that great. The writing is very inclusive of EVERY situation, so it's gets a little confusing. You have to kind of pick through the stuff that applies to your situation...But when you do find the stuff that applies to you, it's pretty good stuff.

The author keeps repeating herself, drift to people stories and does not focus on the point in hand. It is easy to get lost and don't know what she trying to say.

If you've known the pain of infertility, Diane Ehrensaft's comments will hurt, infuriate, and insult you. I found this book in the library and was absolutely astonished that a publisher would allow such a hurtful book to be printed. She mocks men and women who use assisted reproduction to build their families, insinuating that there is a sexual component behind the joining of sperm and egg in a test tube. She implies that a woman who had to use donor eggs to have her children is doomed to feel uncontrollable envy that her husband is "doing it" - her words - with an egg donor that is likely younger, beautiful, athletic, and more intelligent. There is enough pain and shame associated with infertility. Diane Ehrensaft enjoys kicking people when they are down.

Indeed, Diane Ehrensaft appears to be obsessed with sex, hardly a page goes by without her making some lurid comment, going so far as to name the sub-chapter on using sperm donors, egg donors, or surrogates "The Affair". She implies that men and women whose partners could not contribute sperm, eggs, or womb should worry that the partner who did contribute is having sexual fantasies about the sperm donor, the egg donor, or the surrogate.

Assisted reproduction is a beautiful way to build a family. It is tragic that Diane Ehrensaft's sick, twisted, sex-obsessed views have been compiled and printed in a book. Avoid this book at all costs. There are other books you can buy that will give you the information you need. I can only guess that positive reviews were posted by friends of the author, because the remarks these people made indicate that they obviously haven't felt the pain of infertility. There's a special place in hell for people like Diane Ehrensaft.

This book does not seek to answer any questions because as far as the author is concerned she has all of the answers. Her agenda quickly becomes clear in the first chapter, and while she is entitled to her opinion, she should not misrepresent it as unbiased source of information. Additionally, I have never found a piece of writing more insensitive and plainly cruel to those of us who are reproductively challenged. Consequently, not only did the book not answer any of my questions or address my doubts, far from helping reach a resolution, it only kicked me while I was already down. I don't recommend this title to anyone facing fertility issues.