Mommy Guilt: Learn to Worry Less, Focus on What Matters Most, and Raise Happier Kids [Paperback]

Julie Bort (Author), Aviva Pflock (Author), Devra Renner (Author)

Book Description

Publication Date: April 8, 2005

"Parents today try too hard to be superhuman, often sacrificing their own well-being -- and relationships with friends, family, even their spouses -- to meet the ever-increasing demands of their children's lives. Of course, such efforts inevitably fall short, and parents blame themselves. Mommy Guilt encourages parents to let go of unobtainable (and ill-advised) goals in favor of parenting philosophies that concentrate on the whole family. This eye-opening book presents the results of an original, never-before-published nationwide survey of over 1,300 parents -- 96% of whom reported they felt guilty about some aspect of parenting. The most common include yelling, family time, work choices, school, and sports. Mommy Guilt offers straightforward principles for handling these and many other common issues -- as well as for dealing with everyday challenges that frequently add up to feelings of guilt. Through practical, tried-and-true tips, anecdotes, quizzes, and worksheets, Mommy Guilt illustrates how moms can fend off the guilt and focus on what really matters."

Editorial Reviews

Amazon.com Review

Mommy Guilt looks like it might be one of the new breed of literate mother essay books, the kind in which writers wittily divulge those moments in which they weren't, well, perfect moms. Rather than a collection of essays, Mommy Guilt is a self-help book that aims to guide the time-deprived and stressed mom into parenting with her heart rather than her children's soccer schedule. Some techniques – singing show tunes to your recalcitrant middle schooler, for instance – seem less likely than others, and the book finds its greatest successes in the more no-nonsense advice handed down by the three authors, all of whom have raised children of their own.

What makes Mommy Guiltinteresting on a social anthropology level is that it weaves in experiences of real moms who responded to the authors' survey on mothering issues at a range of age levels and situations. The survey questions are included in the back of the book, along with a helpful reference guide for situations ranging from how to handle tantrums in public to how to pick the right preschool. If the writing is sometimes precocious, its intent is to make mothers let go of the guilt that causes them to enjoy parenting less than they might otherwise, a sort of light-hearted literary jibe at how seriously moms can take the steady collection of dust bunnies and laundry piles over their children's (and their own) emotional well-being. One of the book's more unique features is a section on how to sustain a relationship with one's spouse, something that any parent, but particularly new or first-time parents, would find useful. – Megan Halverson

Review

Charlotte Parent: "...covers life’s most stressful parenting issues with a welcome sense of balance and humor. Moms will find loads of practical advice and strategies."

“…well written and well organized, includes an appropriate amount of humour, and is enjoyable to read.”

-- Journal of Association for Research on Mothering

“As a practical, ‘how-to’ guide, this book is very successful. It is well written and well organized, includes an appropriate amount of humor, and is enjoyable to read. One strength of the book is the inclusion of practical examples of ‘Mommy Guilt,’ alternative ways to think about them, and strategies to deal with them. I particularly like the authors’ use of a developmental approach throughout the book. This developmental approach not only assists parents in dealing with their current issues, but also provides them with a glimpse into the future when their coping strategies will need to change.”

Journal of Association for Research on Mothering

Volumes 9.1 and 10.2

See all Editorial Reviews

Product Details

• Reading level: Ages 17 and up
  
• Paperback: 256 pages
• Publisher: AMACOM (April 8, 2005)
• Language: English
• ISBN-10: 0814408702
• ISBN-13: 978-0814408704
• Product Dimensions: 9 x 6 x 0.8 inches
• Shipping Weight: 14.4 ounces (View shipping rates and policies)
• Average Customer Review: 4.7 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (16 customer reviews)
• Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #475,648 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

Customer Reviews

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

16 of 16 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars Every Mom should read this book, April 8, 2005

By 

Susan Lavelle "Susan Lavelle - Founder of Mox... (Boulder, CO.) - See all my reviews
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This review is from: Mommy Guilt: Learn to Worry Less, Focus on What Matters Most, and Raise Happier Kids (Paperback)

I found this book very useful with great tips on how to focus on what really matters. Also, it helped me realize my guilt feelings are normal and how I can deal with these feelings and make parenting more enjoyable. All moms should read this excellent book!

14 of 14 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars Ditch the guilt, keep the kids, April 7, 2005

By 

R. Gjendem - See all my reviews
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This review is from: Mommy Guilt: Learn to Worry Less, Focus on What Matters Most, and Raise Happier Kids (Paperback)

Finally, a book that doesn't judge, preach or presume to have all the answers. No "my way or the highway" attitude. No labels. No guilt!

It's simple, sane, subdued. It's the voice of reason and common sense from those in the trenches with us. The real-life examples come from the authors' lives or some of the 1,300 parents they surveyed. They show Mommy Guilt Scenarios (run late, get mad, yell at kids, feel guilty). Then they twist the lens just a hair and show Mommy Guilt-Free Scenarios (different ways to perceive and react that make more sense and less guilt). Simple. Powerful.

They list Seven Principles of the Mommy Guilt-Free Philosophy. The list looks like it should be cross-stitched, framed and hung in the kitchen next to the one about "sweeping and dusting can wait 'til tomorrow." Who really believes that? Well, they show how to apply each principle. The underlying message throughout is, "You are not alone. It's OK. You're doing a great job. Forgive yourself. Stop feeling guilty."

One mother said, "Although I love my son, I hate changing diapers. I hate giving baths. I hate messy meal times. Then I hate myself for hating these things." Does anyone really love cleaning shrapnel from poop bombs? Does anyone really love stinking like poop, pee and puke? I think not.

Here's the kicker: "The guilt trap frequently snaps shut when we second-guess ourselves." To me, this is worth the price of the book. Other things may speak to other readers, but this spoke to me. Second-guessing is what parenting guilt is all about for me.

Will this book make everything better? No. Will it make us stop yelling? Probably not. But it will show us how to better equip ourselves to handle things responsibly without being crippled by guilt.

17 of 18 people found the following review helpful:

4.0 out of 5 stars Great, sensible advice, March 30, 2005

By 

T. Content - See all my reviews
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This review is from: Mommy Guilt: Learn to Worry Less, Focus on What Matters Most, and Raise Happier Kids (Paperback)

I give this book four stars only because I'm so compulsive I can't give up ALL my guilt, which I feel guilty about--but this is an excellent starting point for ditching an emotion that wastes more energy than anything else. Parents are so apt to be caught in the moment--will my kid *ever* learn to tie her shoes--that we forget the big picture. This will help you frame your big picture, and very concretely--with exercises and charts etc. It also helps, while reading it, to remember George Carlin's childrearing advice: "Parents, do your kids a favor! Leave them the %**!# alone!!" Kids are not hothouse plants, and it's okay for them to realize they are not the center of the universe.