Customer Reviews

Mommy Guilt: Learn to Worry Less, Focus on What Matters Most, and Raise Happier Kids

5 star:		(13)
4 star:		(2)
3 star:		(0)
2 star:		(1)
1 star:		(0)

 

 

I found this book very useful with great tips on how to focus on what really matters. Also, it helped me realize my guilt feelings are normal and how I can deal with these feelings and make parenting more enjoyable. All moms should read this excellent book!

Finally, a book that doesn't judge, preach or presume to have all the answers. No "my way or the highway" attitude. No labels. No guilt!

It's simple, sane, subdued. It's the voice of reason and common sense from those in the trenches with us. The real-life examples come from the authors' lives or some of the 1,300 parents they surveyed. They show Mommy Guilt Scenarios (run late, get mad, yell at kids, feel guilty). Then they twist the lens just a hair and show Mommy Guilt-Free Scenarios (different ways to perceive and react that make more sense and less guilt). Simple. Powerful.

They list Seven Principles of the Mommy Guilt-Free Philosophy. The list looks like it should be cross-stitched, framed and hung in the kitchen next to the one about "sweeping and dusting can wait 'til tomorrow." Who really believes that? Well, they show how to apply each principle. The underlying message throughout is, "You are not alone. It's OK. You're doing a great job. Forgive yourself. Stop feeling guilty."

One mother said, "Although I love my son, I hate changing diapers. I hate giving baths. I hate messy meal times. Then I hate myself for hating these things." Does anyone really love cleaning shrapnel from poop bombs? Does anyone really love stinking like poop, pee and puke? I think not.

Here's the kicker: "The guilt trap frequently snaps shut when we second-guess ourselves." To me, this is worth the price of the book. Other things may speak to other readers, but this spoke to me. Second-guessing is what parenting guilt is all about for me.

Will this book make everything better? No. Will it make us stop yelling? Probably not. But it will show us how to better equip ourselves to handle things responsibly without being crippled by guilt.

I give this book four stars only because I'm so compulsive I can't give up ALL my guilt, which I feel guilty about--but this is an excellent starting point for ditching an emotion that wastes more energy than anything else. Parents are so apt to be caught in the moment--will my kid *ever* learn to tie her shoes--that we forget the big picture. This will help you frame your big picture, and very concretely--with exercises and charts etc. It also helps, while reading it, to remember George Carlin's childrearing advice: "Parents, do your kids a favor! Leave them the %**!# alone!!" Kids are not hothouse plants, and it's okay for them to realize they are not the center of the universe.

This is an excellent and practical resource for conscientious mothers who may be feeling pressured to perfection. In today's harried world, the women trying hardest to be a good mothers often end up overworked and overstressed. For moms who need to refocus their priorities to achieve balance, this book is invaluable.
~Susan Maltby
L.A. Parent Woman Wise columnist

I wish I'd read a book like this when I was a new mom. I could have saved myself a lot of grief -- and guilt! I still feel a teensy bit guilty thinking of all the energy I've wasted on guilty feelings in past years when I could have been enjoying parenthood so much more. But no longer! Mommy Guilt has taught me that I really am doing OK as a parent.

One of my favorite chapters is Chapter 8 "Guilt-Free Pleasure - Time with Your Spouse". It's something that is so important, and at the same time it is such a huge source of guilt for many moms. The "Wife Guilt-Free principles" in that chapter are in line with the "Mommy Guilt-free Principles" in the rest of the book and really get you thinking about what's good for your whole family, including you.

The authors have an easy style and a way of making you feel like you're just talking with a good friend over coffee. I also appreciated the humor sprinkled throughout. Mommy Guilt gives you support and reassurance, so you can really enjoy being a parent instead of being overwhelmed by the small stuff.

Very few of us have ever gone through parenthood without serious feelings of guilt, and those feelings definitely have their impact on us. In addition, many of us are "carriers," dumping that guilt on others so that everyone around us shares our psychological problems. The authors of this book think that's silly.

Mothers and fathers, usually with an emphasis on mothers (fathers have other problems) harbor deep-seated guilt that is really not necessary or appropriate. The authors explain this in page after fascinating page. In many cases, illustrating their points, they compare the non-guilt behavior with the guilt-laden response to situations. What a learning experience this book can be for all of us! I've already given it to my wife as a significant gift. I hope it will help!

After reading Mommy Guilt, I told my wife about the authors' Seven Principles of the Mommy Guilt-Free Philosophy: You must be willing to let some things go. Parenting is not a competitive sport. Look forward to the future and at the big picture. Don't become overly hung up on the here and now. Learn when and how to live in the moment. Get used to saying yet more often and being able to defend your no. Laugh a lot, especially with your children. Make sure you set aside specific time to have fun as a family. And, dear readers, that's only on page 17! Each of the principles is explained, with lots of examples that enable the pages to leap to life.

As you might expect with this kind of a book, there's a survey in the appendix so you can test your own guilt ratio. Lots of explanation to help you understand the meanings and cures for your problems. And, a helpful tool all by itself, there's an Emergency Guilt-Relief Guide in the back of the book, right before the index.

This one's a keeper! But...when you give it to someone as a gift-because you know they need it, do so with love instead of with "I told you so" as the underlying attitude. Guilt is tricky, and you'll learn a lot in these pages.

PS--Valuable skills for the workplace, as well as family.

If you only have time to read one book on parenting - this is a very good choice. I found it to be very helpful, readable and refreshing. It touched on a wide variety of issues that aren't normally contained in parenting books including easy weeknight recipes, which was very creative. The editing could have been better, but the overall subject matter was well-researched and presented.

This is an especially good book for first-time young moms. I think it presents the kind of sensible advice that your mother/sister would give - only better because the authors have done an exhaustive survey to back up their findings.

I didn't expect to read the whole book but found myself really enjoying it from start to finish. I will definitely share it with other moms but make sure I keep a copy for my own reference shelf!

As another reviewer said, I wish this book had been around when I became a mom! From nursing to nutrition, playdates to playgroups, homework to work outside the home, "Mommy Guilt" covers all of those topics that moms face at one point or another and which almost always bring with them some sort of guilt.

The authors of "Mommy Guilt" show you ways to diffuse that guilt, with practical, often humorous examples and advice that will also go a long way toward helping moms feel less isolated in their situations. The book is easy to read and flows well, and the overall tone is one of an understanding, intelligent friend who is there to help guide you when the guilt buttons start getting pushed.

I highly recommend this book to moms who want to find a different way to live their everyday lives with their children, free from the guilt that can inhibit the true joy that parenting can often bring.

As a mom of twin preschoolers, I devour mommy books ~~ simply because there are days when it's so chaotic that I need to read to clear my head. This book ~~ highly recommended to my local chapter by the national chapter of Mothers & More ~~ is definitely a godsend. This book zeroes in exactly some of my worst guilts and these fabulous authors set the record straight!

Moms are often targeted by different sources to feel guilty ~~ if they spend more time cleaning the house than with the kids, they feel guilty that they're short-changing the kids. If they work outside the home, they feel guilty for not being there with their kids or they feel guilty that they're enjoying work. Moms feel guilty over disciplining their kids. Moms feel guilty, period. It must be one of those requirements of motherhood ~~ you will feel guilt. At one time or another.

These authors not only tell you to relax ~~ your feelings are valid ~~ but they also offer you suggestions that they have gleamed from their friends, experiences and from talking with other moms. This book is chock full of experiences ~~ from moms dealing with potty training, breast-feeding to raising teenagers, to having a blended family and so on. Their advice are practical and common sensical. They also interject humor as well ~~ life doesn't need to be so serious, so lighten up!

The seven principles of the Mommy-Guilt Free philosophy couldn't have come at a better time for me personally. They are really simple and I would list the basic principles here ~~ but you really need to get a copy of this book for yourself to read more in-depth of what these authors are talking about. It's that good!

Some of the basic principles are: You must be willing to let some things go. Parenting is not a competitive sport. Laugh alot especially with your children, and so on. (These are the ones that I need the most right now ~~ however, I plan to apply the other principles as needed!) This book isn't a book to read once ~~ this is a book that you probably will need to thumb through over and over again throughout your life with your children. This is also a book you might want to pass down to your children ~~ life is too short to live with guilt. And this is a pretty good start to work on getting rid of unnecessary guilt!

So, if anyone wants to borrow my copy, I will have to say, sorry. My copy is not for loan ~~ I know that I will need it over and over again. This is definitely a must-have for every mom (even dads have guilt and there is a section on that too!) ~~ even if you don't think you need it. It's just a great refresher on parenting!

10-24-05

I think anyone reading this book will feel that they have been made to feel guilty. To me, more than trying to help with these feelings, the book does more to bring them to your attention and you begin to think - OMG - what am I doing with my kids and I should feel guilty about it !

The book is an easy read and does not do much to answer any questions in my opinion. It may make you feel better however, because it says its ok to feel guilty. In the end - the book did little for me.