Mom's House, Dad's House: Making Two Homes for Your Child [Paperback]

Isolina Ricci (Author)

Book Description

Publication Date: November 18, 1997

The groundbreaking classic, now revised, updated and expanded, covers the legal, financial and emotional realities of creating two happy and stable homes for children in the often difficult and confusing aftermath of a divorce.

Editorial Reviews

Amazon.com Review

According to the Stepfamily Association of America, 60 percent of all families are breaking up, and custody and visitation issues loom large in the lives of many parents. Isolina Ricci's Mom's House, Dad's House guides separated, divorced, and remarried parents through the hassles and confusions of setting up a strong, working relationship with the ex-spouse in order to make two loving homes for the kids. This expanded and revised edition (the book was originally published in 1980) includes emotional and legal tools, as well as many reference materials and resources. As one parent said of the first edition, "This book is my friend."

About the Author

Isolina Ricci, Ph.D., whose breakthrough work resulted in Mom's House, Dad's House, is an internationally renowned family expert, lecturer, award-winning mediator, and licensed family therapist who divides her time between consulting for family courts and working directly with families. She is the Director of the New Family Center in northern California.

Product Details

• Paperback: 381 pages
• Publisher: Fireside; Revised edition (November 18, 1997)
• Language: English
• ISBN-10: 0684830787
• ISBN-13: 978-0684830780
• Product Dimensions: 8.2 x 5.7 x 1 inches
• Shipping Weight: 8.8 ounces (View shipping rates and policies)
• Average Customer Review: 4.0 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (42 customer reviews)
• Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #10,543 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)
  • #11 in Books > Health, Fitness & Dieting > Relationships > Divorce

More About the Author

Isolina Ricci, Ph.D., whose breakthrough work resulted in Mom's House, Dad's House, is an internationally renowned family expert, lecturer, award-winning mediator, and licensed family therapist who divides her time between consulting for family courts and working directly with families. She is the Director of the New Family Center in northern California.

Customer Reviews

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

115 of 122 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars How to survive the agonies of separation with children, December 16, 1997

By A Customer

This review is from: Mom's House, Dad's House: Making Two Homes for Your Child (Paperback)

This book is a new, revised and updated edition of the book of the same name originally published in 1980. Dr. Ricci heads the Statewide Office of Family Court Services for California'as 82 family courts and has been a licensed marriage and family therapist for 22 years. The material for Mom's House, Dad's House came out of her experience as a therapist and mediator, teaching seminars and classes for divorcing parents. From her students and clients she learned how difficult and complex it could be for divorcing parents to pull away from their former intimate relationships and reorganize their lives. The present volume is a distillation of all that Dr. Ricci learned in those early and in subsequent years. Its goal is to inform divorcing, separated, or remarried parents on how to constructively heal the wounds of separation and establish a healthy new life for their children. Dr. Ricci argues that, contrary to traditionally accepted beliefs that divorce means destruction of the family, a new kind of really workable and satisfying family life can be created for a child while parents maintain separate residences. Reaching this state is, however, not easy. It involves an understanding by both parents of their mutual goals, and much hard work at "pre-separation boot camp" to actualize these goals. This is a painful process where former intimacy is replaced by a business-like approach with the needs of the child rather than those of the parents being paramount. The rewards to all parties are, however, enormous. Fortunately, as difficult as the process of separation may be, Dr. Ricci leads us through it in great detail, dissolving commonly held myths, describing the various stages of separation and the problems inherent in each, how to set up separate residences and still maintain a "family," and the path out of our irrational negative intimacy to a rational relationship. Her points are well-illustrated throug the felicitous and ample use of quotes from clients. Also included are sections on the all-important legal side of separation and divorce and how to make it work for you, the divorcing parent, rather than for attorneys. The basic elements of parenting plans and agreements "the most important legal document when it is filed" are well-described in great detail and are alone worth the price of the book. Post-separation problems include those of the parent who fades out of the picture and their possible re-entry into the family relationship are well-described as are the wherefores of developing an extended family and acquaintance network, long-distance parenting, and difficulties involved in moving on. remarriage, dealing with "flashbacks" to the original relationship and former family life, and all the other problems one is likely to encounter even years after a divorce. Finally, for the layman who wishes to know more and for the professional, there are sections of detailed chapter notes, further reading, and appendices on information for your child's school, how to find a knowledgeable attorney, the costs of raising children, ideas for customized private clauses for private contracts, a mediation confidentiality agreement,and a guide for choosing child care. An index completes this exceptionally well-written and edited book. I have no hesitation in highly recommending Mom's House, Dad's House to anyone contemplating or involved in separation from a marriage. Indeed, I would even consider it must reading for anyone thinking of having children, to educate them as to the seriousness of bringing a child into the world. After all, you may be the one in two couples whose relationship will end in separation. My only regret is that this book was not yet in print when I separated from a former wife years ago when we had two children. Much emotional trauma all around could have been avoided or ameliorated if we had had Dr. Ricci's wisdom and practical suggestions then. Separation and divorce will never be a pleasure for anyone with children, but armed with MOM'S HOUSE, DAD'S HOUSE, it no longer has to take its vicious emotional toll. In both my professional life as a psychiatrist and in my personal life, I recommend this book to everyone. Richard A. Blasband, M.D.

47 of 48 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars An indispensible guide, October 23, 1999

By A Customer

Amazon Verified Purchase

This review is from: Mom's House, Dad's House: Making Two Homes for Your Child (Paperback)

In the process of my divorce, I checked every resource I could find - in libraries, at the book store, publications from organizations...

Most of them I skimmed and saved references to the useful information. This was about the only book that made me stop and read it from cover to cover.

It's incredibly complete, with realistic advice on how to approach each situation that arises.

82 of 88 people found the following review helpful:

3.0 out of 5 stars Good ideas, but I'll continue to research more..., October 28, 2003

By 

Angela Potter (Derby, CT) - See all my reviews

This review is from: Mom's House, Dad's House: Making Two Homes for Your Child (Paperback)

I bought this book in the midst of a custody case for my husband's daughter. The description of the book, chapter titles, etc., made it sound like exactly the information I was looking for to help us through a very rough time and give us some ideas on how to improve communication and ease tension.
However, I finished this book feeling a little let down and confused. As another reviewer pointed out, if the people in the book were able to work so well together while getting divorced, why did they not attempt to remain together and seek counseling/structure for their marriage? The ultimate dream of any small child with divorcing parents is for them to remain together.
Also, it seemed like 90% of the examples of families/home structures in this book had the children living with their mother, and the father as the non-custodial parent. Although my husband did not ultimately get custody of his daughter, he is a wonderful father, and we know many dads who have physical custody. A few more examples of kids living primarily with their father would have been nice. As a parent, I can definitely say that I don't believe a mother loves a child any more than a father does. There is a special bond for a woman and her children to be sure, but there is just as special and loving bond between father and child.
While the real-life examples conveyed the anger and frustration of divorce, there wasn't much about custody cases. This was a topic that was supposed to be covered in this book, and it was only lightly touched upon. Dr. Ricci would have done more of a service to the readers of the book if she had touched on any and all scenarios of divorce/custody/visitation.
I believe there is always room to grow as a person and as a family. This is not a bad resource, but check it out from the library rather than buy it, and look into other materials as I am.