Monogamy [Paperback]

Adam Phillips (Author)

Book Description

Publication Date: March 30, 1999

In this sparkling, provocative collection of meditations on coupledom and its discontents, Adam Phillips manages to unsettle one of our most dearly held ideals, that of the monogamous couple, by speculating upon the impulses that most threaten it--boredom, desire, and the tempting idea that erotic fulfillment might lie elsewhere. With 121 brilliant aphorisms, the witty, erudite psychoanalyst who gave us On Kissing, Tickling, and Being Bored distills the urgent questions and knotty paradoxes behind our mating impulse, and reveals the centrality of monogamy to our notions of marriage, family, the self--in fact, to everything that matters.

The only truly monogamous relationship is the one we have with ourselves.
Every marriage is a blind date that makes you wonder what the alternatives are to a blind date.
There's nothing more scandalous than a happy marriage.

Editorial Reviews

From Publishers Weekly

Monogamy, suggests English psychoanalyst Phillips in this iconoclastic meditation, is-like infidelity-a compulsion rooted in our need for hope and reassurance. At its too-frequent worst, he notes, monogamous marriage degenerates into dulling routine and sexual boredom; at its best, it becomes a way of reducing our multiple, disparate selves to a manageable number, giving coherence and meaning to our lives and enabling us to grow. Full of irony and paradox, spiked with psychoanalytic insights, these 120 aphoristic mini-essays-most of them half a page or so in length-titillate but rarely satisfy. Many are as obscure as Zen koans or as pontifical as R.D. Laing. Phillips, whose previous books (On Flirtation; On Kissing, Tickling, and Being Bored) have won acclaim, tantalizingly explores how societal ideals of monogamy color our assumptions about love, sex, passion, self-pleasuring, jealousy, identity and relationships.
Copyright 1996 Reed Business Information, Inc. --This text refers to an out of print or unavailable edition of this title.

Review

"Wonderful . . . Phillips's great gift as a writer is for aphorism and paradox, and that is the joy of Monogamy." --Esquire

"Adam Phillips writes with far-sighted equanimity. . . . In this regard, he's a little like an Oliver Sacks of psychoanalysis, both affable and unalarmed." --The Boston Globe

"Phillips's reflections on monogamy are both discomforting and comforting." --The Washington Post Book World

"Playful, brilliant . . . profound . . . keeps us faithful to the last page."--The New York Observer

See all Editorial Reviews

Product Details

• Paperback: 144 pages
• Publisher: Vintage (March 30, 1999)
• Language: English
• ISBN-10: 0679776176
• ISBN-13: 978-0679776178
• Product Dimensions: 5.2 x 0.3 x 8 inches
• Shipping Weight: 5.6 ounces (View shipping rates and policies)
• Average Customer Review: 3.3 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (6 customer reviews)
• Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #258,546 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

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Customer Reviews

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

11 of 15 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars THIS BOOK SHOULD BE READ BY EVERYONE!, June 7, 2000

By A Customer

This review is from: Monogamy (Paperback)

Written as 121 aphorisms this book is a constant source of amusement, enlightenment and decadence. It has appealled to both male and female friends of mine and stands as essential reading for anyone who has ever doubted the merits of coupledom, and that must be everyone! Phillips comes up with thoughts and interpretations that stand alongside the greatest thinkers of the past two centuries. Always challenging and provactive the text literally moves you into a state of mind you never imagined you could feel so comfortable with. I recommend this book should be read by everyone, and the younger the better. It is a revolutionary book that's impact stands alongside writers like J.P.Sartre, J.S.Mill, Franz Fanon, Nietzsche and Karl Marx. This book makes couples nervous and single people smile.It is a delight and a work of art. Many friends of mine have bought extra copies for friends and frankly anyone criticising this book may simply be fearful of freedom itself.

19 of 27 people found the following review helpful:

1.0 out of 5 stars Hallmark thoughts from a brilliant person, February 1, 1998

By 

Eileen Galen (USA) - See all my reviews
(REAL NAME)   

This review is from: Monogamy (Hardcover)

How could he do it? Phillips is a wonderful essayist and biographer (of Winnicott), and thinks energetically, creatively, and deeply about many topics in psychology, culture, philosophy, and literature. With apologies to Chas.Shultz, this book reminds me of an updated, even nerdier version of "Love is Walking Hand in Hand, " and it's a puzzling disappointment. Admirers of the work of Adam Phillips will likely be less than satisfied with this little book of aphorisms -- really, most are highbrow one-liners -- by such a (usually) creative, provocative, and satisfying writer.

7 of 10 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars Awsome form of self help for the intelligent!, June 14, 2003

By 

"bibliotheque_elisabeth" (Seattle, WA USA) - See all my reviews

This review is from: Monogamy (Paperback)

Warning: This is not for the weak at heart. If you are afraid of being asked to question everything you have been taught was right and wrong, good and bad, and happy and sad, then don't buy this book. You will think the thing is evil and throw it away or something.
However, Mr. Phillips' aphorisms will make you a stronger person if you let them in. They are food for thought, though I hate to use that cliche. This man will make you reevaluate all of your ideals. And sometimes, in doing so, they become enforced. "Monogamy" makes you think, instead of telling you what you want to hear! Be shocked, and, if you're lucky, gain new meaning in your relationships with yourself and others.