No More Christian Nice Guy: When Being Nice--Instead of Good--Hurts Men, Women and Children [Paperback]

Paul Coughlin (Author), Laura Schlessinger (Foreword)

Book Description

Publication Date: March 1, 2007

Living Bold as a Christ-like Man

"Recovering nice guy" Paul Coughlin points the way for al men who yearn to live a life of boldness and conviction--like Jesus. Using humorous examples from his own life, powerful and poignant stories, and vivid examples from contemporary culture, Coughlin shows how he learned to say no to the "nice guy" syndrome.

After all, Christian nice guys aren't always so nice. In the name of appearing Christian by being agreeable, they can lie, keep secrets, manipulate, duck responsibility, and much more. Using the biblical model of Christ as his example of a real man, Coughlin shows men how to become both gentle and bold.

A powerful challenge and a hopeful message that elevates the true biblical model of manhood above prevailing views in the church and contemporary culture, this important book helps men discover who they are in Christ and how to live for Him.

Editorial Reviews

From the Back Cover

You can live with purpose, meaning, integrity, honesty, love, and faith. It's time to be who you were meant to be.

Tires of seeking other people's approval and how this "disease to please" ruins your life? Fed up with being passive, fearful, and anxious when you wish you were assertive and proactive--the way you see passionate, vital men live? Paul Coughlin unveils a better way with a powerful message that elevates the true biblical model of manhood above the prevailing views of church and culture.

"John Eldredge gave men permission to be 'wild at heart.' Paul Coughlin shows us how to do it. This book is a road map to a larger life."
--Dr Kevin Leman, Bestselling author of The Birth Order Book and Women Who Try Too Hard

"Paul Coughlin is challenging our thinking on what it means to be God's man in the twenty-first century. The apostle Paul pens in 1 Corinthians 16:13, 'Act like men.' That begs the question, What is a man? Coughlin is asking that question. This book is his excellent answer."
--Emerson Eggerichs, Ph.D., Author of Love and Respect: The Love She Most Desires, the Respect He Desperately Needs

About the Author

Paul Coughlin is an international speaker and hosts a radio talk show in southern Oregon. He is the author of No More Christian Nice Guy, Married But Not Engaged, and No More Jellyfish, Chickens or Wimps. Paul has been interviewed by Newsweek, Good Morning America, Nightline, C-SPAN, The New York Times, and The LA Times, among other media. His articles have appeared in many publications, including New Man, Faithworks, Today's Christian, Today's Christian Woman, and Ministries Today. He has also been editor of a weekly newspaper and a radio station program director. Paul is a happily married father, and is a contributor and blogger for Crosswalk.com. The Coughlin family lives in Medford, Oregon. Visit Paul's website at PaulCoughlin.net.

Product Details

• Paperback: 224 pages
• Publisher: Bethany House Publishers (March 1, 2007)
• Language: English
• ISBN-10: 076420369X
• ISBN-13: 978-0764203695
• Product Dimensions: 5.5 x 0.6 x 8.4 inches
• Shipping Weight: 9.9 ounces (View shipping rates and policies)
• Average Customer Review: 4.0 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (25 customer reviews)
• Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #188,365 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

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Most Helpful Customer Reviews

28 of 33 people found the following review helpful

2.0 out of 5 stars Help for those with a weak view of masculinity February 22, 2009

By Laurence T. Baxter VINE™ VOICE

Format:Paperback

The book 'No More Christian Nice Guy' sounded like a great title, with chapters like "Childhood, where we learned to live small", "We're Men, not Eunuchs", "God: Lion or Cocker Spaniel". But the more I read, the more I found it hard to identify with either the problem or the solution. About half-way through the reason for this became clear, when the author discussed how his mother had abused him both physically and emotionally.

Coughlin's book may be of tremendous value to those who suffer from what he refers to as a "Christian Nice Guy" syndrome, whose background has left them with an anemic view of masculinity, or who think that to be a good Christian is to be a doormat. He does an excellent job of dispelling the myth that Jesus was weak, and the wrong view of meekness. This alone earns the book a pair of stars.

In general though, the book leans far too much into trying to turn this kind of 'nice guy' into someone who embraces outrage. While I wouldn't say the book is unbiblical (it makes a number of excellent points), it does seem to draw as much from culture and psychology as from scripture. For example, here's his definition: "Biblical masculinity is guys doing what God wants guys to do, and doing it in line with their true identity..." Can't argue with that, but it defines nothing. Another example, in the chapter on practical help, when he cherishes seeing his pastor (who is the mark of perfection in the pulpit) seethe in anger when he got stuck behind him in traffic. It made him "instantly more comfortable in his own skin". Rather than addressing the pastor's inauthentic hypocrisy, his focus is more on how seeing other people fail makes him feel.

While I couldn't recommend this as the "one men's book you want to read", it does provides valuable lessons for those who think Christianity is for wimps or for those men who suffer when they consider their own masculinity.

10 of 10 people found the following review helpful

5.0 out of 5 stars Honest, and hits the nail firmly on the head. December 27, 2011

By Kirsten Chaignon

Format:Paperback

I love this book. I admire strength in men and have long wondered who or what had emasculated the men I've seen in church. I found Coughlin's book threw the proverbial lights on for me. I'm a strong woman who grew up with a strong (non-Christian) Scottish father, and I've been long irritated by the way men are portrayed in the media through commercials and sitcoms. I also work with special needs students in school and I watch how boys struggle to fit in to the school system, required to sit completely still and work quietly. So many of them are drugged so that they can fit in that little box.

Some of the guys who have reviewed this book here don't seem to understand the truth that women are not attracted to simpy men who are all nice and nurturing and have no backbone. You have been lied to by the ultra-feminist. (I absolutely want to recoil from soft-skinned, delicate men. Give me a cabre-tosser anyday).

I am not surprised there would be a backlash about this book by those who hate masculinity and men in general, since the prevailing, dominating spirit of our age is the Jezebel spirit of control and manipulation (not just found in women), which seeks to make Ahabs and eunuchs out of men. Hopefully men will do as Jezebel's eunuchs did back then; chuck her out the window!

8 of 8 people found the following review helpful

4.0 out of 5 stars Christian men need to read May 11, 2008

By Philip Aggen

Format:Paperback

Thought this was a good read for Christian men who have lost themselves and need some advice on how to reclaim Christian male priorities. The advice sometimes comes close to going over the line into being a pushy, unloving Christian, but generally the writing is based on sound Biblical principle and revelation.