Customer Reviews

No More Letting Go: The Spirituality of Taking Action Against Alcoholism and Drug Addiction

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This is the best book I've found on the topic of addiction. I liked it so much, I've bought multiple copies and handed them out to people in need. It is full of compassion and remarkably free of blame for both the person with the addiction and the family members who suffer the effects. Furthermore, it offers direction and hope rather than the advice to detach while the addiction takes your loved one down and you with him or her.

This book is well-written (clear and concise) and easy to read (which is a good thing if you're in the chaos of an active addiction), but it is also thorough and profound. I especially like that Jay takes a detailed, but not overly-complicated look at the brain processes that lead to addiction, manipulation, hypervigilance, and other ill effects.

The last portion gives information about putting together an intervention (and why talking to the addict on your own is likely to be met with frustration). Confronting an active addiction requires a group effort and careful planning. Debra and Jeff Jay's book "Love First" goes into greater detail about how to do an intervention. Both books are excellent, but I recommend this book over "Love First" as a starting point.

Addiction is a medical issue, not a moral issue. It is a brain disease that causes immoral actions. Your loved one cannot pull themselves up by their bootstraps because, if they are addicted, they lack bootstraps! Even if your loved one is taking illegal drugs, it is likely they began taking drugs (illegal or legal) at a young age, before the decision-making area of their brain was fully developed.

One point that I especially liked (and which has steered me away from divorce on several occasions) is that if it is the parent of your child that suffers from addiction, even if you divorce, you will still likely have to deal with him or her and the behavior that results from addiction, so perhaps seeking help is a better course of action than letting go.

My one suggestion to Ms. Jay is to write a book on recovery and relapse. I hope one is in the works.

Debra Jay has been on Oprah more than a few times. She's the blond lady with the glasses who is always so direct with addicts and their families. Her new book is a revelation. Basically, her idea is that there should be zero tolerance for untreated addiction in the family. After all, why should the alcoholic have the right to "hit bottom" in their own sweet time, when the family is suffering?

She brings up an interesting analogy. Twenty-five years ago, drunk driving was tolerated. Bartenders even gave people to-go cups! Then, two women who had children killed by drunk drivers, started MADD and everything changed. Now, even the beer companies say "friends don't let friends drive drunk."

Debra Jay is proposing that the same thing should happen with alcoholism and drug addiction. Treatment works (it worked in my family) and so we should have zero tolerance for untreated addiction.

She makes some good points about how an alcoholic is like a magician who uses misdirection to fool everyone. If you've ever tried to talk to an addict, you know how they blame everything and everybody but themselves. She shows how to take action to stop that kind of thing, and how to start organizing an intervention.

If one of your family members is an alcoholic or a drug addict, you should read this book. It is amazing.

Borrowed this book from the library and after reading two chapters had to buy it! Sat with my highlighter and immersed myself in this book. I really liked the short chapters and the way Debra Jay makes this information so personal. There is so much information for everyone who has ever had someone in their life with an addiction. The information about how we are also immersed in this disease is invaluable. If you've never come to terms with addiction being a disease, read this book. If you want your lives to change, there's lot of information in this easy to read book.

I bought this book based on the reviews and the description on the website. I have to say I am somewhat disappointed. She initially talks about how the idea of detachment, loved one's detaching themselves from the addict and living their own lives, is incredibly difficult if not impossible to achieve. I am in total agreement with her there. However, she then kept referring to this idea and after a while I got the feeling she was trying to prove something, but I'm not sure to whom. As a reader I felt that I had purchased her book, I was willing to be open to her ideas, so why beat the same drum over and over again? Was she writing for the wider audience of, perhaps, other addiction specialists out there? Anyway, it went on for too long.

The other criticism I have is that her discussion of an intervention supposes that we all have large families and a wide network of friends to draw from in staging one. I find this view a bit limited and naive. From my own experience, I can say that my husband comes from a family of substance abusers(not ideal candidates for an intervention)and that his network of friends includes, guess who?, a wide network of users. So, the book did not give me the answers I was looking for. I will have to search elsewhere. She alludes to working with a professional if you can't build up a large team, but I think she could have put a little more into this alternative.

That said, I do think this book is worth reading. Her descriptions of interventions are good and offer hope to those of us struggling against the disease of alcoholism/addiction.

Keep strength.

This book is a must in the world that we live in today. It doesn't matter whether you are into alcohol or drugs being the reason for reading this book. Debra Jay talks about how we as family (even extended) can help each other in the terrifying reality of what happens to families who must live through the pain of addiction.

This is a great book that tells it like it is about a terrible disease and the people affected by it. More help and information here that in any Al-anon literature I have ever read.

I only wish that I'd found this book years ago as I started the journey of addiction with a family member. This book was my turning point. Clear, concise. I finally GOT alcoholism. It sank in and I thank this author from the depths of my heart for putting wisdom to pen to paper.

In trying to get more information about alcoholism, I've been frustrated by a lot of Al-Anon and AA literature. I wanted to understand what the heck is going on and really learn more about the disease at least. Debra Jay's book is so excellent both in helping to understand the disease, and giving you realistic, helpful ways to try and help an alcoholic in your life. She so clearly outlines clear facts and scientific information about this disease, and why is it so maddening and confusing to deal with. This book helped me sort out my understanding of the disease before we did an intervention.

If you are thinking of doing an intervention, I recommend their intervention workshop videos [...] - they are super detailed, so helpful. We actually got my sister into a treatment facility, using their outline and tips! Yea!!

This book was very educational. For a person who operates on understanding, this book gave me a wealth of information on the way substance abusers think. If you can understand how they operate, then you can plan your actions based on that information.

I have purchased several copies and passed them along to family members. This book helps with understanding why substance abusers do what they do. It also helped in setting realistic expectations and understanding why you may or may not have the effect you might want to have on your situation. This book is about not letting the substance abuser take you down with them. It's about understanding their illness and providing love, hope and an opportunity for recovery.

I have used this book in my capacity as a therapist as well as recommending it to friends who are dealing with addiction issues. I recently bought 3 copies so I could loan some out and still have one for myself.

The premise is that it's not necessary to let the family be destroyed while waiting for the addict to "be ready" for recovery. With drug and alcohol use starting at early ages, families are dealing with the crisis more and more and this book is invaluable in discussing how to set boundaries and get the person into treatment whether they think they're ready or not and if that's not possible families can see how important it is to not sacrifice every member of the family to the addiction.