Mother Daughter Revolution: From Good Girls to Great Women [Paperback]

Elizabeth Debold (Author), Marie C. Wilson (Contributor), Idelisse Malave (Contributor)

Book Description

Publication Date: September 1, 1994

As the daughters of baby boomer moms approach womanhood the questions begin. Will I teach my daughter the right things? How do I correct the mistakes my mother made with me?

Mother Daughter Revolution: From Betrayal to Power addresses all the issues that a mother guiding a budding woman could possibly need to know about. Authors Elizabeth Debold, Marie Wilson, and Idelisse Malave approach these dilemmas as would any other mother who is concerned with the survival of her daughter in a male-dominant society would. This book centers on women's attempts to build trusting relationships with their daughters. The foundation of this trust is based on removing the feeling of betrayal that develops when daughters feel that their mothers have not prepared them for the earthshaking changes they experience during adolescence. Lack of preparation for these changes leads to a lack of confidence and an inability to deal with competition.

Mother Daughter Revolution is written in a problem and solution style and describes the path from adolescence to womanhood through identifiable stories and anecdotes. Many mothers recount stories of being told by their mothers to "be nice" because "nice girls get married and get good things." Well, these new mothers opt to tell their daughters that being nice is not always an option, especially if "being nice" infringes upon their rights.

Editorial Reviews

Amazon.com Review

Our culture betrays women. And mothers, to be good mothers, must betray their daughters. It is this tragic norm that Marie Wilson and Idelisse Malave, president and vice president respectively of the Ms. Foundation, and Elizabeth Debold, a member of the Harvard Project, question. Though perhaps no longer revolutionary, their text still presents a vital and revitalizing agenda, 0ffering ways to transform the typical cycles of betrayal and to resist such unnecessary losses as those of voice, freedom, and the power to act. Debold, Wilson, and Malave turn many precious cultural biases and beliefs upside down-- "rugged individualism," for example, is scrapped in favor of interdependence. The belief that separation from the mother is a normal developmental step is firmly cast aside.

Written originally in 1993, Mother Daughter Revolution takes as its foundation the findings that came out of the Harvard Project on Women's Psychology and Girls' Development under psychologist Carol Gilligan. The core of that study could be summed up with the question: Why, at the onset of adolescence, does the self-esteem of girls plummet? The authors expand on Gilligan's valuable and still timely "wall" theory. That is, at adolescence, young girls come up, clashingly, against how they're perceived by the dominant culture--largely in terms of their sexual and reproductive value. To get through this "wall," girls must sacrifice parts of themselves in order to be accepted and protected by society. At great cost. Mothers, ironically, usher girls through the wall of self betrayal. And the three most loudly voiced complaints by girls about their mothers reflect that betrayal--that they're not dealt with fairly; not truly loved for being themselves; not trusted with the truth. The "authentic self" of daughters is driven underground.

These are hard and heartbreaking insights which 30 years of feminism's second wave has not changed. Interviews with adolescent girls, memoir fragments offered by the authors, and stories shared by such well-known writers as, for example, Maxine Hong Kingston illustrate the social phenomenon. Don't be fooled. This is not a rant so much as a prescription for uncovering, defining, and nurturing the love between mothers and daughters. Paradoxically, adolescent girls find more of the world open to them, while at the same time experiencing a deep distress. "Eating disorders and teenage pregnancy, once associated with opposite ends of the social class spectrum, are more prevalent among girls of all classes and all races than ever before." These insights and prescriptions, organized and given voice by three committed feminists, are offered with lucidity and passion, in the spirit of social transformation.

From Publishers Weekly

How should mothers help their daughters face adolescence? Based mostly on their joint research into the history and present status of women, Harvard Project consultant Debold and Wilson and Malave, president and vice-president, respectively, of the Ms. Foundation, respond to that question in this intense feminist tract. Contending that "separation is not necessary to a daughter's self-esteem," they further suggest that with closeness to their daughters, mothers can "support girls in resisting the unnecessary losses they experience in growing into womanhood: losses of voice, of freedom, of power to do and be in the world." The authors charge that popular cultural patterns are aggravated by the "betrayal" of mothers, who, eager to avoid risk, pass on to their daughters the self-negating attitudes that have been considered desirable in women in a patriarchal society. In addition to bonding of mother and daughter, the authors advocate family support with the father as "ally." Most of all, they declare, daughters must know that women are serious about "making the world a place where they dare to be whole, true, and powerful." 75,000 first printing; $100,00 ad/promo; BOMC and QPB featured alternates; author tour.
Copyright 1993 Reed Business Information, Inc. --This text refers to an out of print or unavailable edition of this title.

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Product Details

• Paperback: 404 pages
• Publisher: Bantam (September 1, 1994)
• Language: English
• ISBN-10: 0553374184
• ISBN-13: 978-0553374186
• Product Dimensions: 6 x 1 x 9 inches
• Shipping Weight: 1 pounds (View shipping rates and policies)
• Average Customer Review: 4.7 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (3 customer reviews)
• Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #791,772 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

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Customer Reviews

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

26 of 29 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars A Must Read for Mothers and Daughters, August 22, 1999

By A Customer

This review is from: Mother Daughter Revolution: From Good Girls to Great Women (Paperback)

Mother/Daughter Revolution should be standard issue - given along with baby's birth certificate - to any woman in this country who gives birth to a female child. It is that good. Drawing on numerous studies and sources, Mother/Daughter Revolution details the sudden drop in self esteem which girls in our culture experience as they approach adolescence, and the myriad of ways in which this is expressed. It also examines the underlying societal flaws which allow this to occur and the societal situations in previous generations which led to the current state of events. Many books have done the same, including "Reviving Ophelia" by Mary Pipher and "Raising a Daughter" by Ellium and Ellium. Where Mother/Daughter Revolution departs from these books (which are also must-reads) is in it's hands on analysis of how mothers can de-code the messages they recieved at the hands of their cultural mileu and how they can then join their daughters in resisting the influences of the patriarchy that seeks to deprive them of their essential selves. It describes the Mother/Daughter conflict in a new way, a way that circumvents all the psycho-babble about identity and the necessity of a girl child divorcing herself from her mother - and presents a new paradigm for being a mother and a daughter in this culture. When Mothers and Daughters become aware of the influences which seek to tear them from their main source of support (each other) they can work to become empowered, so the bond between them can help the daughter grow to maturity with her mother beside her, instead of growing to what society teaches women to expect - an adolescence where the daughter and the mother are constantly at war, with neither one emerging unscathed.

8 of 12 people found the following review helpful:

4.0 out of 5 stars A must-read for anyone who cares about tomorrow!, June 15, 1999

By A Customer

This review is from: Mother Daughter Revolution: From Betrayal To Power (Hardcover)

Swell illustration of why so many teenage girls suffer losses in self-esteem as they get older. Shows that this can be prevented & is a "can-do" book, not a "girls as victims" books. Delves into the world of teenage girls & the challenges they face as they grow up & struggle to remain whole human beings. I do have to say, though, in the chapter about how beauty is used is women's false "power", using the Baby-Sitters' Club series as an example, especially the one about Mary Anne's haircut, was a poor example. Mary Anne gets the haircut & realizes that people react differently to her, BUT in the end of the book described in here, Mary Anne does come to realize that beauty is only a fleeting, superficial goal(especially since she's not very pretty, but is very bright) & comes back to earth quickly( especially when her boyfriend gets jealous & makes her cry!). The Baby-Sitters' Club series would be better used as an example of resistance to the status quo, as the girls in that book remain connected to each other & refuse to fall into the "chronic victim" mode despite peer pressure & haircuts & all. This book would have done better to praise the BSC, rather than criticize the series. If the authors wanted to use an example of negative images of girls, they should have gone after another series "The Fabulous Five" by Betsy Haynes. Now THERE was a series that used girls' appearances as "bartering" tools. Many of the girls in the "Fabulous Five" were not only appearance-obsessed, but too focused on what the boys wanted, & often were pitted against each other in competition for male approval. Otherwise, this book is very vivid & a strong guide for both mothers AND daughters.

2 of 4 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars A Must read for all women, January 23, 2007

By 

Racine Walsh "research nut" (Thompsons Station, TN) - See all my reviews

This review is from: Mother Daughter Revolution: From Good Girls to Great Women (Paperback)

This is one of the most important books of our time right now. It addresses all that matters to women and girls and their relationships with each other. If ALL women read this we could have a complete and wonderful revolution.