The Mother Factor: How Your Mother's Emotional Legacy Impacts Your Life [Paperback]

Stephan B. Poulter (Author)

Book Description

Publication Date: March 18, 2008

Whether we acknowledge it or not, our mothers leave an indelible impression on the persons we become. Our ability to function emotionally in relationships - both personal and professional - is based on our mothers' deep influence. In a book full of insights and wisdom based on a career of helping others, acclaimed psychologist Stephan B. Poulter shows how the mother factor can work either for or against us. The key to allowing this important legacy to work for us, says Dr Poulter, depends on understanding our mother's pervasive influence on our life. He shows that the way we connect emotionally in adult relationships is based on the "style" of our mothers.Dr Poulter defines the five major styles of mothering as: The Perfectionist Mother - whose family must look perfect in every way; The Unpredictable Mother - whose ups and downs can create life-long anxiety and depression in her son or daughter; The "Me First" Mother - whose children come second or last; The "Best Friend" Mother - who's now in vogue but can wreak havoc; The Complete Mother - who provides guidance and shows compassion to her child.Although most mothers are a combination of the above, many fit more into one category than others. Even though as adults, we tend to dismiss our past as the past, we do so at risk to ourselves. Only by understanding how our mother's legacy affects us today can we transcend the mysterious anger, anxiety, depression, and shame that we feel, and achieve the kind of relationships we deserve. Dr Poulter demonstrates how the internalised "rulebook" we inherit from our mothers is a very powerful force. These unspoken rules govern work, relationships, emotions, separation, and independence. Unless we become aware of the rules that guide our behaviour, thoughts, and beliefs, we won't have the ability to make our own choices. This enlightening book will help readers connect with their past to correct self-defeating behaviours, reach their full emotional potentials, and live happier, more fulfilling lives.

Editorial Reviews

Review

Family psychologist Poulter (The Father Factor) claims that anyone can be free from their mother's influence--if you first take the time to understand what it is. No matter how terrible your mother was, he asserts, she is no longer running the show. His clear, sensible advice about an emotionally loaded topic will at the very least give readers a place to start making peace with themselves. Poulter describes five different mothering styles--Perfectionist, Unpredictable, Me First, Best Friend, and Complete--and then details the emotional fallout from each. Using examples from his own practice and life, Poulter provides instructions and exercises on how best to move forward without shame, emotional deprivation, co-dependence, fear of intimacy, abandonment or anger. Readers who haven't considered the ways in which this relationship has affected their lives, or those stuck in a cycle of blame or victimization, will be well-served by this book. Though he does not address the mothers that cross the "type" lines he has defined, readers are sure to find his overall message affirming and empowering. (Mar.) Copyright © Reed Business Information, a division of Reed Elsevier Inc. All rights reserved. -- From Publishers Weekly's Web

About the Author

Stephan B. Poulter, PhD (Los Angeles, CA), is the author of three previous books including The Father Factor, which was praised by Newsweek, ,Publishers Weekly, and other publications, and received widespread attention on Good Morning America, CNN, MSNBC, and other media outlets. He has practiced as a clinical psychologist specializing in family relationships for twenty-four years. Dr. Poulter lectures widely and appears regularly on radio talk shows and news programs.

Product Details

• Paperback: 352 pages
• Publisher: Prometheus Books (March 18, 2008)
• Language: English
• ISBN-10: 1591026075
• ISBN-13: 978-1591026075
• Product Dimensions: 8.3 x 5.4 x 0.7 inches
• Shipping Weight: 13.6 ounces (View shipping rates and policies)
• Average Customer Review: 4.7 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (10 customer reviews)
• Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #543,283 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

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Customer Reviews

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

8 of 9 people found the following review helpful:

3.0 out of 5 stars Nothing new here, April 24, 2008

By 

Kerry Graham (USA) - See all my reviews
(REAL NAME)   

This review is from: The Mother Factor: How Your Mother's Emotional Legacy Impacts Your Life (Paperback)

The author does a good job of describing the problems associated with the "emotional legacy" we inherit from our mothers, but fails to explore any sort of helpful solution, apart from commonsense exploratory question-and-answer type exercises meant to help the reader identify his/her issues with their mother. The book is also very repetitive. In the end, I didn't come away with any new insights and still feel frustrated about what I awknowledge is a significant roadblock in many people's lives--mother issues--which the author overkills in exploration but doesn't quite manage to tackle in the way I would have expected from a man with 20+ years of experience as a psychologist. Overall, not recommended.

6 of 7 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars Great Insights Into My Relationship With My Mother!, April 24, 2008

By 

Katherine Scott "Katherine" (California, USA) - See all my reviews

This review is from: The Mother Factor: How Your Mother's Emotional Legacy Impacts Your Life (Paperback)

I just finished reading The Mother Factor and really enjoyed the author's discussion of mothering styles and the kinds of emotional impact that our mothers have in our lives. Dr. Poulter offers a very comprehensive discussion of mother-child relationships and how we develop within this psychological context. I didn't expect the book to solve the issues I have with my mother - no one book will ever do that - but the points and illustrations were thought-provoking and new to me. This book challenges you to take an honest look at yourself and your relationships which is not always an easy task.

I feel like I have a better grasp on some of the things that went on between my mother and myself and this will allow me to start the work I need to do on myself to move forward and create my own legacy. I highly recommend this book to men and women at any age!

3 of 3 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars Bonding Issues, self-help, May 31, 2008

By 

Irene L. Larochelle "I. LaRochelle" (N. Vancouver, BC) - See all my reviews
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Amazon Verified Purchase

This review is from: The Mother Factor: How Your Mother's Emotional Legacy Impacts Your Life (Paperback)

This is a very intense book. It requires a lot of self-reflection and self-honesty. I found it very helpful for uncovering my "blind- spots" in my relationships with my foster-mothers. It is very worthwhile book to read if you are having trouble with bonding issues in relationships.