Mother of My Mother: The Intricate Bond Between Generations [Hardcover]

Hope Edelman (Author)

Book Description

Publication Date: April 13, 1999

In her bestselling Motherless Daughters, Hope Edelman articulated the effects of early mother loss with stunning courage and honesty. In doing so, she helped hundreds of thousands of women heal. Now, in her new book--part memoir, part reportage--she brilliantly explores the three-generational triangle from which women develop their female identities: the grandmother-mother-granddaughter relationship. Edelman writes that her grandmother and her mother together "defined the terms 'mother,' daughter,' and 'woman' for me. The three of us, in my memory, are separate yet linked, like sequential pearls on a strand."

Drawing from her own experience and the recollections of more than seventy other granddaughters, Edelman constructs an eloquent, insightful narrative filled with stories of women who were each other's nurturers, confidantes, nemeses, and day-to-day supporters, among other roles. At the center of all these stories stands the maternal grandmother. In the pages of Mother of My Mother, readers will meet the "Gentle Giant," the matriarch who exercises behind-the-scenes power in her family; the "Autocrat," who rules her extended clan like a despot; and the "Kinkeeper," the grandmother who acts as the family's social, cultural, or religious center. Then, of course, there is Edelman's own maternal grandmother, the "Benevolent Manipulator," whose love for her family is rivaled only by her desire for control. Edelman's complicated, challenging, and dynamic relationship with her "colorful, opinionated, ubiquitous, stubborn, loving, patient . . ." grandmother is the consistent thread that runs throughout the book.

Editorial Reviews

From Publishers Weekly

In Motherless Daughters, her bestselling study of the psychological impact of a daughter's loss of her mother, Edelman explored the terrain of grief and recovery. In this work, she expands her focus to include grandmothers and the love/hate relationships that can form between the three generations, drawing on her own interviews with 70 granddaughters, and her survey of 186 more, as well as the work of psychologists and sociologists who study intergenerational dynamics. The result is slightly choppy, as the narrative jumps from scientific findings about bonding, self-esteem and matriarchal power in American society to memoir sequences in which Edelman's grandmother and mother are either enraged at each other or giggling like schoolgirls. Edelman is at her best illuminating the complexity of girls' and women's feelings toward their mothers and grandmothers. She identifies four major types of matriarchs (for example, "The Gentle Giant," "The Autocrat," or "Kinkeeper") and shows that many are combinations of all these roles. Her narrative of how her feelings toward her grandmother evolved from unconditional devotion to wary reticence reveals the way that family loyalties can shift for girls and adolescents, and may reassure those who experience guilt over severed or frayed family connections. Edelman's good intentions and insights make this a worthwhile read for any woman who has ever viewed her family dynamic as both minefield and saving grace. Agent, Elizabeth Kaplan. Author tour.
Copyright 1999 Reed Business Information, Inc.

From Library Journal

In her latest effort, Edelman (Motherless Daughters, LJ 5/1/94) continues her theme of deciphering the maternal bond. Reading her new book is much like reading a diary. We learn a great deal about Edelman's relationship with her mother and maternal grandmother and how Edelman feels these two relationships have influenced her own actions. Edelman also presents other women's stories about mothers and grandmothers to illuminate the reasons behind her own writing odyssey. The book is more inclined to make readers ponder their own lives than to present new psychological methodologies for understanding personal family dynamics. All in all, this is insightful reading, but its approach makes it more appropriate for public than academic libraries.ASheila Devaney, North Carolina State Univ. Libs., Raleigh
Copyright 1999 Reed Business Information, Inc.

See all Editorial Reviews

Product Details

• Hardcover: 288 pages
• Publisher: The Dial Press; 1St Edition edition (April 13, 1999)
• Language: English
• ISBN-10: 0385317964
• ISBN-13: 978-0385317962
• Product Dimensions: 8.4 x 5.5 x 1.1 inches
• Shipping Weight: 14.4 ounces
• Average Customer Review: 3.9 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (7 customer reviews)
• Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #5,743,979 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

More About the Author

Hope Edelman is the internationally acclaimed author of five nonfiction books, including the bestsellers Motherless Daughters and Motherless Mothers, as well as the recent memoir The Possibility of Everything. She has lectured extensively on the subjects of early mother loss and nonfiction writing in the U.S., Canada, Australia, and New Zealand. Her articles and reviews have appeared in numerous publications, including the New York Times, the Chicago Tribune, the San Francisco Chronicle, the Washington Post, The Huffington Post, Glamour, Child, Seventeen, Real Simple, Parents, Writer's Digest, and Self, and her original essays have appeared in many anthologies, including The Bitch in the House, Blindsided by a Diaper, and Behind the Bedroom Door. Her work has received a New York Times notable book of the year designation and a Pushcart Prize for creative nonfiction. She can be found in Iowa City every July teaching at the Iowa Summer Writing Festival. The rest of the year, she lives in Topanga Canyon, California, with her husband and their two daughters.

Customer Reviews

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

4 of 4 people found the following review helpful:

2.0 out of 5 stars Weak but worth a look, December 20, 2005

By 

E. Cutler - See all my reviews
(REAL NAME)   

This review is from: Mother of My Mother: The Intricate Bond Between Generations (Paperback)

Hope Edelman's book is successfully part memoir and part academic study. She has chosen a narrow scope for her research, and that's fine--that is, until she feels the need to dismiss other related topics (such as the equally intimate bond between granddaughters and paternal grandmothers) by claiming that they are just not as significant instead of acknowledging that she simply did not choose to research them. The second hole in Edelman's research comes when she refers to how maternal grandmothers live longer than paternal ones--where the basis for this statement? I'll believe it when I see it. It's absolutely fine for her to choose to focus specifically on mother to mother to daughther generational relationships; what's not fine is for her to casually brush off related relationships as though they just don't matter as much. Within the context of her thesis, they are not as significant, but this is something that Edelman needs to address instead of pretending that she didn't write about them because they are not as significant.
Other than these two crucial holes, Edelman's book holds merit in its well-written accounts of family, both from her own life and from her case studies. It's worth a read, not so much for its actual insights, but perhaps for the insight that it inspires its readers to pursue on their own.

11 of 14 people found the following review helpful:

3.0 out of 5 stars As a mother of 4 sons (& 1 daughter), I disagree. . ., May 8, 2000

By 

nancie carmichael - See all my reviews

This review is from: Mother of My Mother: The Intricate Bond Between Generations (Paperback)

Hope is a good writer--she's observant; reflective. I loved her book "Motherless Daughters" and she effectively uses her own experience to make her point. However. . . She lost me on this book because in one sentence (one sentence, mind you! ) she dismisses the relationship between a paternal grandmother and her granddaughter as never being as close as the maternal grandmother. That may be true in some cases--indeed, in many, and surely in her own. However, Hope's research is limited and biased. How can she effectively dismiss half of the population? Look at examples down through history of grandmothers & granddaughters (via their sons). . Their influence was great and I maintain ALL family relationships take investment and time. You get out of it what you put into it. The "mother of my mother" book a catchy idea, but the bias really bothers me. And what about adopted daughters? I have an adopted daughter, 4 sons, 1 grandson, & 1 granddaughter whom I love with all my heart (she's crazy about me, too). Each of my children and grandchildren are unique and each relationship is unique. This book depressed me for days until I was able to babysit my Kendsy (4 mos. old) for 5 days straight and re-fill my emotional cup. I gave this book 3 stars for the writing but the concept is weak! Sorry.

3 of 3 people found the following review helpful:

3.0 out of 5 stars A Little Too Much Of A Good Thing, A Book Review of Mother o, May 7, 2004

By 

J. Owen "Owen" (San Francisco, Ca) - See all my reviews
(REAL NAME)   

This review is from: Mother of My Mother: The Intricate Bond Between Generations (Paperback)

A Little Too Much Of A Good Thing, A Book Review of Mother of My Mother, the Intricate Bond Between Generations by Hope Edelman, Publisher, The Dial Press, Random House, Inc. 1999, pages 268.

The personal narrative launches the book, as Ms. Edelman recounts her relationships with her grandmother and her mother. Though the topic sounded intriguing, I opened this pop psychology book as a skeptic. I was immediately impressed with the author's ability to write. Her tight, well- honed and descriptive use of language lent ease and interest to me, as a reader.

Throughout the book, Ms. Edelman uses her "story" as an anchor. This device breaks up the monotony of the soft clinical research and conversely the facts reduce any tedium from the repetitive return to the author's recounting of her experience and that of her "examples". In doing it acts as a catalyst to trigger the memory of one's childhood, one's grandmother(s) and mother(s).

Once meandering with the author refreshed my memory, I was given insight, tools for self-awareness and self-help by the author. These were offered in an effort to assist the reader in sense of one's past, present and future; great clarity gained through understanding of core familial relationships.

She pinpointed four specific types of grandmother/matriarchs: Benevolent Manipulator "whose love for her family is matched only by her desire for control"; Gentle Giant "who possesses a quiet, behind-the-scenes power, the kind of elder whose very presence elicits awe and respect"; Autocrat, "who rules her extended family like a despot.... which members acting out of fear of her anger or loss of her affection": Kinkeeper "the hub of the family wheel, acting as its social, cultural, or religious center and offering a sense of cohesion to the extended clan". All of these examples included specific family histories to illustrate this character type and her impact upon her granddaughter.

The concept of "health" is outlined as "a system characterized mainly by co-operation, honesty, respect, and appropriate boundaries. Whether or not a triangle includes these elements depends in large part on the type of relationship the grandmother and mother share. When their relationship is balanced-meaning it's neither overly enmeshed nor emotionally disengaged and remains relatively free of competition, conflict, and resentment-the triangle is stable enough to absorb adversity in other bonds."

Unfortunately, in spite of the interesting topic, and Ms. Edelman's skill as a writer and raconteur, the numerous exemplary stories and remembrances after remembrance finally became too much; the excess bogged Mother of My Mother, the Intricate Bond Between Generations down. By the end, everything melded together. Though the book had many interesting points, and I was glad to have gained acquaintance with this author, I was also happy to part company with Hope Edelman and legions of exemplary characters.