Customer Reviews

Mother of My Mother: The Intricate Bond Between Generations

5 star:		(3)
4 star:		(1)
3 star:		(2)
2 star:		(1)
1 star:		(0)

 

 

Hope Edelman's book is successfully part memoir and part academic study. She has chosen a narrow scope for her research, and that's fine--that is, until she feels the need to dismiss other related topics (such as the equally intimate bond between granddaughters and paternal grandmothers) by claiming that they are just not as significant instead of acknowledging that she simply did not choose to research them. The second hole in Edelman's research comes when she refers to how maternal grandmothers live longer than paternal ones--where the basis for this statement? I'll believe it when I see it. It's absolutely fine for her to choose to focus specifically on mother to mother to daughther generational relationships; what's not fine is for her to casually brush off related relationships as though they just don't matter as much. Within the context of her thesis, they are not as significant, but this is something that Edelman needs to address instead of pretending that she didn't write about them because they are not as significant.

Other than these two crucial holes, Edelman's book holds merit in its well-written accounts of family, both from her own life and from her case studies. It's worth a read, not so much for its actual insights, but perhaps for the insight that it inspires its readers to pursue on their own.

Hope is a good writer--she's observant; reflective. I loved her book "Motherless Daughters" and she effectively uses her own experience to make her point. However. . . She lost me on this book because in one sentence (one sentence, mind you! ) she dismisses the relationship between a paternal grandmother and her granddaughter as never being as close as the maternal grandmother. That may be true in some cases--indeed, in many, and surely in her own. However, Hope's research is limited and biased. How can she effectively dismiss half of the population? Look at examples down through history of grandmothers & granddaughters (via their sons). . Their influence was great and I maintain ALL family relationships take investment and time. You get out of it what you put into it. The "mother of my mother" book a catchy idea, but the bias really bothers me. And what about adopted daughters? I have an adopted daughter, 4 sons, 1 grandson, & 1 granddaughter whom I love with all my heart (she's crazy about me, too). Each of my children and grandchildren are unique and each relationship is unique. This book depressed me for days until I was able to babysit my Kendsy (4 mos. old) for 5 days straight and re-fill my emotional cup. I gave this book 3 stars for the writing but the concept is weak! Sorry.

A Little Too Much Of A Good Thing, A Book Review of Mother of My Mother, the Intricate Bond Between Generations by Hope Edelman, Publisher, The Dial Press, Random House, Inc. 1999, pages 268.

The personal narrative launches the book, as Ms. Edelman recounts her relationships with her grandmother and her mother. Though the topic sounded intriguing, I opened this pop psychology book as a skeptic. I was immediately impressed with the author's ability to write. Her tight, well- honed and descriptive use of language lent ease and interest to me, as a reader.

Throughout the book, Ms. Edelman uses her "story" as an anchor. This device breaks up the monotony of the soft clinical research and conversely the facts reduce any tedium from the repetitive return to the author's recounting of her experience and that of her "examples". In doing it acts as a catalyst to trigger the memory of one's childhood, one's grandmother(s) and mother(s).

Once meandering with the author refreshed my memory, I was given insight, tools for self-awareness and self-help by the author. These were offered in an effort to assist the reader in sense of one's past, present and future; great clarity gained through understanding of core familial relationships.

She pinpointed four specific types of grandmother/matriarchs: Benevolent Manipulator "whose love for her family is matched only by her desire for control"; Gentle Giant "who possesses a quiet, behind-the-scenes power, the kind of elder whose very presence elicits awe and respect"; Autocrat, "who rules her extended family like a despot.... which members acting out of fear of her anger or loss of her affection": Kinkeeper "the hub of the family wheel, acting as its social, cultural, or religious center and offering a sense of cohesion to the extended clan". All of these examples included specific family histories to illustrate this character type and her impact upon her granddaughter.

The concept of "health" is outlined as "a system characterized mainly by co-operation, honesty, respect, and appropriate boundaries. Whether or not a triangle includes these elements depends in large part on the type of relationship the grandmother and mother share. When their relationship is balanced-meaning it's neither overly enmeshed nor emotionally disengaged and remains relatively free of competition, conflict, and resentment-the triangle is stable enough to absorb adversity in other bonds."

Unfortunately, in spite of the interesting topic, and Ms. Edelman's skill as a writer and raconteur, the numerous exemplary stories and remembrances after remembrance finally became too much; the excess bogged Mother of My Mother, the Intricate Bond Between Generations down. By the end, everything melded together. Though the book had many interesting points, and I was glad to have gained acquaintance with this author, I was also happy to part company with Hope Edelman and legions of exemplary characters.

Excellent insights, stories, views from Hope Edelman. Laugh, cry, admit to your own behavior as you read "yourself" in her book. Best to read the 1st two books b/4 this one.

As I've gotten older, I've come to realize the important role my grandmother had in who I am today. I was lucky enough to be able to tell my grandmother, the "Kinkeeper" how important she was to me before she died. Hope's book can teach all of us that has a grandmother not to overlook this special bond. You'll want to call your grandmother after reading Hope's book. If I could recommend another great grandmother book, it would be "Something to Remember Me By" by Susan V. Bosak. I sent it to my grandmother as a way to tell her how important she was to me, and it meant so much to her! Horray for grandmothers!

I could not put this book down! I am the eldest daughter of an only daughter and a maternal granddaughter to a grandma who helped my mother raise me from the day I was born until I was 11 1/2. This book offered me a great deal of insight into our triangle. Now that my mother is a grandmother herself, I have recommended it to her so she can take an objective look at her part in our triangle and those with her grandchildren. This book is very informative and the writing is super-engaging. I think any daughter will benefit from reading this book, especially if she's planning to have children.

I ordered this book because I just became a grandmother of a baby girl last week and saw the author in the Today show--I was dismayed at her use of negative words and negative appproach to the different "types" of grandmothers and wanted to find out just what she was talking about. Words like "manipulative" and "meddling" are so distructive. I consider my new role as one of support and teaching and love of my daughter and her family and being there for her after her c-section as a privilege--I am saddened that this could be called meddling and rather insulted by these terms. So I want to read the book to find out if the impression given by the interview was correct.