Customer Reviews

The Mother Trip: Hip Mama's Guide to Staying Sane in the Chaos of Motherhood (Live Girls)

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I know that I will read it again and again and pass it around to all my Mommy friends. Basically it's all about giving yourself a break and realizing that you do NOT need to be perfect to be a good mom. Perfect is an impossible notion. Good enough is good enough. Amen. Guilt is such a large part of being a parent - not being enough, not doing enough, not making enough, not having enough time, and on and on. Guilt is an unnecessary and debilitating emotion. It breeds a lack of confidence and it kills joy - two really necessary emotions for successful mommying. Ariel Gore, the author of the book is a single mom, as well as the founder and editor of Hip Mama - a `zine for women (www.hipmama.com). She believes that conventional advice books are "scary", and she shares her story in short essay form. There are essays about her dreams, her pregnancy, her bouts of depression, her battles with the "system" and family court, as well as her breakthroughs and personal insights. Make time for yourself (if you are unfulfilled or empty inside, you will not have anything to share with your children), throw out the concept of having it all (it's a myth and a dangerous goal to attempt to attain), be an individual (your kids will love you for it, even if you do embarrass them), and spend "no more than an hour a day on housework." I see this book as a sort of literary high-five to women everywhere. Believe in yourself and your mommying skills. Stand up for yourself. Love yourself and love your children

The Mother Trip by Ariel Gore (Seal Press, 2000) I knew this mama was shooting from the hip by the way she cites the sheer and near-constant exhaustion of mothering a little child several times over in the first few pages. Even if you've got a little burst of energy, by the time you've lovingly, creatively, passionately wrangled the little buggers into their clothing and onto the potty, and gotten them to swallow a few morsels of vitamin-rich food, and loaded up your bag with ten pounds of pretzels and apple juice and picture books and soap bubbles (and forgotten the extra clothes that sure come in handy when they pee all over themselves), and answered 75 questions, and mopped up the spills, and combed their hair, and convinced them to wear shoes, you are exhausted. That's when you need 15 minutes, just 15 uninterrupted minutes, to lie on your side and read this book, because Ariel Gore sympathizes with your plight, while steering a mile clear of schmaltz. The few solutions she offers to the insoluble strangle hold of your own apron strings are actually helpful, like considering using the 60 bucks you were about to drop on weekly therapy appointments to hire a professional housecleaner instead; or forcing yourself to arrange time away from your child on an ongoing basis. There's no shortage of experts in the marketplace telling exhausted mothers what they need to buy, to do and not do to raise their children right. Frankly, we've got more than enough poop to deal with without paying for that kind of advice. The Mother Trip is as refreshing as a stolen cat nap in a field of clean and folded laundry.-Ayun Halliday

Ariel Gore's collection of essays is like artful finger-food served at a really good party. Each morsel is delicious, clever, well-crafted, and bite-sized -- bite-sized is something you come to appreciate in reading material if you, like I, have a pre-schooler and an infant. But I must admit, I snacked on these essays during the day and then, after the kids went to bed, I pigged out until the whole book was done.

It doesn't matter, I have a feeling I'll be reading this book in snatches for many years yet.

Like the Hipmama Survival Guide, this book offers understanding and nice big doses of reality (contrary to what the media keeps telling you, there ARE mothers of colour, single mothers, mothers who have 'jobs' instead of careers, mothers who paint, mothers who have sex, etc. out there), while avoiding doling out pat advice with a heafty side of guilt. It's an intelligent book and Gore should be congratulated on taking the stance that mothers are capable of complex thought. Maybe because the format of the book is a lot of small essays, I thought there was an excellent effort made to cover the many aspects of motherhood. Among others, there are essays about unspeakable thoughts, money and lack there of, body image, depression, housework, political activism, community, spirituality, guilt, and (my favorite) the value of giving in and indulging your inner goof-off. This should give you an idea that this isn't just another parenting book filled with advice about when babies sleep through the night and what to take to the hospital (should you opt to go to one). It's also unabashedly feminist which is a huge relief after hearing so much nonsense about feminism (esp. among women of my generation) being a dirty word.

This is pure comfort food for your brain. Fill up your plates.

The Mother Trip offers commiseration and reassurance, shared experience and joyful encouragement. The Mother Trip is the friend who knows you, knows your life, loves you anyway, and best of all helps you to love yourself. At last, someone understands...

As author Ariel Gore shares her stories and thoughts, they become our stories, too. What mother hasn't wondered if she's doing the right thing, if she's the kind of mother she "should" be?

Like all my mom friends, I struggle to find time for myself while simultaneously worrying about being selfish by doing so. Do I really need to take a Shakespeare class two evenings a week instead of staying home and reading bedtime stories to the kids? Should I go to that Writers' Conference when it means I'd be gone for an entire weekend? Does it make me a bad mom if I travel to San Diego for six glorious days to visit a friend I miss terribly? Does it make me a bad mom if I love being away some times? Take the class, I imagine Ariel saying, enjoy your vacation. "However long you can afford to take," she writes, "the important thing is you take it, and take it without guilt." The beauty of The Mother Trip is that it cuts right into the core of who we are as mothers, which turns out to be far different than you may have read elsewhere. I read essay after essay, meaning to stop after just one more but finding myself unable to put the book down. A third of the way into the book I began to cry, not because the essays were sad, but because the essays, one after another, touched me, spoke to me, reminded me of the way we mothers exchange sacrifice for wholeness and then wonder why we feel incomplete. Because the essays, one after another, were so true.

On page 210 I reached an essay entitled "Cry," in which Ariel offers that crying is a "shortcut to...calm": that, in the words of Mata Amritanandamayi, "crying...for five minutes is worth an hour of meditation." Again, Ariel provides not only reassurance but validation.

I left the book less burdened by the "shoulds" and sacrifices and self- flagellations that (wrongly) comprise much of modern motherhood, feeling that if five minutes of tears are worth an hour of meditation, then an hour of The Mother Trip must be worth a year of therapy.

I thought it was great. I could totally relate to all the conflicting feelings that come out of nowhere when you become a mother. I also liked the HipMama Survival Guide, but this book was a lot different. The Survival Guide gave me a 'take a deep breath, everything will be OK' kind of feeling (with many hilarious bits in between), while the Mother Trip kind of spoke to my spirit more, and talked about what's going on under the surface.

I hate all the mothering books that act as though your brain dies when you become a mother and all you can think about is whether you should use cloth or disposable diapers. It's like, I may be a parent, but I'm still a person! :)

I also hate books that are too preachy, and this was not at all like that. It was more like a close friend you can relate to, sharing her ideas and fears and dreams about being a mother. Bascially, the Mother Trip makes you feel like you're not alone in wondering what it's all about and where the hell you are going.

Reading this book is like stumbling across an all-night diner after driving for hours on a long, dark highway. It is like a siren-song luring you away from mama guilt and martyrdom, with headings like: "Beware Of Those Who Talk Of Sacrifice

Oh, it is such a good book! After a long day with a 4 year-old and a new baby, and the isolation that can come along with the career of mothering, reading this book helped me to feel connected with other mothers who share the same experiences as me, but more importantly it helped me feel re-connected with myself.

I would whole-heartedly recommend this book to anyone.

This is the one book I will be giving as a gift for all future mamas-to-be. This one goes past class lines, this is for mothers in ALL walks of life. It goes beyond "the perfect Diet!" and "the best $200 stroller!" and inane comments on how to satisfy your man while simultaneously mothering. This one speaks to the heart.

Whether you are the young mama that Ariel was in her essays on her daughter's birth, or you are an established older mama, or currently riding any point in between - this book will speak to you. It is a sensory experience that is so easy to read, and hard to put down, that I finished it in one late-night sitting. Truly one of the only things worth giving up precious sleep for.

This book was like aloe on a sunburn for me. It earned a place in my diaper bag, so when my baby falls asleep and I have an extra five minutes in the car, I read an essay or two. I gather strength. Ariel Gore's essays are so true, like other hormonal (mama) readers, I have to cry. She is compassionate toward all of us, single, married, poor, hip or hippie. She doesn't have rules that bar us from her club. She encourages us to take care of ourselves, not just our children. I'm a single mom, and I have read lots of books about parenting, but none I treasure like this book. It stands alone. I recommend it as the best book I have read about mothering and discovering yourself, which is The Mother Trip.

Ariel Gore consistently does right by moms. Longtime publisher of the witty Hip Mama magazine, her first book, Hip Mama Survival Guide, is more like an intelligent, animated conversation than a parenting guide. The reason? She's entirely, unfalteringly real. She's a 30-year-old, single mom, sure, but there's no way she'll be pigeonholed into being only that. More importantly, by being unfalteringly honest about her frustration and desires ("Explain to me why it is more socially acceptable to be the Air Force hack who drops cluster bombs on small countries than it is to be a mom who has a paying job,") she sends out a message: sometimes, you should send the kids with a friend and take a bath--and for god's sake, don't feel guilty about it. Makes sense, but when most books for parents preach mommy martyrdom, Ariel Gore's approach is like a hand reaching out to pull you from the quicksand of guilt. In The Mother Trip, Gore reinforces that idea through a series of gorgeously written, autobiographical essays. She simply explains parts of her life, from memories of being pregnant in Italy, to her own mother doing the "unacceptable" (marrying a Roman Catholic priest), to balancing her creativity and caring for her daughter. Gore never lies about her desires, her exhaustion, her fear, or her bewilderment; she lays it all out and wants to converse about it. The Mother Trip is a book about motherhood, life, and perseverance, but most of all, it's about self-actualization. Now go take a bath. You deserve it.

...from her past with tales from other mamas in hew newest winner, The Mother Trip. Their combined words remind us that we are not alone and that most inportantly, we need to be honest with ourselves about who we are and what we need to feel personally fulfilled. She addresses the combined feelings of joy and isolation that motherhood beings upon us. It isn't easy to be a mom, and while our generation has received so many mixed messages about what a good mother is, she reminds us that the world in which we live has no room for the strict patriarchal parenting styles of our grandmothers' time.

While I honestly believe and support Ariel's message, I can't help but feel guilty for not practicing what I preach. I feel as though some of my words quoted in the book were used against me, but for that reminder I am surprisingly thankful.