Customer Reviews

MotherStyles: Using Personality Type to Discover Your Parenting Strengths

5 star:		(18)
4 star:		(3)
3 star:		(1)
2 star:		(0)
1 star:		(1)

 

 

This book was very helpful to me in understanding WHY I do things the way I do (for example, how I relate to my children). It also helped me to understand why my mom did/does things.

I was able to make a guess a my children's personality types (there is info in the book in how to do that) and found out that my daughter and I only share 1 letter out of 4 - no wonder I have a hard time understanding her! Taking our personality styles into account, I am better able to provide her with the emotional and physical attention that she wants and needs. I also try to focus on the strength we have in common and have been able to bond more easily.

I have loaned this book out three times already and have another person waiting - but I want to read it again first. I highly recommend it!

Ever since before I conceived my daughter, I have devoured parenting books by the score. Only a few have passed the "purchase test." (I borrow everything I read from the library, then decide whether I'll reread it enough times to want to own it.) Motherstyles is different from anything else I've come across. After reading ONE PAGE I purchased it on the spot. A few more pages and I was already laughing and crying, feeling deeply affirmed as a mother and energized by the powerful truths this book contains. Since first reading it cover-to-cover in a couple of days, I have referred to it several times a week for my own parenting and to share its insights with friends.

Ms. Penley has used her deep understanding of personality type to show every mother why she shines in certain areas and struggles in others. Motherstyles solves an amazing number of mysteries about why different mothers, kids, and people in general operate differently, as well as shedding light on family dynamics. The book "justified" for me certain strong needs I have as a mother--such as why I need daily solitude for my very sanity, while for many of my mother friends, a little time alone is simply a luxury that they can postpone if need be. So I'm meeting my needs more consistently--without guilt. I have stopped comparing myself to other mothers, instead embracing my personal style as a gift to my child. And everyone in my family is happier!

Mothers in our society are in an strange bind: At our fingertips is an unprecedented amount of theoretical knowledge about all that children need in order to thrive. Yet on the practical level, ONE person, with her very human strengths and limitations, is expected to provide it all . . . while socially isolated, sleep-deprived, and overwhelmed by the rest of life's demands. It would be funny if it weren't so serious. This book goes farther than any other to lighten the load of that impossible burden, empowering mothers to claim their own uniqueness as a vital part of their children's thriving.

Motherstyles has changed my world. Since reading it, I've been imagining a world in which every mother had a copy of it. It would be a world in which every mother was doing her very best parenting, her unique kind of parenting--while having fun and feeling plenty of ease and joy! A world in which every mother approached her children, her partner, other mothers, and herself with warm and deep understanding. A world in which every mother felt free to be fully herself. And THAT would give children what they truly need. I urge mothers, their partners, educators, and everyone who works with mothers to buy Motherstyles and help change the world!

I rarely bother to write reviews but this book deserved 5 stars! I have used the MBTI personality types effectively at work and there are great books on that for the workplace. That said, I have not found a better overall summary of conflict resolution for type differences than in this book. And of course its application of MBTI to mothering is unique. I found the recommendations helpful, concise and best of all not guilt-inducing! It was a refreshing and thoughtful read. I highly recommend it.

If you are the mom who always has kleenex, a snack and a spare to share, fresh water bottles, a first aid kit, combs and hair accessories in your purse and glove box, if you bathe your children from 8 to 8:15 every night and you live by your calendar (which you never lose), you can still benefit from this book, which will help you understand your child who regularly forgets her coat at school and likes her room messy.

If you are the mom who looks at the clock at 6pm and says,"Oh crap, what am I going to make for dinner!", whose dining room table is too full of fun projects to actually allow you to serve dinner there, and whose kid gets a bath when they start to smell funny, this book is for you!

If you have tons of friends and your kid has few, or you like quiet time and your child needs to constantly be on the go, if you need lots of hugs but your child isn't interested, if your child color codes her sock drawer and you can't _find_ your sock drawer....this book is so for you.

You might not BE like most other moms, and you might still be doing a fantastic job as a mom! This book tells you how to leverage the strengths inherent in your mothering style...and there are strengths in _all_ of the styles, even the rare types.

Or your kids might not BE like other kids....here's some great insight into their styles and how to work with them...not change them.

The book has lots of practical ideas to bring harmony and joy to the family, but even if it didn't, it would be interesting all on its own.

Highly recommended.

Okay, so I admit it: I'm the coauthor. But I want to tell you why, ever since I met Janet Penley, I pestered her to write this book.

I first met Janet Penley in 1993 when she spoke at a mothering seminar. I bought her self-published M.O.M.S. Handbook and I'll tell you, this material drastically affected my mothering. (Fortunately, I discovered Janet's work early in my mothering career.) Understanding personality type-especially my own, my husband's, and my children's--has enabled me to appreciate and build on the strengths of each of our types. I also know now here we need outside help or perspective to shore up our weaknesses. I grasp our family dynamics better?-particularly the greatest source of my ongoing frustration. Because my husband and I are the same types, I am often stretched in opposite directions, just to provide the balance that every family system needs.

Helping Janet expand this information into a full-size book has only deepened my understanding of personality type and mothering, and convinced me of its great value. I draw from the material in this book--about energy management, family dynamics, self-care and more--literally every day.

I highly recommend this to EVERY mom who wants to not only become a better mother, but to enjoy the experience more. Grandmothers would also benefit from passing this on to their daughters/daughters-in-law. (But make sure you read it yourself, too, so that you can understand your different approaches and, I hope, appreciate each other's styles more.) Even dads would benefit--there's a whole chapter on dads, and besides, it will help him understand his wife better. It would be a great gift for a man to give his parenting partner.

Janet Penley invested 19 years in developing this material, and we spent another 2 years writing the book. When you buy this book here you get 21 years of wisdom and experience for less than $15. I can't think of a better deal.

Yes, my way is unique. And so are all 16 ways. It is a relief to find affirmation for both your own and others' ways to parent and realize we aren't supposed to be perfect, nor are we supposed to parent similarly. Penley's book provides well researched information that is easy to read. Her wisdom, humor, and compassion shine on every page. She makes the reader yearn for the differences we often struggle with among each other. This book is stimulating, delightful and thought provoking. It is a reference book to use for today and for all time. Keep it on the nightstand for every stage of life.

If you only buy one book on mothering, for yourself or for a family member or friend, this should be it! Motherstyles is a real gift to anyone from mother-to-be (wish I'd had a copy then!) to the mother of pre-teens and beyond (glad I have a copy now!) My parenting life was immediately made easier through the understanding gained from the author's ideas. The ideas helped me see myself--acknowledge my strengths and accept my struggles--as a mother. They made me feel good about my unique self and my style of parenting. Whereas in the past I would spend too much time feeling down about my mothering short-comings--and we all have some. From the author's information, I learned that I am an ENTP--subtitled the "Independence Mom". I might not be the best with a whiny, clingy child, and routines (I don't even like pushing kids in swings because it is a repetitive motion. I would look at other parents pushing swings back and forth at the park and wonder enviously--"How can they DO THAT for their child?"). However,I can now see that my strong desire to encourage independence, take advantage of spontaneous opportunities, and be tolerant and accepting is what frames ME as a mother--those are my gifts to my offspring. I used to think when other moms asked me to arrange for something way ahead "I am not good at planning in advance" (and I would feel down about myself.) Now, I say, "Call me at the last minute, because I am REALLY GOOD doing things spur-of-the-moment". The inverse of my parenting struggle is now my parenting strength. The book is set up with lots of interactive features to help the reader determine her unique mothering style and how that affects relationships with offspring, spouse, grandparents, the workplace, other mothers. I think if this book were handed out in maternity wards, we'd have so many happier mothers, right from the start.

Whether reading in order to gain a better understanding of oneself, one's own mother, wife, daughter, or indeed any member of the family, there is much for each of us to learn here. Aimed at parents (especially mothers), and teachers concerned about parenting with children of all ages, this book certainly provides the reader with a series of useful, personality-type centered descriptions and advice, and may be especially welcomed by first-time mothers in search of initial tips on this subject. As many a psychologist likes to inform their students - `the very worst that might happen' (as a result of considering personality variables and their significance for understanding human behaviour), is that "you may learn something about yourself!". Continuing to expand and apply the framework of Jungian thinking on personality types, via the worked results of individual Myers-Briggs Type Indicator (mother-and-daughter) interpreted profiles, Penley and Eble provide a useful volume here, packed with appropriate example behaviours and `tips' for practical consideration for mothers finding themselves exploring a variety of different situational experiences.

Although we do not fully agree with all of the views expressed here, with some parts of this book certainly sounding confusing to someone knowing little or nothing about personality types, there are many reasons to take its content seriously. Without falling into the more proscriptive (bad) use of the MBTI© (for career applicant screening), the current authors use this type of personality assessment in a more prescriptive way (akin to the use of the PIC-MBTI® for training recommendation), instead making use of the identified strengths and weaknesses of each profile in affording its recommendations and `tips' for success. The particular focus of its use in the current volume is to apply MBTI-like analysis in the pursuit of a better understanding of variations in motherhood behaviour and its optimization for action, according to which one of 16 personality profiles any particular person may be said to match. Sufficient information is provided here for the reader to determine for him/herself which of the 16 profiles s/he best reflects (without the need to undergo a professional psychological testing session), although all of the following advice is directed only at providing what might be termed `tips for motherhood'. On the whole the latter are very useful, and may lead one to understand so much (or at least provoke the reader to think so much) more clearly and deeply about one's own actions/behaviours, and those of other mothers, fathers, and even one's children.

Although the reviewers wish to direct caution with regards the authors' use of the occasional lapse in assigning real preference (and thus behaviour) to owners of each of the 16 personality profiles (whereas these are actually reflective of `expressed preferences' due to the self-report nature of this kind of test instrument), Penley & Eble are more accurate in stating their claim that, when things are going well with their family interactions ".. [they are].. operating from the strengths of your unique mothering style", and that "each of the 16 types of mothers does something better for her children than any of the other 15 types of mothers are likely to do" (p.18). If we were to offer criticism re the details of interpretation and recommendations, it would be leveled at the omission of any discussion with regards the significance of variations in personality type with regards the significant variations one might expect to consider due to a particular mother's age and personal experience (especially following multiple births and increasing sibling number). However, this book is not just for (or about) mothers and mothering styles. There is much here for (and about) dad, and the children, and the ways in which the whole family may better understand each other - and indeed, the way(s) in with they might choose to interact with other families, and without recourse to any of the soul-mate searching and zodiac-sign matching that so many other books have tended towards. The self-balancing and whole family issues (which are in particular the focus of the later chapters), are dealt with in the same light as the mothering-style sections, and are well filled with appropriate and useful `tips' and recommended strategies for a better understanding of each individual's actions, communications, desires, and preferences for ideas implementation - this is a great strength of this book, and a reason (if the only one) to read it.

Dr. Tony Dickinson and Julia Hui
Academic Research Laboratory, Hong Kong, 2008.

I have been an accredited MBTI trainer for 6 years - but I have this daughter who's now 5 and she's, lets say, 'spirited'. I've read lots of parenting books but none have really hit the mark - because she's not bad and most of these assume 'difficult' children - even The Spirited Child! So I bought this book - blind - don't know anyone who has it or has read it.
For me the first part of the book was superfluous - it's about working out your style and whilst I understand the book has to do that for non-MBTI people - it's a little unfair for those of us that get it.
Then it gets into the analysis. My first surprise is that the author has a preference for 'T' - so do I.
I found the book interesting - first read. You can also put by the bed and read a bit each night - you don't need to devour at one sitting. The examples are great. There's one particular example that could have been written about me and my daughter - about sticky tape and sissors! and it was like wow - OMG - now I get it.
Has it made me change my parenting style - no, will it, probably not overall, has it helped me understand my daughter more - you bet!

I loved this book - I read it like a good, page turning, bestseller - cover to cover in just a matter of days! (The exception being I constantly had a highlighter in my hand.) It provided a lot of insight and "Aha's" for me. Thank you for such a wonderful, helpful, insightful book!