Mothering Mother: A Daughter's Humorous and Heartbreaking Memoir [Hardcover]

Carol D. O'Dell (Author)

Book Description

Publication Date: April 1, 2007

Compelling and heartrending, this personal memoir chronicles the author's decision not to put her mother, who has Alzheimer's and Parkinson's disease, in "one of those homes" and relays the far-reaching consequences this choice has on her entire family. Detailing the challenges of reversing roles and learning to mother one's own mother, this refreshing and entertaining autobiography will help those struggling with their own decisions on elder care in the home. It touches on the importance of relationships—such as how they impact our souls and beliefs about ourselves and the quality of life—and explores the larger questions of faith, hope, and ultimately death.

Editorial Reviews

From Booklist

O'Dell, a member of the "sandwich generation"--made up of boomers taking care of both their own children and their elderly parents--portrays the experience of looking after a mother suffering from Alzheimer's and Parkinson's with brutal honesty and refreshing grace. She peppers the memoir with scenes from her past, including meeting her adoptive parents ("The first time I saw Mama, I was four years old") and the death of her father. With three children and a husband of her own, O'Dell is torn in multiple directions, trying to be mother, daughter, nurse, cook, caregiver, maid, and more to a household of needy people. Mama's neediness is unrelenting, and O'Dell is at once bitter and sorry that her mother cannot be who she was. When the inevitable end comes, O'Dell wonders why she longed for the free time she now finds lonely and empty. A beautiful rendering of a difficult but all-too-common situation, told with plenty of humor, a touch of martyrdom, and much love. Mary Frances Wilkens
Copyright © American Library Association. All rights reserved

Review

"I loved this book! I not only loved it, I lived it. I laughed, I smiled and shuddered reading this book. O’Dell has captured the essence of every Baby Boomer’s struggle to parent our parents."  — Judy H. Wright, author, Kids, Chores & More

"Those of us in the Baby-boomer generation will resonate with the emotional roller coaster that many of us have or are currently experiencing, or fear having to face with our own aging parents."  —Barry K. Baines, MD, author, Ethical Wills: Putting your Values on Paper

"Carol O'Dell is my new hero. . . . Told in vignettes instead of a linear fashion, O'Dell tells in brutal honesty the horrors and pleasures of exactly what one shoulders when saying, 'Come live with us; I'll take care of you.'"  —Armchair Interviews, Casa Publishing

"Make[s] you laugh and cry, often at the same time, and would be a godsend to current or potential care-givers."  —Times Union, Jacksonville, Florida

See all Editorial Reviews

Product Details

• Hardcover: 208 pages
• Publisher: Kunati Inc. (April 1, 2007)
• Language: English
• ISBN-10: 160164003X
• ISBN-13: 978-1601640031
• Product Dimensions: 6.1 x 0.7 x 9.1 inches
• Shipping Weight: 14.4 ounces
• Average Customer Review: 4.8 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (55 customer reviews)
• Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #389,142 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)
  • #33 in Books > Health, Fitness & Dieting > Diseases & Physical Ailments > Parkinson's Disease

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Most Helpful Customer Reviews

19 of 19 people found the following review helpful

4.0 out of 5 stars Heartfelt story well worth the read June 4, 2007

By Armchair Interviews

Format:Hardcover

Carol O'Dell is my new heroine. I made the promise too: "Look after each other." I haven't truly had to do that yet, with the daily exception of a phone call. After reading Mothering Mother: A Daughter's Humorous and Heartbreaking Memoir, I'm not sure that I will ever be able to do what she did. Care for an aging parent long after the time has come when it was too much: physically, emotionally, mentally, and sometimes even spiritually.

Told in vignettes instead of a linear fashion, O'Dell tells in brutal honesty the horrors and pleasures of exactly what one shoulders when saying, "Come live with us; I'll take care of you."

The vignettes are linear as they recount bits of O'Dell's adoption, at age four, by a Southern,fundamentalist couple in their mid-fifties. When O'Dell's mother is diagnosed with Parkinson's and her husband in transferred to Florida, the O'Dells do an addition to their home so that her mother could have her own place, albeit connected to the main structure. Add a heart condition and Alzheimer's, and her mother is not an easy person to care for. Once a vibrant minister, watching the mother shrink to helplessness is more horrifying than any Stephen King novel I have ever read. The way the mother trashes her apartment as diseases attack her body and mind makes what some over-privileged rock star's rampage look like a walk on the beach.

In addition to O'Dell's strength, is the strength her family endures and embraces. They have their moments, but they don't fall apart. I'm in awe of what the O'Dell family endured.

Before reading Mothering Mother: A Daughter's Humorous and Heartbreaking Memoir, I can't recall an honest look at what it's really, really, really like for those Baby Boomers who are trying to care for both an aging, ill parent and raise children, too. How does one watch one life start to slip away and other lives blossom? It seems impossible.

This book would never work if the structure were different. A different structure would minimize the agony and the ecstasy of O'Dell and her family's experience.

Armchair Interviews says: This is the look in someone's window most of us never want to have to deal with in our own life.

10 of 10 people found the following review helpful

5.0 out of 5 stars When A Daughter Becomes Her Mother's Caregiver August 26, 2007

By Kate Kelsall

Format:Hardcover

I struggled between going to sleep at a decent hour last night and reading the book that I started the same afternoon. Carol D. O'Dell's compelling book, Mothering Mother: A Daughter's Humorous and Heartbreaking Memoir, easily won my familiar battle between sleeping and reading.

Carol and I just had too many similarities, (and a couple of major differences) not to continue reading this page-turner until the bittersweet end.

Carol, a mother of three, with her husband, invited Carol's mother with Parkinson's and Alzheimer's to move in with their family. Carol, an adopted child with no siblings, attempts to fulfill the childhood promise of never putting her mother in a nursing home. Carol struggles to maintain her roles as wife and mother in her own family and roles of daughter, caregiver and mother to her own mother.

I admire Carol for taking on this challenge. I was curious how she managed to accomplish this without losing herself (she almost lost herself a couple of times, and you'll have to read the book yourself to learn the details).

I know about neurological nightmares: I was diagnosed with Parkinson's eleven years ago, my mother is slowly dying of Lewy Body Dementia, my mother-in-law died with/from Parkinson's three years ago. So I'm quite familiar with the emotional roller coaster that Carol is talking about, and you too will resonate with this topic in the future, if you haven't already had a similar experience.

I enjoy Carol's style of writing with her honesty, sensitivity and humor. Her book is a compilation of her journals as short vignettes that she wrote to help her maintain her own sanity, while caring for her aging mother. She says things in her book that others think and feel but are afraid to express.

I laughed and cried as I identified with almost every funny and painful incident and felt like I was in the room with Carol and her mother throughout the entire book.

In fact, after staying up late to finish this book, I woke up early to purchase copies of the book for my brother and sisters, convinced that they too will identify with Carol's challenges in her role as caregiver.

8 of 8 people found the following review helpful

5.0 out of 5 stars A book from the heart July 4, 2007

By J. Frick

Format:Hardcover

I loved this book, it made me laugh and it made me cry! I thought of my own mother and although she didn't have to linger on for years with a disease, I could relate to what Carol was going through -- and her family. Sometimes I think we forget how hard it is on the rest of the family beyond the primary caregiver. I love the style Carol wrote the book, in small sections, trying to capture events quickly. I would recommend this book to everyone!