Customer Reviews

Mothering Without a Map: The Search for the Good Mother Within

5 star:		(7)
4 star:		(2)
3 star:		(1)
2 star:		(0)
1 star:		(0)

 

 

Mothering Without a Map changed my life. Until reading this book, I knew that something was wrong with the way I was raised - that I never felt safe or unconditionally loved - but I couldn't pinpoint the problem. Kathryn Black put my feelings into words. This book helped me to work through my anger toward my parents and come to a place of greater compassion. They're still not good for me, but I now have a peace about the state of our relationship and about my past. I can appreciate and emulate the positive things they did for me while accepting and moving past the negative. Before I avoided any of their behavior all together for fear that I would repeat the cycle of "undermothering." After reading this book, I can move forward with greater understanding and confidence in my mothering abilities. If you want a book that can truly turn your life around, this is it. Thank you Kathryn for putting together such a wonderful book!

I enjoyed reading this book. I picked it up looking for straightforward advice on how to be a better parent with limited role models available to me but instead found myself learning lessons of a different sort.
As many of the women in this book, I felt the pain of inadequate support from my mother. I have been forced to distance myself from an unsupportive and often destructive mother. The baggage from the loss of her own mother and the unresolved issues of her childhood have contorted her into an unhappy, joyless and often mean adult.
Through this book I have been given a different perspective on what it might have been like for her to grow up without a mother at all and why that would have been so difficult for her. I find my perspective has softened a little and my curiosity and sympathy have been awakened toward her. I find myself wondering about what she was missing and how it might have contributed to who she has become.
I think the best message that I received from this book is that it is possible to be an ordinary good mother even if you didn't have one yourself.

I recommend without equivocation. "Mothering Without a Map" by Kathryn Black is not only well written -- excellent structure, suspenseful writing -- it is eye-opening in its conclusions. It goes beyond the thesis in "Motherless Daughters." Even if you had/have an excellent mother, and even if you like your own mothering style, I guarantee there will moments of insight for you.

Most of all I marvel at Black's balance in her information; under any other writer, this book would feel like the usual blame-the-mother for all of the world's ills. But Black, through humor and empathy, makes the deficits all mothers have surmountable and understandable.

Plus, you've got to see this bibliography at the end of book --
thousands of sources.

As both a mother and a therapist who works with mothers, I was thrilled to find this book because of the gaping hole it fills on parenting bookshelves. It provides hope and reassurance that becoming a 'good mother' even when we've been under-mothered is both worth doing and do-able. I was impressed with the way the author connects some of the women's stories with relevant research information in a gentle way. It is a unique and timely book written for a generation of mothers who want to raise their children differently than they were raised but are not completely sure how to do that.

Black has excelled in this beautiful exploration of motherhood, and of what it means to nurture, to give, to love and be loved. Her sensitive and forgiving insight into the tangled job of mothering - whether undermothered, abandoned, or still very present in our lives - gives us all a psychological glimpse into the patterns of past, present and future mothering styles, the enormity of the role, and its impact on our development - with Maslow's hierarchy as a strong foundation. Black gives us heavy, but digestable information, and follows up with the compassion, humor, wisdom, and soft space required for us to fall. My new number one resource on all things parenting - an essential read.

I did not have a mom around because she worked two jobs. I did have a good babysitter. For those of us who do not either see or hear from their mother much, or who might have died at an early age, like mine, there are plenty of other caring women who can and do step in. This is a good book in large part becasue Mrs. Black's insight is thoughtful and mindful. It certianly makes one think. It is not a parenting book but how to be a successful parent and mother when there was very little role modeling done in your growing up years. ...

The best book for mothers who were not mothered or not mothered well. Kathryn's book helps put your mother's past into perspective so that you can understand your childhood better and move on to break the cycle with your children.

I have read a number of books in an effort to become a better mother, despite not having the best upbringing. I found this book onsale for [...] and wasn't sure whether to buy it or not. It ended up being the best book about mothering I've bought. It really did help me - to understand my past, my mother, why I am mothering they way I am and to not be so hard on myself. I really felt this book changed my parenting, the way I connected with my children, particularly my eldest whom I struggle with the most. I am so glad I found this book, I feel that it is a turning point for me and a step forward in my quest to be a great mum. This book gave me hope.

Very helpful book for anyone who feels their childhood was missing a "mothering mother". Easy to read with helpful suggestions for dealing with a painful past and insuring the "absent mother" experience will not continue into future generations.

This book was well written but I gave it only three stars because instead of being written to a wide audience of women it is written for those who understand psychological theories and jargon. I have a degree in psychology so I understood the jargon and I was quite familiar with the theories but for someone who is not familiar with the jargon or theories will have a difficult time following this author's writing. If this author had just written about her story and her insights and the stories and insights of the women she interviewed she would have had an incredible book. The power of stories can be very healing and yet this author relies on theories and jargon to back up any of her insights or ideas. As someone who seeks healing in these stories, I don't need or want someone "proving" their ideas with theories that are just the "philosophies of men" and nothing more. This is still worth reading to gain the nuggets of gold from the story/insights she gained and the stories/insights of the women interviewed but the rest of it ought to have been edited out.