Customer Reviews

Motherless Daughters: The Legacy of Loss, Second Edition

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I lost my mother to cancer when I was sixteen years old. When I went back to school after the funeral, I think I did what alot of girls do, I acted like I was fine, because I didn't want anyone to know what was going on inside of me. This lasted for a couple of years, and during my first year of college, my father bought me this book. I kept it unread in a drawer for a long time, I didn't want to deal with my moms death. She was my best friend, and I couldn't accept that she was gone. Finally, I picked up the book and began to read. I was only a few pages in, when I began to cry like I hadn't since the night she died. It was hard for me to read the book, but I did, a few pages at a time, over a couple of weeks. I never realized that while other girls lose their mother under different circumstances, there are still things that are similar, and bind all of we "motherless daughters" together. This book helped in ways I can't even begin to describe. It gave me someone to relate to (none of my friends had ever lost a parent). I highly recommend this book to anyone who has lost their mother, no matter how old you were, or how long ago it happened. It helped me face my pain, and work through it, like nothing else could. I know it is difficult to deal with, but Hope Edelman's book really helps make a tragic situation, a bit easier to cope with.

I lost my mother when I was just 13 years old and although it's been 16 years, I still feel the loss every day. Like the author, I had an overwhelming sense of grief in my mid-twenties. I mean it was like I was newly bereaved again. I would come home and cry. Or I would dream about her for consecutive nights. I am so glad that Ms. Edelmen took on this topic. Intellectually, I knew that I wasn't alone, but I am the only one in my immediate circle of friends whose mother is deceased so that makes for awkward moments on Mother's day and other holidays. Of course the sympathetic ones want to be a sort of replacement, but that's not what I want. I want my actual mother, my nurturer and my friend. It's so hard to explain to someone who hasn't experienced this loss, especially since I am an adult now. I remember that shortly after mom passed some callous relative actually had the nerve to tell me, "Life goes on." As if I didn't know that already. As if it were that simple.

Thank you Hope, for helping us motherless daughters understand that the impact of this loss can be lifelong. I've long suspected that the absence of my mother has affected my intimate relationships and even my relationships with other females. It's one thing to feel something intuitively and quite another to see that someone else has not only felt that same way, but has researched it. I'm still reading this book, but I felt so strongly about it that offer up my heartfelt thanks right now. This book is a blessing, and not just for daughter whose mothers are deceased. Hope also addresses women who have been abandoned ny their mothers and those who have never known their mothers.

I am 24 and lost my mother two months ago. I have been feeling a deep sense of emptiness and have come to the conclusion that in general, the world seems to overlook the pain of parent loss. It's said to be a natural cycle of life, however, when you're young, there's nothing natural about it. I just happened across this book as I was browsing in a book store, and can honestly say that it has not only given me permission to grieve deeply, but it has validated many of my feelings of loss. As the world tends to tell you to "get on with your life," or "stop playing the victim," this book encourages people to aknowledge that mother loss is indeed a profound loss, and one that can affect a person for a long time. Accepting the painfulness of a loss and feeling grief is not playing the victim role, it's simply being human. As I watched the world respond to my mother's death, the outpouring for my father was tremendous and in many ways my sister and I stood in the background and observed this. This book confirmed that it's no wonder mother loss is so painful, it's the first relationship one ever experiences and once it's gone there is no substition, no new parent. My father may remarry, but my sister and I will never have another mother. Through this book I have been able to allow myself to grieve deeply and understand that my loss is not more, and certainly not less than anyone elses, just different.

The biggest thing I learned from reading this book was that it's important to face the grief and saddness head-on It has to be dealt with at some point and the sooner the better. I am so glad that someone was able validate and address the pain surrounding mother loss at not only a younger age, but at any age.

I don't know if Hope Edleman could ever really fathom the good she has done through writing this book, and how she has brought such beautiful purpose and meaning to her profound loss. What an amazing tribute to her mom. ---------- I was 11 years old when my mother, Linda, died suddenly from a brain aneurism. She was only 45 years old. Not a day in my life has passed that I don't miss her immensely. At the age of 18, a week before my high school graduation, I found myself grieving for my mom more than ever. I was watching morning tv as I was preparing for school and saw Ms. Edleman discussing this book and I knew that I was meant to read it.

I can hardly put into words just how powerful Motherless Daughters has been in my own efforts to cope with life after losing the most important woman in it. Motherless Daughters is the closest written expression you will find of understanding the depth and breadth of the loss of a mother. I was amazed to read about the experiences of others with similar and even unsimilar circumstances and discover how much I shared with them in their feelings of loss. Feelings you may not have even experienced consciously are brought to light and put into words when you never knew it could be. You will find yourself in this book time and time again.

Motherless Daughters has an extraordinary way of affirming the reader and bringing comfort to the child that continues to grieve within, no matter how many years you have lived without her. The daughter learns that contrary to societal's response to the death of her mom, that it is so natural for her to continue grieving for her. This realization meant so much to me as I still deal with the impact of my mom's death. I am 23 and 12 years have passed since, yet I still often find the emptiness of losing her overwhelming.

My book is now tattered and worn from all the marking of pages and underlining and loaning out to people I knew could benefit from reading it. So many of my friends that have lost their moms have bought their own. Just reading it was not enough. I completely understand. I have read and reread my own copy several times and each time, it has new meaning to me.

I don't necessarily recommend giving this book to someone who has just recently lost their mom, however. Its purpose really serves best after some time has passed. Not to mention, I think to give this book to a daughter some months or even years after the loss helps her to remember that you empathize with the loss she still feels though it may go unspoken, and most importantly, you have not forgotten her mother's life. That's the best gift of all.

This book did what 34 years of therapy with expensive and highly degreed therapists could not do. I lost my mother emotionally at the age of 12. While this book starts out addressing the physical death of a mother, it very well includes all kinds of losses that damage the mother-daughter relationship. My mother went from a warm, loving, nurturing parent who baked all the time and kept a clean house to a paranoid, delusional,slovenly woman who was never home, and who was physically abusive when she was; a woman who could not criticize me deeply and thoroughly enough. There were probably lots of reasons for that, none of them having anything to do with me. But at 12, how was I to know? I just thought she didn't love me anymore. I could not please her. At 16, I stopped trying, ran away from home and learned how to live on the streets.

This loss colored my life for the rest of my life, and it took every ounce of strength, energy and intellect to untangle the mess. This book shed some very crucial light on the deepest wound my soul carries. I know a closeness with my mother because of that painful bond that is a combination of pleasure and pain that is part and parcel of who I am. Today, thanks to Hope Edelman, I understand that bond (and the bond I have with my daughter)so much better.

My mother got sick on Tuesday and she was dead the following Wednesday. I went into a tailspin of grief and lonliness, it may take me a lifetime to recover from.
The title of Hope Edleman's book "Motherless Daughters" just spoke to me. I am still my mother's daughter, even though my mother isn't here with me any more to call me and nag me and hug me when I am feeling lost. It's also such a comfort to know that there are lots of other women going through the same painful experiences. This book made me feel more connected to other women and to the world. I once had a long conversation with a woman as part of my job and we discovered we had both lost our moms and had both read the book. "What a sad, strong little sorority we are," she remarked.
You won't miss your mom less, but you will fee less lost and alone, especially if other members of your family don't want to talk yet.
I also recommend the Web site an the workbook that accompany this book.

I bought this book for myself, after a friend recommended it (whose mother passed away when she was 13). My mother passed away in August, and it's now February. I was really looking forward to reading the book, as I thought it would help in the healing process. I think the book is better suited for someone who lost their mother at a young age, like the author. My mother passed away when I was 41, and the book doesn't really touch on motherless daughters who are my age. There have been certain excerpts that have helped, but after finishing the book, I found myself wishing it had been different.

Motherless Daughters is a must have book for any woman who has lost her mother (and even for those who've never really had one). I lost my mother 4 years ago, and this book (which I bought 2 years ago) has helped me to understand that my feeling after her death were not unusual. I truly am not alone, and neither are you. I believe that one woman put it correctly when she said "I feel as though sometimes I just want to shout "I lost my mother when I was 17 years old" to explain why I do some things the way I do. I feel like it is who I am..." That is true for me as I'm sure it is for many others out there. You will find in this book something for everyone: Women whose mothers died suddenly, Women whose mothers died after many years of long painful suffering, Women whose mothers were their best friend, and some whose mothers were there worst enemies. No one is ignored, even the ones whose mothers perhaps did not die, but abandoned them. This is the only book I've ever seen that targets the specific problems (and strengths) of motherless daughters, and if you are one, or you love one, you really need to read this book.

I lost my mother to cancer when I was twelve. A year or so later, amidst a fit of tears, I came upon a copy of this book in my father's room. He had meant to give it to me when I was older, but even as a young teen, I understood everything that Edelman writes about and could relate as well. I call it the "Handbook" because, besides being wonderfully emotional and personal in anecdotes and quotations, Edelman provides many scenarios (e.g., what happens if one if the youngest child, what happens if the father has a hard time, etc, etc). There is bound to be something that ANY motherless daughter will find meaningful. I know that I was able to finally come to the realization that I was not alone in my situation. She does a fine job in presenting the motherless daughter as NOT a victim, but rather as a survivor who can leave some special mark on the world. There are examples of well-known motherless daughters (Madonna, Patricia Heaton, Meg Ryan, and others). We are finally not alone as motherless daughters!
The book is broken down into coherent sections narrating what happens right after the loss through years later when the motherless daughter is a mother herself and still feels the pain (which is, thankfully, "normal!"). There's a helpful index if one wants to locate specific information too-- I used this book as a reference when preparing a presentation on the topic for a class. I keep this book beside my bed, not because I'm so overcome with grief, but just as a "security book"-- reading it when I need some sort of affirmation that what I'm feeling is "okay." I have re-read it many times in the past 7 years. Amazing and beautifully written.

I recently ran across this book at the place I'm volunteering, and had to check it out. I read it, and was unbelievably affected by it. My mom died in a car accident when I was nine (I'm twenty now), and this book struck many chords with me. Above all, it was wonderful to be able to hear that I'm not the only one who has gone through many of the experiences that I've had. I've been extremely blessed with many wonderful friends who have listened to me and supported me. I've also had a wonderful aunt who stepped in and tried to mother me as best she could (I'll always be grateful). However, I've never had any other close friends who lost their mothers. This book helped fill some of the void that comes from having no one to relate to, no one else who understands what you're going through.

A few other reviewers have said that they felt that this book portrayed motherless daughters as victims, something they didn't appreciate. I disagree. One of the points of the book was to discuss some of the unique aspects of being a motherless daughter; many of the results of such a loss are obviously going to be negative. However, I appreciated learning about a lot of the difficulties that many women in my situation face; it was nice to know that I'm not alone, and nice to have some clue of what those in a different situation than mine have faced. I actually found that reading about these problems was helpful; I could look at these difficulties, say, "Okay, here's some of what I'll face/am facing," and gave me the strength to know that it's doable. It also made me appreciate many of the strengths that I have had, such as a supportive, available father and friends who are willing to listen even when they don't completely understand.

This book may not be for everyone, but I found it to be very healing and helpful in understanding some of what has gone on in my life for the last eleven years.