Customer Reviews

Movie House Massacre

5 star:		(0)
4 star:		(0)
3 star:		(0)
2 star:		(1)
1 star:		(1)

 

 

This poor excuse of a movie is absolutely awful. Show this to a handful of other people, and you might as well go ahead and call the riot squad in advance because things could very well get pretty ugly in a hurry. Forget any hopes you may have of seeing a theater full of people being eviscerated left and right, as the only massacre here basically consists of a little over a dozen people running up the aisles in a fog (I spent good money on this fog machine, and dadgum if I ain't gonna use it whenever I feel like it). I personally believe all movies should find a way to include a few cheerleaders, but this awful cinematic stink bomb can't even do that right - you can put a girl in a cheerleader outfit, but that doesn't make her a cheerleader. Heck, I was shocked when Jenny Cunningham's character turned out to be a cheerleader because I had her pegged as a thirtysomething. Special effects, you ask? Well, let's just call them effects because there's absolutely nothing special about any of them. One scene toward the end has to be in the running for the worst decapitation shot in the history of film. Acting? You have to be kidding me.

Nobody cared enough about this theater to actually give it a name, but I have to point out the fact that it was a drama theater and not yet a movie house when the big "movie house massacre" actually took place. Now, years later, the owner of Spotlight Theaters has bought the place and sends three of his less useless employees over to clean the place up and get it going. In so doing, he conveniently forgets to tell them about the dark, murderous history of the building. The new manager and his peers get started, experience a series of weird and frightening incidents, and yet still manage to have the place ready for its grand reopening - with no idea that fresh blood has already been spilled inside its environs.

About the only person who puts any effort at all into the whole project is Joanna Foxx in the role of Selena. Not only does she play the lazy, rebellious, self-centered, bitchy teen annoying well, she even gives us a flash and pours herself into some seriously tight gold spandex pants. And what's the reward for her efforts? Having all of her lines dubbed by some other actress, for unexplained reasons. Many people seem to enjoy the work of Mary Woronov, but the only thing that separated her from all of the other unlikeable characters, at least for me, was the fact that her constant complaints were generally somewhat witty.

Unless you're a glutton for bad B-movie punishment, my advice is to pass Movie House Massacre by without even acknowledging its existence. This cinematic dog don't hunt.

The most hardcore bad film buff will be surprised by the overall ineptness of this grade-z "film". The acting is mostly horrid, the plot is pretty lame, and the ending is pathetic. Yet...it does have a certain charm about it, it's almost so bad that it's kinda good. It's at times more of a comedy than a horror movie, just listen to some of the lines and sound effects. It reminded me a lot at times of the comedy/horror spoof movie "Student Bodies". I like the early electronica music that runs throughout the film, it's repetitive but effective, I would compare it as very similar to the music from the first "Slumber Party Massacre" film.

I think if the killings would have been a little more realistic and unique, and that if the ending would have been a lot better and explained things this could have been a more highly regarded film. It would have also helped if the movie was about 10 minutes longer in length, 75 minutes did seem quite short watching it.